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#278678 - 03/08/09 07:40 PM Celebrate Recovery ????
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6540
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Is it just me, or is Celebrate Recovery for CSA survivors a dreadful misapplication of the program?

I tried many weeks of CR and finally waltzed-out for good. NEWS FLASH FOR CR LEADERS: I am not to blame for my abuse!

_________________________
Stop expecting people to be other than what they are! You'll be so much better-off. [Christopher, age 10]

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#278695 - 03/08/09 09:55 PM Re: Celebrate Recovery ???? [Re: Still]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 686
Damn Robbie, you have a shitty leader or two if someone is telling you that. I am in CR, have been for about 3 years, and because Sex Addiction is big in this region, so is openness to sexual abuse. When I just had to just tell someone about my SA, I did so in a sex addicts group, and there was no change of direction, retort, correction, or misguided advice. Two guys then shared how their own SA had affected their sexual behaviours. One guideline is "we are here to support one another, not fix one another". My sponsor and closest friend are both sex addicts. And one experienced SA himself. So we have open conversations. That is what has never made me feel like an outsider.

As far as negative experiences, I had one. Under extreme stress, like when I started, I can be quite passive, accepting other people's beliefs and standards and not saying differently. I was in a codependency group, still am, and one leader for the group was---really controlling. I would say something, and although crosstalk is not allowed, I felt like he was in control of my feelings and the group's direction for that night. That said to me "Not Safe". I spoke about it several times in group (not doing crosstalk). He actually left a few months later due to a clash he had with the leaders. I've found the higher ups there very seasoned and sober enough to read people well. They knew he was brewing trouble.

Anyway, Robbie, if you are able or willing, TELL SOMEBODY what has come your way. Noone, anytime, has ever been given authority over you. I believe it to be very belittling. Someone just needs to be corrected quickly. Period.

I hope you have future success should you continue. Because those without our experiences have no right saying such things. Take care.


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#278699 - 03/08/09 11:17 PM Re: Celebrate Recovery ???? [Re: Still]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
Robbie
I looked at Celebrate Recovery and made an email enquiry
and I had doubts
thank you for your feedback

I get the impression its more for addictions - where addicts made choices

could well be it's not for CSA

the leader I emailed ignored my question
I got the impression he has a one programme fits all approach
and I am sick of that

Robbie - may God show you a group / programme / ministry
whatever who DOES understand you
who does not blame you
who doesn't give stupid insensitive advice

maybe next time ask - "Have you any experience with sexual abuse?"

I was talking to man after church last night and I asked that question
his deceased wife had witnessed her sister being abused

he was very sympathetic

he opened up the>

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#278708 - 03/08/09 11:59 PM Re: Celebrate Recovery ???? [Re: nathan555]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2586
I think it really depends on the group and who's running it. The one I visted ONCE (yes, I only went once and never returned) was definitely not for me or even safe enough for me to share about SA. I was nervous enough as it was, but when I realized that ALL the guys met together and any/all issues were discussed, I was out of there never to return. I've talked to others who have been to CR groups and in the ones they attended people with similar addictions grouped up. That might have been more comfortable for me, but the fact that it appears to just be a more "Christianized" 12 step recovery program for addictions kinda turned me off to it as well. While I know many SA survivors have addictions, it wasn't what I was looking for or needed at the time, and either way, the way the local one around me was run, was REALLY not for me.

So I sit alone. :-( At least I have a T. A local group would be nice, but I've beaten that horse far too much. I hate loneliness.


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#278713 - 03/09/09 12:16 AM Re: Celebrate Recovery ???? [Re: JustScott]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
Scott
thanks for confirming my suspicions
I would have been so frustrated in such a group

I am trying to set up something myself
it will take time
but it will be purpose build for male survivors
by male survivors

guess I am very very fortunate to be in a church small group for men with at least four survivors

but otherwise thee is nothing in this city of five million people

Nathan


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#278724 - 03/09/09 01:55 AM Re: Celebrate Recovery ???? [Re: nathan555]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Scott,

I feel today that my addictions were a blessing in disguise because they force me into the rooms of AA and the 12 step approach to recovery. They are just way to learn to look inside of yourself and to address the problems that we cause ourselves.
They taught me that most of my problems are self-inflicted and that in order to change my life all I had to do was change myself.
Mic Hunter has a book about the 12 steps and how csa survivors can apply them to our lives. might be worth looking into.
In regards to CR sometimes we have to realize that any support is better than no support.
I don't know about you but isolation is worst then death to me.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#278728 - 03/09/09 03:55 AM Re: Celebrate Recovery ???? [Re: michael banks]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6540
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
In the CR I went to, there was always a group reading of the 12 steps. I NEVER felt comfortable about several of the steps. I'm not an abuser. I am not addicted. I dont have a long string of those I've wronged as a result of my non-existent addiction.

