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#279528 - 03/15/09 12:21 PM Re: Why Did I Do This - Again [Re: Nahuel]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
I have found that I do the same thing with relationships. I seek to be close to someone but then when they start getting too close too fast, I push them away or screw it up completely. Friendship and intimacy have been a major issue that I can't get past. I know about your inner turmoil feeling. In comparison, I feel like a rotten tomato that looks good on the outside till you find out the inside is dead and rotten. Funny part is that I hate tomatoes but you get the jist of what I am saying hopefully. All I can suggest is that you tell your mate that you need some understanding and that it he isn't the problem. I would let him know that you are struggling to cope with how to make the relationship work with intimacy and that you ask that he just be patient, understanding and take it with a grain of salt as things happen.


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#279557 - 03/15/09 02:19 PM Re: Why Did I Do This - Again [Re: Nahuel]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
nahuel, what a beautiful name....what does it mean?

you are doing just great with your english!

welcome to the organization! so glad you that you found us, though not for the circumstances that brought you here.

i have done this all my life. everytime i had gotten involved in a relationship i get the sense that i am imprisoned. i mean, i would go to any lengths to 'catch' a partner, but then once in a relationship with them, i would go to any lengths to avoid them. first it's 'touch me, touch me!" then it's 'don't do that'. how crazy that must seem to someone who has not been abused.

but here we are today, stuck with the results of having had a 'relationship' imposed on us by someone who could not care less about us, or our boundaries.

they just came in close as close can be, and gave us no option for refusing them. we were forced to comply.

and now, everytime we get into a relationship today, we re-enact our role for the relationship set up by the abuser.

make sense?

so, even though we know our current partners are not trying to force us; they just have no idea that they are being mistaken for another person, the perp.

learning how to work through those kinds of questions is why many of us are here.

since you've just joined us, maybe think about telling us more about yourself and post your story in the survivors stories forum.

again, welcome!

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#279637 - 03/16/09 06:07 AM ... [Re: Nahuel]
St3v3n Offline


Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 102
...


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#279938 - 03/18/09 11:54 AM Re: Why Did I Do This - Again [Re: St3v3n]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
.



Edited by myboyhoodfears (08/31/09 03:24 AM)
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