Newest Members
BusterJones, Desperateforhelp, aniceguy, Green_Lantern, Safe11ride
12121 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
alan's marc (43), Opal (59)
Who's Online
2 registered (2 invisible), 63 Guests and 18 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12121 Members
73 Forums
62528 Topics
438171 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#280200 - 03/20/09 06:40 PM Re: Porn amd masturbation-trigger warning [Re: michael banks]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 300
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
Me, I've lived in the same place for my entire life, so I can't imagine how lonely that must have been man. 12 or 13 though, that's when shit hit the fan for me too. I think it was probably a little bit different, but I had personal experiences at home and school that I think might have even been more traumatic then my CSA. At least I was tricked into thinking there wasn't anything weird going on with that. I guess I'm discovering how traumatic it was now, but elementary school through most of middle school and the first few years of high school were personally far more traumatic than that. I had a sister who would constantly come down on me about how worthless I was, how all I ever did was make our recently divorced mother cry constantly, how they would be better off without me, and I should just do them a favor and kill myself. That was constant for I don't know, 8 years? 9 years? Yeeeaaaah. Teenage years eh? Great time to be alive, for most other people I suppose.

Of course by now we have the wisdom of added years (although I guess maybe not that much, but there's more years to come so w/e) so I guess we gotta just make due with what we have right now. I'm just trying to make lemonade out of some real sour ass lemons.


Top
#280455 - 03/23/09 08:35 AM Re: Porn amd masturbation-trigger warning [Re: AndyS87]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
I have gone a week without masturbating to porn. And starting to get that urge to jump over to a porn site to cop a quick look. But know where that will take me. I have to admit with not acting out to with porn. Has caused the attraction towards my wife to start to return.
Glad I got the WOR to go to in a couple of days will help me to focus on something else for awhile.
I want to give up porn totally but I am not sure I can really do that. Just being honest with myself.
Mainly because it has always been such a big part of my sexuality. If I remove the porn. What's next?
Sure is nice to have M/S and you guys to be accountable too.

Mike





_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

Top
#280465 - 03/23/09 10:40 AM Re: Porn amd masturbation-trigger warning [Re: michael banks]
Me2 Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/28/08
Posts: 22
Loc: USA
Mike,

Congratulations on your progress with porn and masturbation! Have you thought about accountability software? I've been struggling with porn and masturbation too. Finally, my partner saw where I had been untruthful about it and we had the "talk."

I went ahead and got some accountability software that will email a report of the websites I visit to three "accountability" partners. I made my partner my accountability partner. At first, it was strange having the software. I thought that I was only limiting my porn viewing because the software would tell on me and I'd have to talk about it.

After a month, I won't say that I've conquered the porn, but that feeling that I "have" to do it has gone away. Now, I'm able to work on the reasons of why I was drawn to pornography in the first place.

I know not everything works for everybody. This has helped me and I thought it wouldn't.

Much success on your journey!

Me2

_________________________
WOR Alum Dahlonega & Alta 08

Top
#280468 - 03/23/09 10:51 AM Re: Porn amd masturbation-trigger warning [Re: Me2]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1100
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
24 days free from porn/chat rooms/camming. Was highly addicted...

I go to MS chat when tempted. Wow I'm spending a lot of time there! :-)

God bless,
Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

Top
#280571 - 03/24/09 09:56 AM Re: Porn amd masturbation-trigger warning [Re: Jim1961]
Juni Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 502
Loc: Florida, WPB
Congratulations Jim, Mike, guys on your progress.

I too dealt with this issue. I have been free since last year. The temptation pops up every now and again but I can easily say no now.

I am no longer a prisoner to it.
Was it hard? Yes!

Can I fall easily back into it? Yes
That is why I never let my guard down.

The software is good.
Accountability is good.
Sharing your struggles and successes is great.
A commitment to save it for the one you promised to be faithful to is even better.

And sex will be fantastic in return.

Juni

_________________________
Today I'm O.K.
One day at a time I make the journey.

Top
#280586 - 03/24/09 12:30 PM Re: Porn amd masturbation-trigger warning [Re: Juni]
mapleleafsn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/08
Posts: 131
Loc: Eastern Canada
Day three for me. It has recently come to my attention that it is a behaviour that I have been unwilling to look at.

It is time that I accept the fact that I am powerless and it IS making my sexual relationship unmanageable.

Straight to step 4.... make a searching and fearless moral inventory of why I have not dealt with it earlier...

Steve

_________________________
When the pain of remaining the same finally outweighs the pain of change---things will begin.... life is meant to be enjoyed not endured.

Top
#280679 - 03/24/09 10:15 PM Re: Porn amd masturbation-trigger warning [Re: mapleleafsn]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1100
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
I've mentioned it in several posts that I was exposed to hard core porn at 11. Porn addiction has a been a problem on and off for me ever since the internet appeared (yes, I'm that old...).

I'm 25 days sex chat room/porn/cam free! One day at a time...

