Andy, it resonates a lot with me, thanks for posting this.
"My motives for doing so were clear to me: if I do it, others won't."
I couldn't agree more. I think I use the same technique, a lot lately. It's easier to bash myself than face the problem. And If I bash myself hard enough, no one else should need to do it, right?
"I just know I hated who I was, and was hasty to beat anyone else to the punch, emtionally-speaking."
Been there too lately. SOmeone recently asked my why i was so unwilling to let others love me. I asked them how they could possibly love me when I can't even love myself.
"At times yes, but not to the point of making myself lower than whale dung in the social midst of it all."
Never thought of it that way, I tend to resonate with the word worthless every time I screw up enough to go on a "me bashing" spree.
I'd welcome any thoughts on it. I know I need to stop beating myself up, just can't seem to stop doing it.
Thanks for the post Andy.