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#274526 - 02/09/09 05:09 AM my sense of being wrong
1love4christ Offline


Registered: 12/18/08
Posts: 46
Loc: ca, usa
i'm a victim of sexual abuse and have noticed an overwhelming issue i wish to share with others that i believe is attacking me each day. i'm talking about the feeling of guilt or thought of doing something wrong.

as of lately, i have noticed how sensitive i am to being accused of anything, someone mad at me, and how much I feel bad because i must being doing something wrong. i can express the shame, guilt, self blame, and fear i have lived with from the trauma.

i remembered after being abused, that god allowed this to happen because he had to strike me hard so i could humble myself. ever since then, i have always been very careful yet mostly critical of everything i do. i dont exactly follow god with love but mostly fear. and i hate this because i dont want to allow my movitation for my relationship with god to be of fear. i believe its shallow and i am tired of feeling like i am always doing something wrong and how i have to be careful before something bad really happens.

i was just wondering if anyone deals with this kind of mentality and how they address it?

_________________________
nestor

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#274533 - 02/09/09 08:00 AM Re: my sense of being wrong [Re: 1love4christ]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
Nestor
You have raised a very important issue -may I call it false guilt? and may I ask is what we feel actually guilt (because one can only have guilt over what one has done) or shame - at what was done to us?

nearly ten years ago I prayed to God to show me steps of recovery. He showed me I renounce abuse which was a breach of my will and a violation of my boundaries. It has helped my recovery.

You mention the feelings of love and fear towards God.
Firstly, God loves us. I was fortunate as a child before and after csa to have several around me who loved God and I saw their love for God and God's love shining through them. My desire is to impart God's unconditional love.

Fear is complex. Love casts out fear. On the other hand
the Psalmist says "unite my heart to fear your name" I should do a word study because I think our English word fear has connotations not intended in the Biblical use of fear as in fearing God.

How can we overcome self condemnation ( renounce the negative words spoken over us by our perp) and prayerfully break it's power.

When we were abused we wee not doing something wrong.
we were victims of cunning controlling perps.

The only thing we have control over is our reaction.
Now there are times I feel God speaking to me about my wrong choices, my wrong reactions which I gladly repent of because this sets me free.

Please , fellow survivors, be assured I write out of my struggles, my prayers, out of God's insights, my tears. Resisting csa has cost me dearly but I gladly commit my life to serving God and seeing we the captives set free and our wounds healed. (Isaiah 61)

May God heal us and set us free and show us the way of recovery.

Finally, Jesus died and then He rose from the dead. My prayer is that we may rise from being survivors through His resurrection power.

Nathan


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#274559 - 02/09/09 11:15 AM Re: my sense of being wrong [Re: 1love4christ]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
God Bless you...
Christ died for you and carries your burdens. Please release yourself from thinking that you have been smitten...

You are having to carry what someone else did to you in your heart. You were the victim, you did nothing.

God allows people to act of free will ...

The abuser ruined his soul and that is his lot.Your lot was as the abused.

What will you do with it?
Will you release and forgive and find places to heal in your life?
Will you condem and continue the cycle by abusing others your own self?
Will you act out ?
Will you seek the counsel of those who have gone before you and make change in your life so you can heal?

God wants us to be proactive in our choices, he wants us to stop the cycle and reach out to others, grow, heal ...
in turn help others who are beginning to seek help...

this is my opinion, this is what has helped me...

love in Christ,
Nomasanisland

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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#274560 - 02/09/09 11:19 AM Re: my sense of being wrong [Re: nathan555]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
Nathan555

Im love the " prayerfully break its power..." Your posts have helped me. God Bless...

Nomansanisland

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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