I dont need 12 steps to recover. I think the 12-steps is taking the healing power of Christ and humanizing the locus of healing power. Instead, I experience and FULLY believe now that a ONE-STEP healing program applies to any of us. That is; The healing power of Christ,,,but he does not fix us in a flash. We learn things along the way to make our healing complete. MS (I believe) was a gift from God to me so that I would never feel like I was the only one, so that I could be affirmed, so that I would not feel like a freak, so that I could fellowship with other survivors (saved and yet-to-be saved).

Some day I'll stand up and claim a state of true healing and peace.

_________________________
Stop expecting people to be other than what they are! You'll be so much better-off. [Christopher, age 10]

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#278732 - 03/09/09 07:42 AM Re: Celebrate Recovery ???? [Re: Still]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
Robbie
I agree entirely.
MS has greatly helped me but only through the strength and healing power of Jesus Christ, His love which removes fear, His healing power, can I press on to claim my recovery.
Nathan


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#278759 - 03/09/09 01:29 PM Re: Celebrate Recovery ???? [Re: nathan555]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Rob,

So you are telling me that in your entire life you have not hurt others as a direct result of your behaviors resulting from your csa issues.
I bet your wife and others close to you would state other wise.

The 12 steps are away to look at,recognized and to make amends to such persons that we had harmed as a direct result of our own behaviors. All of our behaviors, sober or drunk it does not matter. Nor does it matter how many people you have hurt. What is important is to take responsibility and to change those behaviors which have hurt others and ourselves.

I believe that God puts all people and all things in this world.
Who am I to judge those who seek out and help those who are lost or hurting.
Was not the jew who was beaten,robbed and left in the ditch to die. Past by those of whom proclaimed to have the same faith as he. And was it not the samartian who reached out,pick up and carried this man. To where he could be treat and cared for until he was healed. In fact did he not pay for his care out of his own pocket.
So in fact who was more like Christ?
Those who proclaim to have faith or the samartian (who would not even have been aklowledged as even existing by those who claimed faith)who went out of his way and at expense to himself to care for someone he did not even know.

God, works in mysterious ways and His ways are not our ways.

In the end will we not be judge as we judge others?
You can not judge everybody by the actions of a few.

There is nothing more damaging to recovery in my opinion then a closed mind.
Is this not the problem alot of the bible thrumpers display to the world today.

In fact whom did Christ chose to serve?
Was it not in the sinners of his time and he rejected the so called holy ones.

Why was that?
A closed mind to the truth maybe?

Mike



_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#278768 - 03/09/09 01:44 PM Re: Celebrate Recovery ???? [Re: michael banks]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6540
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Originally Posted By: michael banks
Rob,

You are getting awefully close to sounding alot like those bible thrumpers you so rail against.

So you are telling me that in your entire life you have not hurt others as a direct result of your behaviors resulting from your csa issues.
I bet your wife and others close to you would state other wise.

The 12 steps are away to look at,recognized and to make amends to such persons that we had harmed as a direct result of our own behaviors. All of our behaviors, sober or drunk it does not matter.


THAT is highly likely. However, I'm not seeing a connection between CR and ME. CR feels like adding diesel fuel to my Gas-powered Saturn.

But I'll give what you say a LOT more thought. The discomfort and sense of being mis-fit into the program may be a great indicator. If it is...I'm not sure I have the capacity to handle it right now. My CSR group makes me feel connected with others. The CR group makes me feel like Rush Limbaugh at a NOW convention.

_________________________
Stop expecting people to be other than what they are! You'll be so much better-off. [Christopher, age 10]

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

Top
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