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#282467 - 04/06/09 01:10 AM Re: was sex ever talked about at home? [Re: nevragan]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I suffered all kinds of anxiety and confusion because of what I didn't know, and of course by the time it was formally "taught" to me in school, I had learned it all by other means. I remember when I had my first orgasm I thought "I'm having a heart attack!... wait.. kids don't have heart attacks do they?


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#282469 - 04/06/09 01:17 AM Re: was sex ever talked about at home? [Re: nevragan]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1960
I can't remember when I first knew about sex but I think I knew fairly early on. I and some friends also found a couple porn magazines when I was younger, some time in elementary school. I remember looking at the pictures. I had a neighborhood girl try to use me to make another boy jealous by putting my hand down her pants, and also later I remember having sort of play sex with this same girl though we didn't know what we were doing (though thinking about it I realize I obviously knew a bit about it given the situation; weird I haven't thought about this is a long time) I also remember being in 5th grade and at a friends house reading a magazine with porn stories. When I was propositioned by a friend I knew clearly what he wanted and knew I didn't want to go there. Although I would have never come up with what he came up with, I was well aware of what he was looking for. Looking back I'd say my sexual relations after this happened were damaged, but maybe not all of them. It certainly screwed things up.


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#282485 - 04/06/09 07:55 AM Re: was sex ever talked about at home? [Re: ericc]
roadrunner Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
When I was nearly 12 (I think) my Dad took me aside and gave me the talk and told me I could go to him if I had any questions. But that was it. Sex wasn't a topic that was openly discussed, as if it was anything normal. And by the time my Dad talked to me I had already been abused for nearly two years.

Mainly what I learned from the talk with my Dad was that the things happening to me were about sex - I hadn't made that connection before. And as he spoke to me I thought wow, he sure does know a lot about sex. But then it occurred to me, okay, so why can't he see what's happening to me? But then I thought wait, if he does figure it out, wouldn't that be even worse? So I was horrified and terribly ashamed and was soon thinking about suicide (again). What a mess!

Much love,
Larry

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#282864 - 04/09/09 02:00 AM Re: was sex ever talked about at home? [Re: loberhead]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Sex I had no idea what that was. Very rarely saw my parent's showing affection towards each other. Saw my dad grab my mother's ass a few times and her stopping him. All I knew I would have a new brother every 2 years no clue or even cared what caused that to be.
With my perp i had no clue what he was doing to me ofwhat he made to him was sex. It felt both good amd bad.
My parents never had a sex talk with me. All that I learn was from the porn magazines and 8mm films that me and my friends found. To me sex was just another physical act to be performed with no emotional context to it.
Still struggle with this view of sex.

Mike

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#282973 - 04/09/09 07:03 PM Re: was sex ever talked about at home? [Re: loberhead]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
He, the guy who hurt me, showed me porn and stuff. So I knew when I was like 6.

My sister and her friends would whisper about it. My dad has talked to me about it a little bit. But it's not something I'm interested in so...yeah. I dunno.


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#287436 - 05/14/09 02:12 AM Re: was sex ever talked about at home? [Re: Sans Logos]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
With 6 kids in the family; bbbgbg, me #2b, we all knew how the bump in mom's tummy got there. It was a healthy sex ed I received and a positive development into good viril sex in my late teens. Living in a commune in Santa Cruz Ca. in 1968-70 was a big lesson in love.

I had the same GF,Tanya, from K-4th grade and replaced her without delay when she moved. The 1st GF I had sex with in Alaska I still talk to. The 1st time I MB'ed after a shower in the 5th grade I thought I broke it, I figured it was o'kay when it happened again.

At 17 in the Marines I was stationed in Subic Bay Philippines and in 15 months I learned more about sex than a porn star, it was XXX stuff, I consider those girls sexually exploited now.

Up to the HRT(hostage rape torture) in Oct/1978 I was healthy sexually, no kinks. Afterwards I shutdown.

It all changed after the abduction, I was unable to not have intrusive flashbacks during sex. I slept with 32 women from a company I worked at, married one of them for 2.5 years, in my 20's and they all knew the dick was broken and I frooze up, but the intamacy, closeness, kissing and my oral ability and the exciting life I created was worth it to them.

In my 30's I gave up and dealt with the flashbacks and SSA. MB was my only sex for 17 years and it was plagued with M/F fantasy arousal and disgust. I had many uncountable failures with some nice looking chicks. Some of them would stick around and try to fix my dick. The shit I tried; placing crystals in MT. Shasta California and letting some wizzard put stones all over my shakra, herbal concoctions, OTC erection pills, sleeping with two men(negative results) after a girl told me to try same sex, I even tried thinking of men during m/f foreplay and sex. And the excuses I made up for the rapid heartbeat, breathing constrictions and my dick when touched shrunk like in cold water. Some of the girls were very outspoken in their frustration.

It was a total mind fk to have women attracted to me and have anxiety and avoidance issues and be oblivious as to the cause and association to the HRT.

That really rips me, all the good sex I missed out on because of the HRT. Hell, I slept with over 200 women and 2 men and only 3 times after the HRT was it effortless. It baffled me that during MB I was fine, aside from the SSA. I got over the homophobia early since California has lots of Gays and I see God works in their life too.

Here I am 50 years and last year I made the decision to work thru the affects and started with MB and girly mags w/out male pics in it. My common law wife(now gone) was cool with the whole deal since after the 1st two weeks in 2004 we never had intamacy.

Everytime I had a m/m thought I adjusted my thinking, told myself it was from the HRT. After I got my 1st successful uninterupted session(I was in the woods running the hounds and I got the urge)I then moved back into the bedroom. It was nothing like the youthful romps I remember, but it felt soooo good, I cried in appreciation for a few days. What a milestone

I can't wait to find some mid-aged kitten and cuddle up.



Edited by men_of_hrts.dbw (05/14/09 02:36 AM)
Edit Reason: Spell Check
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