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#275234 - 02/14/09 01:54 PM hope for healing
DannyT Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 402
Hi Guys,

I've been away from the site for a year or so, so Hi to any old friends!

I was reading Joël's recent post and wanted to reply to a particular line: he said,"what I need is to stop pretending that there is an end to this journey and that at that end, happiness and fulfillment are waiting for me and I will claim them as my prize for a race well run."

At this point in my life I strongly believe we can heal fully such that the scars that may seem so devastating become like the scars from an old sports accident, stories from the long history of a beautiful and amazing life.

I believe we can free ourselves from the pain and sadness and bewildering complexity of seemingly endless self-searching.

I believe we can let go of the blame and anger.

I believe we can become fully happy, fully alive, brimming over with the joy of each new day.

I believe we can reach a point where the pain seems almost a blessing for the amazing quality of our compassion for others and the clarity with which we can see. I believe the pain makes the beauty of the world we finally see so rich and colorful that it is truly breathtaking.

I believe that though it seems a long and painful road, the journey is so worth it that I would live it over and over again to see the complexity of the growing self slowly coming to fruition.

I believe it is possible to stop being the victim of abuse, that the victimization can sink away like a weight in the sea leaving us clean again.

I don't feel the old pain any more. I don't cry out at night wondering who I am. I don't second guess myself in my interactions with others. I don't blame my dad, not because I'm not supposed to or because I'm forcing myself not to, but because it just doesn't matter in the same way anymore. My habits of being are not the old habits of abuse. I am not the same man I was before, hurt and dying inside.

I believe our consciousness is ours, not our abusers. I believe we can take ourselves and shape our reactions, finding the unmolested self and allowing him to come back to life.

I know we do not need to live buried lives swallowed by the pain and that we can slough off the scars and become again whole.

Joël, you're not pretending anything when you hope for the best. I'm hear to say life can be beautiful for all of us, too. CSA is not a sentence. It's an event, a happening. It brings all kinds of things with it. We tend to emphasize the pain because we're healing. But we're also slowly but surely learning the depths of the human experience. We're coming to grips with loneliness and the power of sex in ways few others ever see. That makes it hard, because we feel like there are so few people who can understand us. But when the pain begins to pass, for me at least I feel an overwhelming sense of compassion and love for my fellow men and women, that we all suffer abuse of some kind to greater or lesser extent and our way of dealing with it brings depth and beauty.

I don't regret anything in my life anymore, because regretting the abuse would mean letting go of all the growth I've had, the sense of building a life of my own that I love.

Healing happens.

Love,

Danny


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#275236 - 02/14/09 01:59 PM Re: hope for healing [Re: DannyT]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
glorious testimony danny and thanks for sharing!

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#275242 - 02/14/09 02:30 PM Re: hope for healing [Re: Sans Logos]
riveerboy Offline


Registered: 02/04/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Indiana
Wow. That was great. Thanks. Jacque.


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#275277 - 02/14/09 10:19 PM Re: hope for healing [Re: DannyT]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Danny,

It would seem that, from the height of your now oh so well being, that you mke many assumptions about me and about knowing me.

What, pray tell do you know of my acceptance of my truth, or my compassion for others pain, my dedication to contributing my little part for someone else's well being.....

Recovery is an endless journey friend - get used to it- and if you are now in that place of beatitude, please I want some of what your doc has got you on...............

You read ONE of my posts and make a judgement call about me ??????

Sit down, fool - pull up the rocvery stool and rest your feet some, you're gonna be here a while longer yet!

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#275286 - 02/14/09 10:54 PM Re: hope for healing [Re: joelRT]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Danny,

This is awesome. I hope you will consider posting this permanently in the Progress Forum. It is like the Survivor Stories forum but for stories of recovery. This would be perfect!

Peace, love and congratulations!

Michael


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#275312 - 02/15/09 12:45 AM Re: hope for healing [Re: M3]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
It is always good to hear that someone in recovery is doing great and learning to live free without their past. I'm with Danny, in that recovery is a long and winding road, but there is a promised land at the end of that road. My life is proof of that.

Thanks Danny for sharing your triumph,

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#275313 - 02/15/09 12:53 AM Re: hope for healing [Re: Trucker51]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Well, I'll say it again - I want whatever it is that you guys are taking, and I'll have it in the economy size please!

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#275314 - 02/15/09 12:57 AM Re: hope for healing [Re: Trucker51]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Danny,

What was that rock you crawl out from under called ignorance?
Glad you are on one of the platueas we find ourselves from time to time.
You should have learned by now not to base your experience on giving you the right to judge anothers experience.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#275317 - 02/15/09 01:06 AM Re: hope for healing [Re: michael banks]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I had to get it in Super Size myself, since I am the size of an NFL lineman these days!!! Have you ever been really drunk and thrown dog bones at the players? I have. Woof, woof, woof, go Browns!!! I saw Gran Torino today. It was filmed in my old hometown. It was a decent movie. Perhaps you would enjoy getting out and seeing it Joel. And Defiance wasn't too bad either. When you come to Denver, give us a call.

Quebec is beautiful in the Fall!!!

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#275319 - 02/15/09 01:16 AM Re: hope for healing [Re: Trucker51]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Experience & intelligence both tell me to forego being baited, Mark, but I'm truly happy for you that you are enjoying your little high.

Rest assured that we will all be here to pick you up when next you crash................

The first hallmark of true recovery is humility, that's spelled H.U.M.I.L.I.T.Y.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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