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#28141 - 08/04/06 02:55 PM Re: From Survivor to Thriver
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Paul,

This line said it all to me,

Quote:
Oh, and before I forget. Do you know what triggered me to action? It was my older son entering the 7th grade. That's when it was the worst for me. I took one look at how innocent he was at that age and all I saw was what had been taken from me and I was enraged.
Thats what I think when I look into a young childs eyes.
"Look what beauty they took"!

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#28142 - 08/04/06 04:41 PM Re: From Survivor to Thriver
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I chose to confront my perp. Sure I read some articles about it on this site and others. I didn't need them. All I wanted to do was tell him that he fucked up my life and future, I know that he would have acknowledged his wrongdoing, (I'm 99% sure).

Unfortunately, I was 12 years too late. My first perp died back in 1994. My 2ond perp committed suicide in Nov of last year.

It was an interesting journey to find my first perp, you may read it here:

http://malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=007186#000000

I just wanted to look at him one last time. What was I going to do? I was gonna tell him that we could have had a beautiful friendship, and that I adored him as a male role model, even though he was a loser. I just wanted to see him one more time. I wasn't going to yell or curse at him. I don't feel that anger or rage that others express. Maybe it's because I've yet to let it out. Maybe I've been taking it out on my parents instead of him, hell I don't know.


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#28143 - 08/04/06 05:32 PM Re: From Survivor to Thriver
Zipser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 351
Loc: Connecticut
ste,

You are so right! No child should have to go through what we did. That's why we have to fight back in any way we can, be it through advocacy, litigation, even through our participation in organizations such as MS.

Thank you ste, for fighting the fight.

Regards,

Paul

_________________________
"I stand proud that the boy so badly damaged managed to get me this far and I will honor him and myself for being a survivor." - A member

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#28144 - 08/05/06 01:29 AM Re: From Survivor to Thriver
guitarguy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/11/05
Posts: 12
Loc: Canada
pretty much right after i recovered my childhood memories, my descision was to inflict violence on my abuser. slowly the fire turned into embers.

i then decided after my family was back in the area i would return to my hometown and acquire the assistance of the police(ie, do what Zipser did).

then next thing i did was start telling my story(in vague detail) to pretty much everyone who would listen. one of those people was "george".

"george" is a "priest", and he suggested forgivness. being that i am open to ideas, i listened to what he had to say and took what i needed.

***When the month is out, i will again be living in my home town. my first order of business is to go to the OPP station, and report my CSA. Not for me...Not for him...For every life he has disrupted.

i dont want any compensation, but if it means his moral destruction and discreditation, so be it

you are all incredible men

gg

_________________________
how are you?

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#28145 - 08/05/06 05:17 PM Re: From Survivor to Thriver
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
guitarguy,

It's a great moment any time a survivor decides he is going to report what happened to him, and you are so right: it will have untold effects on the lives of others who will NOT be abused because of what you are doing.

But at the same time it would be a good idea to consider in advance the consequences of a decision like this ... specifically because of how it will affect YOU and your recovery. If charges are filed and the abuser is brought to trial, his lawyer will drag you through the mud and try every trick in the book to make you look bad. That can be a very damaging and traumatic experience for a survivor unless he is already in a pretty strong place in his recovery.

So it's back to the subject of a T, my friend. Follow your heart and do what you need to do, but I think it's a good idea to head into the confrontation well-prepared emotionally. That's where a therapist comes in; your T will have all the tools necessary to help you face this challenge with as little new pain and trauma to yourself as possible.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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