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#274847 - 02/11/09 07:02 PM reject of Outward Bound Colorado
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I've been told that I can't go because I have too many problems and that I was a disturbance. They don't want me to return. I try to warn what folks are recieving when they get me, it don't seem to help. I tell them I'm disabled, I don't seem to look the part, so everything falls on me for being my fault. I try to explain the best I can as to why and what to expect. I don't deal with the same core things and it seems unheard of, I can yell it from the rooftops and it's not heard.

Every event in my life is taken away from me one by one because I can't be who I was. I was strong, I was active, I was intelligent, I was the person anybody could go to, I was more than anybody ever told me I could be and it's just continually taken away.

How am I not worthless? because I breath? I'm not understood here, I'm not wanted in the world, most everybody has a reason to leave me behind. My friends do what they can. I don't get better, what happens to me don't take breaks just because people can't deal with it. It's not an act! I need help, the kind you can't get from any hospital! I fail everything because the tests are set up for everybody else. My only purpose is for pain, heartache, and rejection.



Edited by usmc97 (02/12/09 08:36 PM)
Edit Reason: changed title
_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#274858 - 02/11/09 07:42 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: usmc97]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
WHO said you were a disturbance? Someone in the Wings office? I think I need to make a phone call or two.

I'm not accepting the fact that you "have too many problems". You were as much an important part of that group as the rest of the guys.

frown

M


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#274929 - 02/12/09 09:20 AM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: MarkK]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Kevin,

You are not a disturbance. The Outward Bound weekend will not be the same without you there in attendance. I want you to know that I want you there with the rest of us survivors. I'm with Mark. I too will make a phone call or two.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#274997 - 02/12/09 08:36 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: KENKEN]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
It's how things always seem to be, it's like I have a disability that's not welcome anywhere. They put it like I choose to have the problems that I do and don't care to understand that I'm the one that has to go through it all.

My appearance, my age, everything about me seems to throw people off and I end up paying for it. If it were some guy in a wheel chair, somebody with cancer, or something else that they could visually see they wouldn't treat me so bad everywhere. They think what I have to go through isn't what it is, they think it's less that what it is, so far it's going to be terminal but who cares it's just me. It always seems like I'm the only one screwed up in this way.... nobody knows what to do with me and nobody cares to try and find out.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#275004 - 02/12/09 09:02 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: usmc97]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Perhaps we will have to go on our own mountain adventure. Tell you what, we will all ride the chairlift up the mountain, and have a meeting at the top in a grove of pines at 11,000 feet, then I will ride the chairlift back down. You Outward Bound types will be welcome to either jog back to the base, or ride your mountain bikes back down. Then it is cocktails and dinner at the Double Diamond Lodge later, or wherever....

Or I will give a personalized tour of Oh MY God Road with a trip up through Russell Gulch and Nevadaville. Or maybe we will try the same thing down near Cripple Creek. I know of a private little place at the top of a 11,000 foot peak near Victor accessible by 4WD only, where we could have a mountaintop group too. Or just sit at the top and drink beer like everyone else does. So who cares what Outward Bound thinks???

Perhaps I should start a mountain touring business. Out & Back Tours???

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#275283 - 02/14/09 10:40 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: Trucker51]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Did someone say something about mountain biking down a mountain? Where? When? laugh


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#275284 - 02/14/09 10:47 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: M3]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Kevin,

I'm really sorry about this incident. I don't know the details and don't know what else to say, but you have friends here on the site and in the greater Denver area. Hang with those who accept you and don't bother with those that don't. As they say, "Being with people who understand you... priceless."



Peace and love Kevin...

Michael


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#275315 - 02/15/09 12:57 AM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: M3]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Mountain biking down a mountain is a big summer sport out here for the younger than I/physical fitness set. The ski areas run a lift or two in the summer, and some even have mountaintop barbeques. They will haul your mountain bike up to the top then let you ride downhill. Copper Mtn. has about 2300 vertical feet of high speed lift service in the summer, with food at a mid-mountain lodge and at the base. If you were to ride downhill on one of their intermediate runs like Collage or Encore you would ride about 2 & 1/2 miles dropping 2300 vertical feet to get back to the bottom of the chairlift, and then they will haul you back up, in about 15 minutes. Or you can just ride the chairlift back downhill too.

