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#27507 - 12/12/02 02:31 PM Should I be here
Mark S Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
Hi all.

I often wonder whether this site is really appropriate for me. I get a lot out of reading the many posts, I'm inspired by how people deal with their issues and the will to help others. I also find it helpfull when replying to posts, (It makes me really think about my situation etc).

However I struggle to come to terms with the fact that what I went through was so different to a majority of the contributors of theses pages. As I have said I wasn't raped/abused till I was almost eighteen and then again when I was nearly twenty. Yes I know I was in a vulnerable state and was repeatedly raped during the months of my stays etc, but I wasn't a child . I often feel a fraud, not having been through what so many of you have. And yet I still get days where I will cry non stop.

I read the posts on triggers at this time of the year and whilst I do feel more sad in the run up to Christmas it is because I long for a time when everthing was relatively perfect, (my childhood). A time before that male nurse violated me. I had a slightly odd childhood but nothing remotely as traumatic as many of my fellow contributors.

I don't really know what I want to say. Am I asking permission to be part of these forums. Maybe I just wanted to put accross how I'm feeling.

Mark S


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#27508 - 12/12/02 02:47 PM Re: Should I be here
andrew-almost52 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 243
Loc: canada
Of course you belong here Mark. I remember your story well. I quote:

"Just a brief outline to my situation. 15 years ago I found myself in hospital under the 'care' of a male nurse. I was repeatedely raped and sexually abused during my stay (I had to have life saving brain surgery). Two years later I found myself in the same hospital after an accident and again was repeatedly and brutally raped by this same nurse. I withdrew from everyone after these assaults. I was only 17."

I can't imagine how you might suppose that you don't qualify (assuming that you need to qualify)
as a male survivor of SA. What happened to you was unbelievable. I hope the nurse was charged with sexual assault or rape.


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#27509 - 12/12/02 03:19 PM Re: Should I be here
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Mark, please hear Andrew's good words. You belong here as much as any of us my friend.

There's pretty good evidence that men who were abused "only" as adults are less likely to come forward, even in a forum like this one, becuz of just what you seem to be feeling: they feel that as adults they should have been able to protect themselves & stop the abuse, and becuz they didn't they really weren't abused.

Well, in a word, brother--bullsh*t!

If this were the case it would be consensual sex. What you went thru sure as h*ll wasn't consensual!
You were in the hospital, obviously sick & in a weakened & vulnerable position both physically & emotionally. You were taken advantage of by someone you should have been able to trust to take care of you. That, my friend, is abuse, and very traumatic abuse!

Mark, you not only belong here, you are particularly brave to be here-- becuz you are a member of a minority here, becuz you've done something most men "like you," ie abused "only" as adults, haven't yet been able to do...

You've come forward. You've shared your story here, at the place that IMNSHO is the best place in the world, at least online, for any male survivor to share their story!

And you, my friend, are definitely a survivor!

Welcome, again, to the brotherhood, Mark! \:\)

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#27510 - 12/12/02 07:29 PM Re: Should I be here
Mark S Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
Thank You


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#27511 - 12/12/02 07:39 PM Re: Should I be here
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Mark
your problems are our problems.

Dave \:\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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