Michael
im so glad to hear from you, and equally glad you're getting help.

Suicide is so close to many of us, it's something that's touched me deeply.
My brother attempted it a few years back, for reasons other than SA, and that shook me rigid.

But it didn't stop me frantically searching for a length of pipe to fit over my exhaust pipe a couple of years later.
The frustration of looking broke me down into a helpless wreck and I walked away.

Inbetween these times my best friend, who had also been abused at school with me hung himself, and I can hardly type this. That did break me up.
The bastards got him.
My sweet friend Micky has gone forever.

It's no answer, no matter how grim life looks - and we all have days when it looks fucking grim - we're stronger than our abusers ever were. We're worth a whole lot more, it's their consciences that should should be giving them hell - not ours.

Stick with the therapist and the doctor Michael, it's worth it - I promise you.

Dave

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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau