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#28169 - 03/18/05 07:17 PM Re: I never told them no
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
Quote:
Why I never said no cause I wanted them to love and care for me like my dad never did.
Quote:
One things thats has puzzle me is why all my abusers were men.
Our parents and others train us, and the perps use our training. They're masters of manipulation. I don't think it's a matter of "sending out signals" when we're just kids. I think it's about having an empty spot where love should be and evil men being able to identify that. They're predators, and like any animal predator, they don't go after the strongest of the herd. Not that I think I or anyone else here was weak! That's not what I'm saying at all. I just think my uncle could see what I was missing. And he used that to get to me. If I'd had loving, supportive parents, if I hadn't had that empty spot, would he have still SA me? Maybe. But I doubt I'd be as messed up as I am, and I doubt it would have repeated itself throughout my life like it has.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#28170 - 03/19/05 11:51 PM Re: I never told them no
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi Robert,

It is really good of you to trust us with the pain that you have carried alone.

I was abused as a young boy/youth as well. I also felt that I would not get anyone else's attention and "love" than from the man who abused me for a couple of years. I think all of us, and in a sense, especially young males need the love of a man. If Dad does not love us, we look for it in other men whether they be teachers, or coaches, scoutmasters, relatives etc.

Be kind to yourself. Not many of us said 'NO!" because we were nothing and the adult had lots of power over us. If I had said no, I would have suffered very serious consequences. And, if I had said "No!" I might have lost him. In my need, I felt that it was just the price I had to pay.

People do not have to be physically huge, like and NFL or NBA star to overcome us. They have so many ways to make us feel helpless.

I sure hope that you will not blame yourself, or think less of yourself because you did not try to fight off your abusers. The simple fact is that you could not have done so even if you wanted to. It is all about POWER. We just can't forget that.

Male pedophiles most often do attack girls, but a large number attack boys, as we well know. Women who abuse boys are a different breed of animal. The men who abused us as kids did it because of our age. That is what turned them on.

Just in case you wonder, I like what I read somewhere on this site, that being raped by a man does not make a boy homosexual anymore than being raped by a woman would make a gay boy heterosexual. That is good to remember when we wonder about who we are and what we really want out of relationships.

Peace to you friend.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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