Downhill mountain biking at ski areas here has become a big business in the summer. When you come out, just let us know.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#275370 - 02/15/09 02:42 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: Trucker51]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
So when are we planning out mountain biking trip?


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#275376 - 02/15/09 03:49 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: M3]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Ski season won't be done until June, so my guess is that July or August would be best, though the most-expensive times too. You might catch a break in September pricewise. Frontier Air Lines flies non-stop from Akron/Canton or Dayton, and Southwest is cheap out of Detroit or Cleveland. As for Port Columbus, I just don't know much except that American and US Air fly there. Of course, we could just run you to the top of Loveland Pass, and you could find your way down from there. Ask Hauser about Loveland Pass. Same thing in Colorado Springs, downhill on Old Stage Road, which is a bonafide mountain narrow old stagecoach road.

We have a decent wooden roller-coaster and even an Alpine Slide here, plus our Rockies too.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#275518 - 02/16/09 02:01 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: Trucker51]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 310
Loc: Colorado
Originally Posted By: Trucker51
plus our Rockies too.


Not the baseball team!

Something actually worth seeing - like the mountains! smile

_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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#275520 - 02/16/09 02:15 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: Survivinguy]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Come-on, I used to like going to Tigers and Indians games even though they were lousy most of the time. And Coors Field is a nice ballpark in a nice part of town, unlike downtown Detroit or Cleveland.

Yes I know that the Rockies are iffy!

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#275556 - 02/16/09 07:27 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: Trucker51]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I'm losing at trying to not feel like a reject here. I'm not very accepted or understood around here by most, in this place where it seems that I am supposed to be welcomed.

This OB weekend thing last year was probably closest that I was ever accepted, respected, and cared about by a group of men. A whole year goes by before I get told that that experience wasn't real. I know I'm not normal anywhere but for them to tell me that I was too much.... THAT I WAS TOO MUCH. They take on others, there wasn't a guy there that didn't have some kind of issues. Didn't I try to contribute and help others as best I could? Don't I always?

They have trips for other disabled people, they have trips for messed up Veterans and it's me that gets told that I'm just too bad. Around here I basically get told that I make my life up. What does everybody want from me that I can control? Give me something that is under my control. It's not my fault I have so many needs and problems.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#275581 - 02/16/09 10:57 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: usmc97]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
dude,

tried to talk to you last week. you seem so hurt and i just wanted to reach out to you. Hope things are better. they will be... if... you see things from a different perspective. Getting over this is a change in the way you look at the things that have happend to you. I choose to see each kind word as something i can cling to. I choose to try to have hope that each new day brings growth and wellness for me. Think how many days have past since all the world changed for you . That at least is something... I am rooting for you. Peace...nomansanisland

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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#275967 - 02/19/09 02:22 AM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: nomansanisland]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
Since I don't just accept defeat until I'm beaten into it, this mess sparked me to say my piece to them and look for the truth behind what I've been told. I have no problem being affirmative, I get hurt enough. Here's what I sent:

I need to be told what was so wrong about me. If it was just that the facilitator felt inadequate or lost sleep because of me, or that what I go through is "triggering" it doesn't warrant how I'm being treated. I know I didn't harm anyone and I know that no one objected to my being there at the time, then for a year to pass with no communication about it all just blows my mind. I can't silence or hide all I go through like the others might have the ability to do. Tell me why I'm getting punished again for my existance by them and WINGS.

There's no conversation about what was so wrong, expectations, alternatives, or the like, it's just that I'm rejected. How? When they take on groups like you have sent in the past, I'm sure that everybody has issues of some magnitude. I could have complained about things that happened that affected me in negative ways by the presence of other individuals and I'm sure you or they wouldn't change how things are ran because of what I say. I even gave strict direction on a couple things and my request were ignored. I shouldn't be faulted for what I go through, I didn't fault others. None of my "problems" affected the other men's abilities to conquer their weekend. The fact that I contributed to the group as much as everyone else who was there seems thrown out and I'm being torched. I'm getting this feedback that I was a complete involent and nothing but a problem to be around.

