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#280162 - 03/20/09 12:17 PM my father,..love, hate, and my sexuality
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
.



Edited by myboyhoodfears (08/31/09 03:56 AM)
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#280170 - 03/20/09 01:50 PM Re: my father,..love, hate, and my sexuality [Re: myboyhoodfears]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
well, all i can say is wow, what a story!

thanks for sharing a glimpse of your past. i hope that in doing so some of the accompanying ghostly energy left along with telling it. i have no terrific memories haunting me today, and i find the more i get it out of me, the smaller the impact from day to day. i really enjoyed the way you wrote that story, dan.

ron

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  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#280176 - 03/20/09 02:17 PM Re: my father,..love, hate, and my sexuality [Re: Sans Logos]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Hey,

That was an emotional ride reading through your post. I felt every ounce of love/hate within it. You are very brave for posting such difficult times you have experienced.

Heal well brother

Dan

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I am the warrior.

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#280177 - 03/20/09 02:18 PM Re: my father,..love, hate, and my sexuality [Re: Sans Logos]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
yet, there are things i still just cannot say....but this was the most ive ever said....there are things ive omitted like my bed wetting till i was 15 and problems with my peer relationships....and my other secret sexual behaviors...im not ready for that yet.



Edited by myboyhoodfears (03/20/09 02:23 PM)
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#280619 - 03/24/09 04:43 PM Re: my father,..love, hate, and my sexuality [Re: myboyhoodfears]
vladimir Offline


Registered: 08/25/08
Posts: 1
Loc: los angeles
Dude, I totally relate to your story.My parents divorced when I was 4. My father was emotionally and physically abusive towards me. I was raised by my mother and grandmother. At the age of 7, my mother began a relationship with my now step-father (his name is Tony). He is 10 years younger than she is. I wanted him to be a father figure, but he hated me (and still does) from the start. From the begining, I had sexual fantasies of him. He was tall, good looking, masculine and hairy. He was what I wanted to be. However, while he never abused me, his hated and disdain of me still affects me at the age of 38. You and I suffer from reverse Oedepal Complex. This lack of bonding with a male role model has (in my case) caused a confused sexual orientation. While I am married and have 2 children, my masturbatory fantasies are exclusivally for older hairy masculine men. I have never acted upon these urges, but my addiction to porn is out of control. Email me and I will tell you of my meeting with my bio-dad after 22 years of not seeing him. The meeting really messed me up. Later.


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