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#276999 - 02/24/09 10:32 PM Confronting your perp
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Just wondering if you confronted your perp and how that went? Did they admit to it and apologize? Did they deny it and tell you that you were making it up? Also do you think it helped you in your recovery?

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#277001 - 02/24/09 10:55 PM Re: Confronting your perp [Re: onlyakid]
lars3229 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 800
Loc: Iowa
Never have confronted him, but I know where he lives. Roadtrip anyone? laugh

lars

_________________________
You may trod me
in the very dirt
But still,
like dust,
I'll rise.

-Maya Angelou

"I quite often remember to forget these sorts of things."
-Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie

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#277003 - 02/24/09 11:01 PM Re: Confronting your perp [Re: onlyakid]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Yes, I did confront my perp after much thought and preperation on my part. It was a very difficult and stressfull process, and yes for me it has been a help in my recovery.

If you are interested, I would be happy to PM you with much more detail. I do not feel comfortable on this open forum telling many of the details/triggering effects it had on me.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#277008 - 02/24/09 11:16 PM Re: Confronting your perp [Re: KENKEN]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Thanks Ken for now, I'll pass but if I deciede to do it, I will PM you

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#277018 - 02/25/09 12:22 AM Re: Confronting your perp [Re: onlyakid]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
I wish that I could find the SOB. Because I have lived with the damage He caused most of my life

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#277024 - 02/25/09 12:45 AM Re: Confronting your perp [Re: OKIE MIKE]
nocona Offline


Registered: 12/17/08
Posts: 33
Loc: western usa
Over the past 20 years I have confronted my dad a few times. He now at age 74 still will not own anything, and has only appologized for what, and I quote, "I perceive he did wrong." Does it frustrate me at times? ya sure. Is my recovery dependant on him or his admission? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I recover for me and no one else!! I stopped trying or talking with him years ago. - This is just me - but I had to confront him to learn that I don't need him to come clean for me to heal. It was a must process for me. It was hard and difficult as heck though.

_________________________
nocona

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#277026 - 02/25/09 01:06 AM Re: Confronting your perp [Re: nocona]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Several of my perps were unknown to me, and at least a couple are already deceased, but I got to see one of my perps squirm really good when my mother's book came out in 1997. In the preface of her book she wrote how several older boys who were family friends did certain generic things, and my one perp threatened to sue her to force her to change her writing even though he wasn't named. He made a bunch of noise then got laughed right out of court. I haven't heard a word since either.

I recently found another perp of mine living the high life in Burlington, VT. There is a photo of him on his brokerage firm's website. I always wanted to send him a tough voicemail. Guy is made of money and I wonder how much of it he would be willing to part with???

But the most-damaging perp of mine has remained a mystery. And the 2nd most-damaging drank himself to death more than 20 years ago. So confronting them is impossible. But as Nocona says, my recovery has not been dependent on confronting them. It was a good day for me when I heard that my one perp was going to sue, and an even better one when he was told that he had no case. Too bad there was a statute of limitations because he basically incriminated himself with his legal action. I know where he lives too.

Maybe someday I'll get even, though probably not. I hardly ever even think about them or what they did these days anyway.

You guys can get to that point too if you keep trying,

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#277027 - 02/25/09 01:07 AM Re: Confronting your perp [Re: onlyakid]
jesusstrength Offline


Registered: 02/16/09
Posts: 18
Loc: USA
thank you for all the help and guidance.


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#277041 - 02/25/09 04:36 AM Re: Confronting your perp [Re: onlyakid]
pemac01 Offline


Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 25
Loc: Texas
Mine Died before I was old enough or strong enuf to confront him. My lifer would have gone down a whole lot different and probably darker path if I had been able to.


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#277141 - 02/25/09 05:22 PM Re: Confronting your perp [Re: nocona]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Wow...your DAD did that to you!? I AM SO SORRY!!!! WOW!

I confronted mine...he PUBLICLY denied it in an e-mail to the entire family on my dad's side (he is my dad's youngest brother).

He is in the Armed Forces fighting bravely for our great country...how reinforcing is THAT!?

I pray we ALL find a way to heal completely from what has happened. I still see it sometimes in my sleep....


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