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#278296 - 03/05/09 09:41 AM my brother
JBells Offline


Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 218
Loc: Juneau
think i mentioned this on here before. my brother, who was one of my abusers, probably the worst one because of the way he did things. he's continued to harrass me, its just on-going verbal abuse and intimidation right up until last week. so i took some advice and got a restraining order. not because i really thought it would keep him away but because the embarassment and fear he'd feel and the fact that i actually pushed back. Anyway, i called him and told him it was coming. I also told him exactly what it would say refering to physical/sexual abuse. For the first time ever that i can remember he was just speechless, i could tell it was an awkward moment for him and i loved it lol. he said nothing for a few minutes and then he started talking, stuttering over his words, and i could hear it in his voice, finally him, not me who was afraid. It was all i could do not to laugh out loud. So he's basically leaving messages and emailing me, he wants to get together and "talk things out" LOL. Imagine that? he all of a sudden wants to talk things out with his kid brother. excuse me while i puke. I told him it was just too late. This may not seem like a big deal to anyone but me and thats ok. First time in my life i ever did anything to stand up to them and it feels pretty good. JB


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#278299 - 03/05/09 09:58 AM Re: my brother [Re: JBells]
Juni Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 502
Loc: Florida, WPB
JB

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It is inspiring for those, like myself, who lack the courage. You faced the fear and take back control. Wow! You are a bigger man than I am for sure.

At the same time, an opportunity to make things right with you siblings is pure gold. It is a shame that it took a restraining order to bring it about, but this is also an opportunity I wish I had, an opportunity to bury the hatchet and have a good relationship once again. If it were me, I would take another look at that opportunity some time down the road.

Juni

_________________________
Today I'm O.K.
One day at a time I make the journey.

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#278304 - 03/05/09 10:35 AM Re: my brother [Re: Juni]
JBells Offline


Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 218
Loc: Juneau
i don't see it as an opportunity to make things right with him, i haven't done anything to him that i need to make right and he never gave me any chance at a normal life or any choices so im not giving him any chance to try and make things right. its too late. theres nothing he could say to me that would make it right. plus he's not sorry, he's scared. and its got nothing to do with being a bigger man or lacking courage. i just had enough of his shit. whats the worst that could happen? nothing. he's already done the worst to me, theres nothing else he could do. i loved him so much before it all started and i loved him the entire time he was hurting me because i wanted him to love me back. thats not too much to ask for. part of me still loves him and wants him to love me but then i think about what his definition of love was and the anger takes over.


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#278308 - 03/05/09 10:58 AM ... [Re: JBells]
St3v3n Offline


Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 102
...


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#278309 - 03/05/09 11:08 AM Re: my brother [Re: JBells]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
jb!

Quote:
so i took some advice and got a restraining order. not because i really thought it would keep him away but because the embarassment and fear he'd feel and the fact that i actually pushed back.

^^^^^^^
this is so incredible!

it just makes me wanna


_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#278311 - 03/05/09 11:27 AM Re: my brother [Re: Sans Logos]
JBells Offline


Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 218
Loc: Juneau
that was good, no idea who it is but its good. I was thinking something a little more 2009, but its good smile


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#278313 - 03/05/09 11:38 AM Re: my brother [Re: St3v3n]
lars3229 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 800
Loc: Iowa
"This may not seem like a big deal to anyone but me and thats ok. First time in my life i ever did anything to stand up to them and it feels pretty good. JB"

I think you did the right thing. Bravo JB. smile

Ken

_________________________
You may trod me
in the very dirt
But still,
like dust,
I'll rise.

-Maya Angelou

"I quite often remember to forget these sorts of things."
-Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie

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#278315 - 03/05/09 11:49 AM Re: my brother [Re: lars3229]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
This post actually made me laugh out loud when I read it. I can`t even imagine getting angry, confronting, or even stop striving for my brothers acceptance. Thanks for having the courage that I wish I had.


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#278322 - 03/05/09 12:30 PM Re: my brother [Re: Riley]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3389
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
JB,

that's a HUGE thing man!!!

you are taking a big step forward in taking back the control that was taken away from you by the abuse of your brother - he's no longer in control - his response proves that - I can only imagine how good it's got to feel to be able to take back that power from him - to finally be able to take back that which he took from you so many years ago

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#278327 - 03/05/09 01:22 PM Re: my brother [Re: TJ jeff]
JBells Offline


Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 218
Loc: Juneau
thanks. it feels really good, like really really good. i should have done it years ago


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