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#274389 - 02/07/09 11:54 PM Re: CSA effects on sexual identity [Re: Sans Logos]
SIDUDE Offline


Registered: 02/05/09
Posts: 47
Loc: New York
Thanks for your kind words, I always wished I could get better. Has not happened, but maybe I have to many expectations. Saw my counslor today, did not go to well, he is hard of hearing, it presentes unique problems.


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#274397 - 02/08/09 12:59 AM Re: CSA effects on sexual identity [Re: SIDUDE]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Sisude,

I also want to welcome you to M/S.
I too have spent many years in recovery going from one group/ therapist to the next looking for the big fix. Still have not found it yet.And don't think it is out there to be found to be honest with you.
The eight months I have been here have been the best since I first got involved with AA in 1989 only better. Here I have found the place I truely fit. With people who truely understand where I come from,how and what I feel.
Finally I am home. Hope you find yours here too.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#274409 - 02/08/09 02:55 AM Re: CSA effects on sexual identity [Re: michael banks]
jggab Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 53
Loc: California
Well said Mike!

Jon


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#274411 - 02/08/09 03:04 AM Re: CSA effects on sexual identity [Re: jggab]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Well said Michael,

You surely speak for me too. You have said it better than I did.
Heal well my brothers/friends.
Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#274465 - 02/08/09 02:23 PM Re: CSA effects on sexual identity [Re: myshoeisonfire]
riveerboy Offline


Registered: 02/04/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Indiana
For me, I had a family where sex was a no-no, repressed, not to be thought of. never discussed and pretty much nonexistant till marriage. The feelings in reflection was this being a family rule, not to be questioned. This was sex in the boy-girl realm. When something had happened to me it was outside of the no-no box. There was no cross referencing of boy-girl sex and boy-boy sex. It was not off limits like with a girl. Just hide. I feel there is a strong link. I also feel that family energies can play a large role, community stuff.


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#278746 - 03/09/09 11:02 AM Re: CSA effects on sexual identity [Re: riveerboy]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
I too "had a family where sex was a no-no, repressed, not to be thought of."
after I was csa there was no one to go to - my father had taken me to the perp's house.

re the opening of this thread

my csa left a pattern of unwanted same sex attraction
put there by the abuse

but sometimes there are urges from within - either the rush after the painful overwhelming abuse I experienced
or the violated part of my sexuality manifests itself
as wanted same sex desire

after masturbation it disapates as I take control

now in ms I have three times talked it through and its power was broken

sexual orientation - hetro

struggling with csa induced sexual disorientation

gradually understanding its process and talking control

Nathan


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#280171 - 03/20/09 01:53 PM Re: CSA effects on sexual identity [Re: myshoeisonfire]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457


Quote:
im wondering if theres anyone else out there that feels their CSA may have had an impact on them having an attraction to the same sex?



good lord, yes,..it absolutely had an impact...and mine wasn't nearly as bad as some...but i also had other things going on in my childhood to...so it wasn't the only thing that made an impact....but it set up a pattern of thought and those thoughts were reinforced by other circumstances and tah dah...now I'm a sexual misfit....thanks uncle richie...ill aways love you....cough cough.

_________________________
Post Nubilia Pheobus

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#280182 - 03/20/09 03:23 PM Re: CSA effects on sexual identity [Re: brother2none]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Brother,

I wonder about this very same thing since I have been coming to M/S. I seem to be one of the few here that does not struggle with same sex attraction. I wonder what is different is my in my csa issues that spared me from having this issue.
I knew for years after my abuse at the hands of Mr Candale I had an underlining fear that being sexual abused would cause me to become homosexual. But that has left me for some years now.
Sometimes not having the same sex attraction issues makes me question if may abuse was less severe in some or if I truely belong here at M/S.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#280190 - 03/20/09 04:28 PM Re: CSA effects on sexual identity [Re: michael banks]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
Well you were molested so I would say that yeah, you belong. I think attraction to the same sex can be real, it can be something that arises out of anxiety (in my case if I get anxious and I question, I find myself looking at guys and thinking "are they attractive? Do I find them attractive"), or it can just not be a factor. Not everyone struggles with that. I know part of the reason I struggle with it is because I had what was otherwise a very good relationship with my cousin, to the point that even though I realized the CSA was something that wasn't quite right, I couldn't put a finger on it, and everything else we did together was mutually enjoyable, so that had a taint to it. I believe that set up a lot of false beliefs and patterns, as well as altered my behavior in certain situations, and when mixes with other circumstances it can create confusion.

Ken Singer also knows a lot about this stuff. The bottom line is since we all have different brains, we all process and function differently. People don't react the same to everything all the time.


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#280193 - 03/20/09 04:58 PM Re: CSA effects on sexual identity [Re: michael banks]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Oh, my friend Mr Michael Banks - you definitely belong! smile And we are all gratefull to have you and to benefit from your wisdom and your insight. You could not be the inspiration that you are to so many if you were not indeed a survivor.

I think that when it comes to same sex attraction that there are many men here who, as you Mike, don't have that particular issue to deal with, so they never bring it up. And why would they?

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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