I just figured out i had something like a post mailbox. I had no idea so many messages had piled up. Thanks for the support everybody. So many people have listened to me and supported me, and i dont even know any of you really. Its like a bunch of total strangers who get together to try and connect. Sometimes i feel like id like to meet somebody, try to connect, but im a total radical. I dont fit in with people who dont fit in. Sometimes, i feel like i dont even know what a friend is. But you have all been listening, and trying to reach out. I just want to thank everybody for doing that, for being there.

Sometimes, the hardest part about trying to connect with people is trying to explain my hopes and dreams. Half the time, i expect people to laugh at me. The other half i am almost laughing at myself. A part of me really wants to be held, or to hold somebody else. But i dont know how to do that yet. This is as close as it gets, right now. I try to look forward to my future. I hope you all get something out of this, that somehow we can use our pain to help ourselves, and help others. Thank you for listening.

Broken,

I never feel like i quite fit in anywhere either, kinda sucks. I also totally relate to what you said about *this is as good as it gets* sometimes for me a hug online is as close as i can get too, when i am down it makes me really sad that thats where i am, I just keep finding ways to get through the days one at a time hoping things are going to take a turn for the better soon, i could use some breaks going my way about now.

I hope you find a place soon and things start feeling better for you,,

hugs,

John

Hang in there.