It's what Outward Bound does in taking groups from so many backrounds, even groups of other disabled vets with problems similar to mine, so how could I be labeled as so much of a defect. How did I not meet their criteria? or yours? I wasn't the only one that had problems even at night but I doubt that the others are rejected and told they can't return, so why me?

How did I really hinder the vision of what Outward Bound is supposed to be? How did I hinder what each individual or even the group as a whole set out to accomplish? What did I do that made it so horrible? What about my need to be accepted as I am or to be allowed back to something that was actually good in my life? I didn't create the things that I live with now. They take a couple of good days out of my life and say that they can't handle it?... and they are just spectators. How does anybody think I feel with the years of suffering I have had to go through and all the bad days I'm left to? I'm the one that lives it.


_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

Top
#276819 - 02/23/09 09:14 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: usmc97]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
Honestly, was I that bad to deal with last year?? They were by far a couple of the easiest days and nights I've had to go through... I didn't get hurt as bad... I didn't have as much stress throughout the day... I felt probably as safe as I'm allowed to be and I just can't figure out why they are rejecting me.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

Top
#276820 - 02/23/09 09:23 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: usmc97]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Gosh Kevin,

I hate the thoughts of this but maybe your very best days are still too much for Outward Bound. I don't know. It aches me to see this one source of retreat for you taken away.

Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#277548 - 02/28/09 01:44 AM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: usmc97]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (04/18/09 12:25 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

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#277576 - 02/28/09 12:09 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: dusty42]
riveerboy Offline


Registered: 02/04/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Indiana
may trigger......




Hey Kevin. I am a thousand miles away and I feel for you. I really don't know what to say to you. I believe that miracles happen every day. Little ones we never notice.

There are altenative practices out there that may not be a cure for anything, but, they may allow for shifts of one's energies, feelings. One's very perspective of a situation. By changing a tragectory of a perspective (as if a mortar shell) by one tenth of a degree, at the mortar range, moves the mark a little bit.

If a shift is realized, then it is also a glimmer of hope. It is also an empowerment on one's healing. Something to hold onto when the shit hits again.

It hurts reading your stuff, and not being really able to help. What would hurt more, is not seeing you here. No matter what. It "IS" good to see you here.

A long time ago I considered myself a Warrior. A soldier, Army, Airborne Ranger. 1/75th at Fort Stewart, GA. I got the Tab, the Black and Gold. Ain't gotta lie. That was when they first activated it. 1973 if I still have a memory. I do, and that time was some of the best in my life. The trust of another. The love of another beyond what is family. Proud of giving everything to what had to be done. Proud to learn. Proud to grow into being a Warrior. The biggest lesson I learned there was "Situation Dictates". Given any situation, decisions must be made to obtain the military objective. Things change on the battlefield.

Then we find ourselves outside of who we were. We are, but we are not.

You are still a Warrior, your battelfield had just changed. Terribly so.

I can see a needed shift of tactics there. Becoming a warrior of the heart, instead of the old field of battle. You cannot fight the way you want to. You have everything inside of you fully trained and respected under fire.

You are still under fire. I cannot hear the rounds going by, but, I can imagine them. There is not a jacketed bullet heading towards you. Whatever is happening is no less devistating than a 7.62 round destroying muscle and bone.

I see you having to change tactics to remove the shooter from the field of battle. I don't know what else to say, other than I believe. I believe in me and I believe in you. Everyone here is in their own place. In their own journey. Their tactics work for them. If they don't, they look towards other avenues. That is why we share here. We learn from each other. We also have a collective energy that is a brotherhood, no matter what.

We all have our pain. You really have your's. I am not afraid of it, I just don't know what to say or do from a thousand miles away.

You are just as much a part of this place, to me, as are the others.

Your words and feelings are welcome.......riverkid


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#277578 - 02/28/09 12:24 PM Re: Outward Bound Colorado [Re: riveerboy]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Kevin,

Have you heard back from your letter?

M


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