WHO stops self harm?
WHO stays married?
WHO ends the PTSD?
WHO goes on to live a normal life?
WHO can say "I'm now recovered!"

Is it the degree or amplitude of trauma? Or maybe its the character strength of the survivor?

Who gets out of this trench?

good question. in my humble opinion 'who' recovers is the person asking 'who'.

also, from my experience, i don't strive to live a normal life, or to be recovered, as in graduate. i don't have those kinds of expectations. all i want is to reconcile the circumstances that caused me to become a separate 'who' in the first place and to dwell peacefully within the shell of my own skin.

to become a whole 'who' eclipsing the fragmented 'who' of earlier life stages. i know everyone is different, but until i stopped living the perspective of the former 'who' i could not become a new one. until i stopped reinforcing the brain circuitry of old belief patterns by not investing in them any longer, it would not be possible to reimprint them with new beliefs.

i wanted to hang on for dear life to the old comfortable, predictable familiar. i wanted to be righteously angry for a long time: how dare you take away my teddy bear anger!!!! but eventually that became an increasingly toxic cul de sac, that led nowhere but back to more pain and suffering.

i am blest that have i've felt unentrenched for a long time now, and my life has proceeded to be lived out of new solution i am devising for myself today.

what a wonderful opportunity i have been given to erase the effects of old imprints, and create new ones that serve the needs and desires of 'who' i am today. i don't consider myself a character of strength, but i do consider myself a survivor, and maybe that's the same thing.

who knows?

thanks for the topic rob.

ron

...

There is a period at the end of this statement. It speaks loudly to me, the statement itself, yes, but most importantly the period. When I do finally attain this much in my own recovery - I'm gonna call that recovered, period!

Holy Lord Ron!

You articulated SO much SO well. I hope you dont mind me bringing this to group tonight to read to the guys. There's a grand toolbox to healing in our own abilities and choices in your essay. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

go for it robbie, i'm glad i helped. thanx

good lord what a proundly insightful thing that statement is...i have long known this is my problem...and i just cant swim my way out though.

Thanks for bringing this up Rob - and thanks for your words Ron. Good stuff for me to read this morning!

Mike

Rob,

I think it is those who truely will look at themselves honestly.

Mbhf,

At those times in life when we cannot swim out. Why not relax, float and let the current take us to safty.

Ron,

Your wisdom as always speaks for itself.

Mike

I just had a MAJOR MAJOR setback as result of the people that infest the surface of this planet. This time there pus was directed toward my 10yo son and was not CSA. But fuck them, fuck people, fuck any society. FUCK EM ALL! This place is shit!