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#277298 - 02/26/09 12:57 PM Gods answer to "Trusting God No Longer".
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2436
Loc: TEXAS
This is an answer from God, whom I Trusted No Longer, posted on 5/11/08.

These thoughts came to me while I couldn't sleep yesterday night. My mind was drifting in and out of memories of my CSA, but I desperately wanted to get my mind on to something else. And here is what had drifted into my mind, at 0200 Thursday.

It's a long post. Please bare with me.

To, Little Peter and big Pete.

From: The God that you No Longer Trusted, and HIS heavenaly Mother. Time frame is from your birth right up to today.

Well little Peter, I, had chosen you to be the one that lived at birth. I took your sister to be with me, in the kingdom of heaven. I had plans for you during your time on earth.
So Peter a plus for ME.

Little Peter, I know that this is a hard thing for you to understand, but both your heavenly Mother and I were there with you, while you were being emotionally, physically, mentally and sexualy abused by your mother, and that male friend of the family. Just how do you think that you survivrd all that abuse?
A plus for Me and your heavenly Mother.

I know, that your child sexual abuse was buried in the very depths of your mind and soul. Until I decided to remind you of your lost youth and innocense, on the 1st of August of last year. Again little Peter, WE know that it is very hard for you to understand that right now. You may consider this as a minus. But WE consider this a plus.

WE, were there when your mother, was physically, abusing you and throwing knives at you in fits of rage. Just how do you think that those knives missed you? WE were looking after you, as you did survive that abuse. Just how did you survive?
A plus for ME and your heavenly Mother.

WE,little Peter were there with you in the cellar and telephone booth, when you were being sexually abused.WE knew what was happening to you. Just how did you think that you had survived? You could have been killed too, by that friend of the family.
ME and MY Mother consider that a plus.

Just who made that neighbor of yours report that abuse (non sexual) It was buried in the depths of my mind then. To your parish priest to get you away from that physical, emotional and mental abuse?
A plus for ME and your heavenaly Mother.

Just who was responsible for that priest, knowing where to send you to be able to get away from all that sexual, physical, emotional and mental abuse?
Just who do you think was responsible for you being accepted into that Catholic orphanage/Home? Peter?
A plus for ME and your heavenaly Mother.

WE, little Peter, gave you a home full of love, compassion, understanding. A home in security and and emotional stability.
WE, Peter gave you other little boys whom were just like you, abused and not wanted. Those brothers of yours there were in pain too. They were there to help you overcome your lonliness, your anger, your shyness and your lost youth.
But YOU Peter you chose to be a loner and shy.
WE consider this a plus.

WE did keeep you safe from all of your abusers while you were physically on those premeises, for 9 months of the school year, for the 4 years that you were there.
WE consider this a plus.

WE also know little Peter that while there you wern't obeying your church teachings, as you were into loving yourself more than ME and my Mother, by masturbating, in my house. All the while offering you protection from your abusers. But Peter SHE still loved you like a mother.
WE Peter consider this a minus for you. With the exception of MY mothers love for you. Which is a plus from HER.

Your heavenly Mother was watching over you. SHE was listning to your prayers and pleas for HER love. To replace what your earthly mother had refused to you. SHE had seen your tears, she had seen your pain and SHE had seen your confusion.
WE consider this a plus.

WE were with you Peter, when those strangers approached you for their sexual gratification.
But little Peter did not scream. He did not try and run away. He did not try and fight.
And Peter like you had written to US, you certainly knew exactly what they wanted you for.
A minus for you.

Who had given you those loving friends of yours as a very troubled young boy? They gave you safety, compassion understanding and love?
WE consider this a plus.

Just who Peter saved your life when you had that drunken driving accident on Okinawa? Just who do you think was "higher power" in combating alcoholism? You denied US, but wisely chose your then 4 year old son. WE, Peter were working through him for you.

Just who, Peter gave you those 2 boys, your sons? Just who had made you as an abused boy, able to love, nurture and protect them? In spite of your lack of emotional and social skills? You Peter had done a good job.
A plus for Both of US.

Just who Peter had given your son and his wife 2 boys, 11 months`apart? Your grandsons, whom you have given emotional, nurturing and love unconditionaly too? And they have returned to you also unconditionaly? Just who gives you some serenity when you are with them?
A plus for ME and your heavenly Mother.

WE were with you Peter, from the moment of your conception until this very moment.

WE are here in all your pain. We are here in all your tragedys. We are here in all your doubts. All your sadness and joys.
WE have always stood by you, Peter. Even as you are denouncing US. You have forsaken US.

So, little Pete & big Pete, St. Peter on my behalf will greet you at the gates of heaven, however you will have to spend some time in purgatory for your transgressions towards ME and your heavenly Mother.

I, Peter will be fair in my final judgement towards you.

Your heavenaly Mother and I have always loved you, WE still do.
And Peter that is a BIG plus for you.