Still masturbate occasionally though... Wife had a hysterectomy a couple years ago (side effect of chemo). Her interest in sex dropped, but I must admit that I've held back some to...

The last time we had sex was right when I was doing the 30 hour/week thing with Yahoo. I had trouble "performing". Never, ever happened to me before... Scared the shit out of me... That was when I stopped yahoo. Been a little scared to have sex with her since. She's been sick with a cold, so no opportunity anyway...

Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

Top
#280722 - 03/25/09 04:33 AM Re: Porn amd masturbation-trigger warning [Re: Jim1961]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Jim,

I struggle with the aspect of whether to masturbate or not. Even thou my wife and I have not had sex in several months and I am not comfortable with the images that go thru my mind as I masturbate. A Lot of years of hardcore porn stored inside of my head.
Besides for me at least I need some time to re frame from sexual activity. So that I can gain some perspective on the emotional aspects of my sexuality and not just the physical aspect of it(pleasure,orgasm). To me their is not really a lot of emotional content in having sex. More of just a physical activity and release of pented up energy.
Not really sure where my relationship to my wife is at right now anyway or where it may headed.
So I need some time to clear my head so to speak. to re frame from activities that I use to escape the pressures and stresses of my life. To allow myself to truly take a look at what I am feeling and what I want from my life and those in my life.
I want to stop just doing things that I feel compelled to do for whatever reason as a man,father,son,employee or husband.
For today at 47, I feel I am at a point in my life where there are a lot of opened doors for me. Because of where I have come in my recovery that were not available for me just just a few months ago.
I am really aware of not only my issues that must be addressed in my marriage but also those of my wife's that need to be resolved in order for our marriage to survive. Will It? I don't know because all I can do is clean up my side of the street. And part of this for me is to re frame from acting in with porn and masturbation.
I see it as another dysfunctional behavior pattern that no longer is needed for me to survive or function in life. But has in fact been a hindrance in my ability to be the whole mature person that I am striving to become.

Mike


_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

Top
#281563 - 03/30/09 10:13 PM Re: Porn amd masturbation-trigger warning [Re: michael banks]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1955
I don't have the energy to read this whole thread right now, but I know I need to read it. I have issues with the whole porn/mb thing and it has been an on and off issue for a long time. I'm quite certain the whole being sexually violated thing is right were is all started. I didn't look at any yesterday and I'm getting of the computer right now and going to read a book. I might have more to add after I read the thread. Thanks everyone for sharing and bringing up a tough topic to discuss.

Eric


Top
#281722 - 03/31/09 07:34 PM Re: Porn amd masturbation-trigger warning [Re: michael banks]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1100
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Originally Posted By: michael banks
Jim,

I struggle with the aspect of whether to masturbate or not. Even thou my wife and I have not had sex in several months and I am not comfortable with the images that go thru my mind as I masturbate. A Lot of years of hardcore porn stored inside of my head.
Besides for me at least I need some time to re frame from sexual activity. So that I can gain some perspective on the emotional aspects of my sexuality and not just the physical aspect of it(pleasure,orgasm). To me their is not really a lot of emotional content in having sex. More of just a physical activity and release of pented up energy.
Not really sure where my relationship to my wife is at right now anyway or where it may headed.
So I need some time to clear my head so to speak. to re frame from activities that I use to escape the pressures and stresses of my life. To allow myself to truly take a look at what I am feeling and what I want from my life and those in my life.
I want to stop just doing things that I feel compelled to do for whatever reason as a man,father,son,employee or husband.
For today at 47, I feel I am at a point in my life where there are a lot of opened doors for me. Because of where I have come in my recovery that were not available for me just just a few months ago.
I am really aware of not only my issues that must be addressed in my marriage but also those of my wife's that need to be resolved in order for our marriage to survive. Will It? I don't know because all I can do is clean up my side of the street. And part of this for me is to re frame from acting in with porn and masturbation.
I see it as another dysfunctional behavior pattern that no longer is needed for me to survive or function in life. But has in fact been a hindrance in my ability to be the whole mature person that I am striving to become.

Mike


Mike,
If I'm really honest, then I have to agree that my "occasional" masturbation is not healthy. Primarily because it allows me to avoid my wife physically, but also because it is yet another way to relive (or at least indulge) the abuse.

Yesterday I was high as a kite (you may notice that I can get rather manic at times), then I saw my T who gave me some simple "homework", man did that bring me down (by bringing up messy stuff). I won't go into the details here, maybe in another thread.

So here I was last night. Got to the hotel late. Feeling bad, nasty emotions just under the surface. I chat here until 1 am (thank you Barney!). And then to bed...

When I masturbated, I did and thought certain things that I know are related to the abuse and (apparent) consequent SSA. Nothing positive in that. But, at least I did not go into the hell hole of sex chat/porn (which is only a click away...and so tempting). So I am now 5 weeks free from the sex chat/porn, but not totally free from the addiction (masturbation/fantasies/behaviors). More to work on for sure.

Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.