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#280779 - 03/25/09 05:12 PM A Break thru
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
I have a very close friendship with another member here at M/S and we pm each other almost everyday just to talk about things in our lives. I pm him today and wanted to share also with all the other members where I find myself in my recovery today.

-----,

At those times that I am able to break free from behaviors that have confined me as person. I have a tendency to go around kicking in as many walls as I can. Just a natural reaction to the freedom that I find myself enjoying at this time of my life.
It has been many years since I have had such a wonderful break thru in my recovey. I have begun to be able to reach out to others here and make emotional contact with some very wonderful people. Such as yourself. For the last few years I have been trapped in a very confined emotional place. Very isolated with few meaningful personal contacts with others.
I think the WOR this weekend maybe a very transforming event where I can shedd my old shell of whom I am. And risk becoming a new person in alot of ways.
I don't know about you but my sexual addiction kills me everyday that it has me in it's grip. A left over behavior from being abused as a child.
Right now if I am not confined by my sexual addiction. I am learning a new and healthier way of life. As I see it right now if I keep seeking for it, it will be shown to me.

It is strange to me that since I expressed my feelings I have toward you as a friend. That I love and care for you. Who has so unselfistly and honestly allowed yourself to be open about where you are at emotionally and where you find yourself in the process of your life. I have found this new freedom and joy in my life. I have not found such relationships since I first got sober in AA I am learning it is ok to have close personal relationships with the men in my life and to express the feelings that I have for them. It is as if allowing myself to care for you and other men here. And to express such feelings. Has opened up the abiliity to feel and love myself just for whom I am right now.

Thank You my friend

Mike


In my post yesterday called "fate". I talk about my inability to honestly communicate with my father even up to this day. I am finding that those things my father was unable to teach me as a child. I am learning thru my relations with the men that I am building here at M/S.

I am finding that life is good and recovery is posssible.

Thank you Guys.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#280826 - 03/26/09 12:19 AM Re: A Break thru [Re: michael banks]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
that's beautiful mike, just beautiful! you put a smile in my heart today.

blessings,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#280841 - 03/26/09 06:38 AM Re: A Break thru [Re: Sans Logos]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1122
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Mike,

Fantastic! I'm seeing changes in my behavior with other men since interacting here. Last night I took our distributor's engineering specialist out to dinner. First, I rarely ask anyone out to dinner, just would wait to be asked. Second, we had a great time! I was relaxed, talked about all kinds of subjects (maybe like I do on chat here...) and just felt...natural.

I used to be quiet or talk about "safe stuff" like sports. There I was sharing with him (just about) whatever popped into my head. I made a connection with him!

I'm more convinced that a big draw of the cybersex chat rooms were for the "connections" with real people. That I was emotionally lonely. There are a lot better ways to fix that than diving into the pit of perversion as I had done.

Jim

27 days free....

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#280843 - 03/26/09 08:03 AM Re: A Break thru [Re: michael banks]
mapleleafsn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/08
Posts: 131
Loc: Eastern Canada
I would just like to say that your presence here in MS goes much further than you may know. It is your willingness and honesty to be open about yourself that allows others, such as myself, to take the risk of sharing our inner thoughts and struggles.

When we do open ourselves we find out we are not really alone or different from others. This can be one of the greatest realizations that we can have. Without this crucial step the path of recovery remains hidden. Breaking the isolation that silence causes can only be done with the help of people like yourself.

Blessing to you as you 'Trudge the road to Happy Destiny'

Steve

_________________________
When the pain of remaining the same finally outweighs the pain of change---things will begin.... life is meant to be enjoyed not endured.

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#280846 - 03/26/09 08:36 AM Re: A Break thru [Re: michael banks]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted By: michael banks
I think the WOR this weekend maybe a very transforming event where I can shedd my old shell of whom I am. And risk becoming a new person in alot of ways.


From my presepctive Mike, and mine alone, true-er words on this topic cannot be spoken. The WoR, for me was, and is a major, life altering event, allowing that old shell of who I was to indeed be shed. To meet other men, other male survivors, for the first time in my life, after being so alone, for so long. Well, it was simply amazing. To feel that alive again! Incredible! smile

Life can be good,if we can allow ourselves to feel it, embrace it. I'm happy for ya!

Jim



Edited by Geeders (03/26/09 01:50 PM)
Edit Reason: lousy spelling!
_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#280885 - 03/26/09 01:18 PM Re: A Break thru [Re: Geeders]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Mike you are a great example of how MS can work. You've used it well and the benefits you reap from that you pass on to other survivors. That's what makes MS what it is. Thank you Mike. smile





Edited by blueshift (03/26/09 01:20 PM)
Edit Reason: add smiley
_________________________
My Story
My Art

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