.

well, all i can say is wow, what a story!

thanks for sharing a glimpse of your past. i hope that in doing so some of the accompanying ghostly energy left along with telling it. i have no terrific memories haunting me today, and i find the more i get it out of me, the smaller the impact from day to day. i really enjoyed the way you wrote that story, dan.

ron

Hey,

That was an emotional ride reading through your post. I felt every ounce of love/hate within it. You are very brave for posting such difficult times you have experienced.

Heal well brother

Dan

yet, there are things i still just cannot say....but this was the most ive ever said....there are things ive omitted like my bed wetting till i was 15 and problems with my peer relationships....and my other secret sexual behaviors...im not ready for that yet.

Dude, I totally relate to your story.My parents divorced when I was 4. My father was emotionally and physically abusive towards me. I was raised by my mother and grandmother. At the age of 7, my mother began a relationship with my now step-father (his name is Tony). He is 10 years younger than she is. I wanted him to be a father figure, but he hated me (and still does) from the start. From the begining, I had sexual fantasies of him. He was tall, good looking, masculine and hairy. He was what I wanted to be. However, while he never abused me, his hated and disdain of me still affects me at the age of 38. You and I suffer from reverse Oedepal Complex. This lack of bonding with a male role model has (in my case) caused a confused sexual orientation. While I am married and have 2 children, my masturbatory fantasies are exclusivally for older hairy masculine men. I have never acted upon these urges, but my addiction to porn is out of control. Email me and I will tell you of my meeting with my bio-dad after 22 years of not seeing him. The meeting really messed me up. Later.