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#2790 - 06/12/05 10:20 PM panic and isolation
puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/05
Posts: 129
Loc: earth
i dont even want to write about this. its ruining my day and i cant get it off my mind. but its really embarassing and weird to talk about it. i dont know what my problem is really. i know i have anxiety. sometimes i think it is more than that. maybe its social anxiety. i dont know. i cant rally admit it to anyone. ive talked aobut it in therapy. i need medication. but for some reason i cant really talk to my friends about it. i feel really embarassed and almost pathetic. i was supposed to work today. and the idea of leaving my house is unbearable. so i called in sick. and i cant even walk my dog. i dont know why. rationally i know that nothing will happen. but the idea of being out there just makes me feel so scared. i dont understand this at alll. and i am a psychology major. so youd think i would have it all figured out. i know about the neurology of things like anxiety. but that doesnt make it go away. some days i can go out and im fine. i can hang out wih my friends and just be normal. but other days i wake up and its just there. it doesnt go away. it ruins the day. sometimes a few days, sometimes a week. its just the most vulnerable sick terrified feeling. i feel so trapped. and i dont want to talk about it. but i know if i dont, i will never deal with it. and the more i tell myself to be ashamed of it the more ill isolate myself. i hate that ive become such a mess of a person. i know it probably all stems from being abused. but i dont like who i am. i dont like who ive become.

_________________________
pUpPy

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#2792 - 06/12/05 11:48 PM Re: panic and isolation
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Puppy, I got some real bad panic attack a couple of days ago.

In a Supermarket and waiting in a queue, but it can happen anywhere, like I just feel vulnerable and hurt.

It is bad when it happens, and it real hurts, like it is not the way it should be, but I have to live with it.

I suppose it was because a load of guys where standing around me, and some behind, which really freaked me. I just felt like my legs were like jelly and I was shaking.

I suppose its something we have to live with, but its not easy,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#2793 - 06/13/05 02:56 AM Re: panic and isolation
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
I am there also. Diag 2yrs ago and been on zoloft 4 1 year and it really had brought down the symptoms.

I was away on a business trip a few days ago at a training with about 150 guys and boy I am glad zoloft was inside of me.

Using the bathroom was a nightmare to me and I had to escape outside a few times to get some fresh air through out the days there.

I does get better. \:\)

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#2794 - 06/23/05 04:40 AM Re: panic and isolation
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
After reading your post, I realize now that this is what happens to me - panic attacks - when I'm in certain social situations. Every time I went out with friends I would have an escape route...I'd always drive myself, I would sneak away soon after I felt a panic and a certain isolation come over me. Looking back at it now, I realize that I was having these reactions because I thought maybe people were getting too close to me and that I could only take so much socializing at a time....all I wanted to do was run and hide. In a way I was seeking some attention for the pain I was feeling- running away suddenly got me out of the situation, but left the door open to "someone" who might understand my flight mechanisms. This just worried people when they couldn't find me, but it worked for me at the time because I did what needed to be done - I escaped.

Too bad this didn't happen when I was 10. The hold my perpetrator had on me would not allow me to escape.

Maybe we can't cope any longer in a given situation(s) and the brain kicks in with these kind of "attacks." It's what we do to survive I think. Almost a sensory overload.

I used to spend weekends hiding in my apartment, recovering from all the pretending and posing I would do during the week just to get by. It's a terrible circle sometimes. I've gotten to a place where I don't do this anymore, but I still feel these attacks lurking at times.

You can get through these times. They suck, they really do, but you have to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Surviving to this day has been because I focused on this light, that I would someday get there and I would be free! The thing I realized at a young age was that I KNEW it would be hard work, that there would be a lot of battles and a lot of mistakes....somehow I just knew I could make it out and you can too.

Please, don't ever give up! Places like this website are a Godsend. Please talk your way through things, it's the best way to healing and recovery. You have so many survivors here who understand what you're going through and will offer any advice they can give. I'm grateful for it.

The panic is less often now for me because of the work I've done that includes counseling, meds, and being a member of this site.
I'm still not free, nor do I think I ever will be. But I have begun to live again and it's the greatest feeling I could ever have imagined.
Hope you're feeling better as of late and thanks for your post. It helped me fit together a small peace of my puzzle and I hope this reply lends some help to you.

Peace

Chris

_________________________
WoR Kirkridge '08
WoR Alta Advanced '09
International Conference '10, '12
Oprah 200
PA Support Group
WoR Alta Advanced '12
"Silence Buster"

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#2795 - 06/25/05 04:20 AM Re: panic and isolation
cat4527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/16/05
Posts: 51
Loc: Annandale, VA.
Puppy,
Ihave had the same experience when I broke through my medication about 4 years ago and was put into the hospital.
I was having severe anxiety (panic) attacks. To help combat them I am on Ativan and Neurontin. Has helped a lot but I still have a problem with crowded places and usually go when the traffic is light.
My wife usually goes to the store without me or I wind up sitting in the car.
Don't be hard on yourself and don't be ashamed.
your brother in arms.

rik


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