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damn this sux i wish i had an answer for you. i feel so powerless to help you. i'm just grateful you have not reached that point you mention. praying for and with you rob that the pressure of your suffering is soon relieved.

ron

I recently have a program attacking anxiety and depression by lucinda bassett I am starting on. I know its probably for those with anxiety and panic disorder and not PTSD and chronic depression but its cognitive behavioral self help therapy and may take the edge off. Anyhting to attack these demons. Stay strong Robbie.

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I am no medical doctor but I would queation the medication you are taking. Not all anti-depressants work for all people. In fact from my experience with friends and family members who are taking medication the opposite is more often true. Not sure what to say about not being able to address the issue of depression with your doctor and your therpaist, except that if you feel that you are not being listened to then I would venture to say you might want to evaluate whether these are people you want to keep seeing. Concerning therapy I went through years of disapointment with seeing a number of them until I found the right one. Concerning medication, I am lucky to have tried one that worked right off the bat. However, like I said I feel lucky since this hasn't been everyone's experience. Anyways I know first hand that its hard to take positive action when you are feeling as low as you are but try to keep trying OK? My thoughts are with you.

Hi Robbie,

Well what can I say to you to help you?

You have been very helpful to me, you have given me hope when I had none.

The only thing that I can offer you comes from the very depths of my soul, My compassion, My understanding and My love for a brother/friend in deep pain.

You know at times I wish I was God so I could heal all of us (then) boys who became troubled men in pain.

Just where was HE then? And where is HE now?

Hang in there Robbie, I need you.

Heal well my brother/friend.

Pete (Irishmoose)

Robbie,
A good friend of mine went through a lot of depression over several years. He also had to get free of alcoholism so his body and brain chemistry worked againsst him. He did have a psych that really helped him work the variables and find good med combos. If they aren't being proactive it may be worth a 2nd opinion. Are you on clonazapam or geodon... some of them can be great but can also be very harsh and ineffective. His psych monitored medicated and unmedicated baselines, body chemistry, sex drives and attitudes... all very proactive. You may benefit from a 2nd opinion.

Thank you for the support guys. I always worry that it looks as if I'm attention-seeking. I'm not. Sorry if it appears that way.

Been trying to spend a LOT of time with my kids and even went Kayaking yesterday for an hour. The activities provide a brake...which is better than no break at all.

When the activities end, I'm back to the tar-pit of darkness.

Hi Robbie.

I want to tell you that I do not feel at anytime that you are attention seeking.

But I am glad that you get some serenity when you are with your kids, lots of time.

I'm always in a mess here as I have left my only source of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, AND MY SERENITY, my 2 grandkids 8&9 back in Germany. But little Peter had bonded with them, we were too close for me to be able to move out from my lost childhood stage. He/we were thinking that we were in them, we were them. He/we were wishing that we were loved liked them, and wanted to pure and clean like them. But that was impossible. So I had to physically leave them. I get into depression as I alyways told myself that I cannot live without them, and the struggle gets to me way too often. But Little Pete & I better learn to let go and move on.

So Robbie my brother (in pain) my friend (in healing) take care.

Heal well.

Pete (Irishmoose)

You got me crying for you. That's a good thing. Gets out of me and some well-deserved tears for you...with you. I cant imagine the pain.