So considerably more pluses from US. Than all those previously minuses as stated in your letter to GOD.

Love, compassion and understanding to you.

Your, heavenaly Mother and Father in heaven.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#277311 - 02/26/09 01:32 PM Re: Gods answer to "Trusting God No Longer". [Re: petercorbett]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
.



Edited by joelRT (03/15/09 01:45 AM)
Edit Reason: leaving
_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#277330 - 02/26/09 03:56 PM Re: Gods answer to "Trusting God No Longer". [Re: joelRT]
Brother B+ Offline


Registered: 02/19/09
Posts: 16
Loc: France
Thanks, Peter. There is a whole lot of wisdom in what you say. However, saying it and MEANING it and ACCEPTING it are all the more harder to accept, at least for me.

_________________________
"Blessed are those who mourn, they shall be comforted"
St Matthew 5:5

Sometimes I think milk and cookies are the ultimate comfort food!

Brother B+ Story

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#277425 - 02/27/09 11:54 AM Re: Gods answer to "Trusting God No Longer". [Re: petercorbett]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
petercorbett...thank you for writing your truths here. I wanted to let you know that your truths triggered my own.
( I now can add to my lists of things done because i wasnt been able to manage being a vitim of csa and all its ramifications...)

i too was in an accident in okinawa in 1985. I too was the drunk behind the wheel. To my embarassment this created a international incident and costed me my military career...

This is the first time since then that i take responsibility for my own actions.

Yes.. it was the alcohol and a hurt person trying to drown the noise with booze and drugs. I have considered myself dispicable and unworthy of even crossing the threshold of a church. I wont think like that anymore. i just wont. Perhaps heavenly father saved the man i hit becuase he knew i would have killed myself with alcohol or even worse. its been 23 years ago and thats been haunting me. I know from your revelations that my own are kindred to yours...i belive that christ has lifed the burdens, i believe that he led me here, and that i am to let my horrors go and heal...thanks man... nomansanisland

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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#277487 - 02/27/09 06:37 PM Re: Gods answer to "Trusting God No Longer". [Re: nomansanisland]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Noman,

How did you get acess to a car in Okinawa? 1 year at Camp Schwap-1980 3/9 and 6 months at Camp Hanson on a west pac cruise wit 1/1 the First of the First in 1982.
I spent a year and a half there and the only cars I saw americans driving were military issued.
I really relate to your reply.
God found me in an AA meeting of all places and he gave me the strength to change my life. Free me from all desire to drink or to use.
Thur him all things are possible without him we condemn ourselves to hell.
God helps when we learn to get out of the way.
20 years sober and still going strong.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#277608 - 02/28/09 04:12 PM Re: Gods answer to "Trusting God No Longer". [Re: petercorbett]
ed615keefe Offline


Registered: 02/27/09
Posts: 1
Loc: Florida
Peter,
My name is Ed.
I attended The Working Boys Home.
I was not fortunate enough to get out unscathed.:(
I would like to correspond.
You are the first person I have found since leaving the school that went there.
I was 49 before the nightmares stopped.
Ed Keefe


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#277619 - 02/28/09 07:11 PM Re: Gods answer to "Trusting God No Longer". [Re: michael banks]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
Michael banks,

You made me tear up... ( as you are the first person i have talked to about Okinawa)

I bought a new Dihatsu in 83; had Japanese and American insurance. Costed me 3500 new..small but good for seeing the island. Was stationed at Kadena AFB POL refueler for the flightline and trained to inflight refuel in ( Over) Clark AFB...

Lots of drinking going on there...as well as other things which only fueled my fires for drowning my miseries in anyhing I could do to quiet the background noise of abuse...I am sure that my tour in the Pacific pretty much was the rock bottom of my acting out ... Lots of just plain old wierd things happened, I am glad to be alive. As for alcohol, dont really drink anymore, Military condoned it as something to do...I took the bait for awhile and learned that I didnt really like to drink and that I wasnt a good drinker either.

I can say that 5 years ago in april I sat alone for a day and prayed and cried and asked God why I did such things to myself..I promised to change if he'd lift the pain of CSA and self loathing... I will free my own self of the acting out and find my peace through all the same venues that others use here. I have been here for a month and have talked to some really honest and wonderful men. I will hope that my successes are as honest and real as some of theirs...write to me any time its good for me to speak my truths too...Blessings to you and your recoveries...nomansanisland...

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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#277625 - 02/28/09 08:04 PM Re: Gods answer to "Trusting God No Longer". [Re: petercorbett]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
pete, this is just awesome witness! thank yo so much for posting it.

you will have helped so many by posting both the ' before ' and 'after' of your coming to terms with your relationship with god.



i don't think i have ever watched an angst filled recovery process do such an about face in such a short time.

your presence here inspires so many, and will inspire many more to come.

to be 70 years old and fighting as hard as you do. you are showing us all how it's done.

what an inspiration you are. you just made my heart sing.

BIG hugs to you peter.

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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