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#27430 - 12/23/05 06:24 AM Re: i found my little boy ,he's in the cemetary
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Yes, Shadow, you can say that. And I for one will accept it as a brother and just love you back, supporting you while you grieve.

You're a good guy, a courageous one, my friend. No idiocy in your sentiment at all.

I'm glad you're here Shadow, you bring hope to many of us. I know it doesn't seem like that is possible, but it is. You do not take up too much time on this discussion board. The reason the forum exists is to help guys like you, and me when I first came on, and Darrel, Larry, Jim, Andy, Rich, Ste, and all the rest.

We were all hurting at some point and at times we still do, sometimes really badly. That's what makes this place so great. We care enough for each other when we hurt to offer unconditonal support and love.

Hang in there with us Shadow, we'll help you through the tough times.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#27431 - 12/23/05 11:33 AM Re: i found my little boy ,he's in the cemetary
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

Of course you can say that. A genuine man is a feeling caring person who is in touch with his emotions and what they can tell him. Always feel free to say what you feel and believe.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#27432 - 12/24/05 04:14 AM Re: i found my little boy ,he's in the cemetary
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i been to the cemetary ,it's right there his grave ,the other thing my dad sent me was a picture of me and jimmy .how could i just forget him ,foget everything? something in me has snapped i can't think right .i wonder if i ever should have started this ,all i wanted was to get what happened to me out ,it was about what my cousin did to me .then ,my abuser gets out ,my gran ,dies ,my family comes back to harass me ,i pound some guy at the mall ,i find out that i had a brother who is dead ,i know i shouldn't say it but it's my fault .when is it going to stop ?

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#27433 - 12/24/05 01:15 PM Re: i found my little boy ,he's in the cemetary
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

It's quite common for survivors of a traumatic experience, especially if they are young, to cope with the catastrophe by suppressing memories of it. They can't deal with their feelings about what has happened, so they make the event "go away". This doesn't make you wierd, it just shows how deeply the loss of your brother affected you. It doesn't surprise me at all, especially since it looks to me like your father has always held you responsible. That terrible burden does not belong to you.

When we are recovering from abuse and other problems it is tempting to think that all we need to do is "figure it out", talk about it, and then we are done. But it doesn't work that way. It takes time and we have to be gentle with ourselves. We should not blame ourselves when problems that took a long time to develop can't be solved in a few days or weeks.

You have had a lot hitting you bro, that's for sure. And as I have said before, I think you are doing very well. Try to work as closely as you can with your T; that will be your main source of guidance. If you need to talk, or rage, or vent here, just go for it Adam. Let the feelings out and they will be less able to cause you harm.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#27434 - 12/24/05 05:00 PM Re: i found my little boy ,he's in the cemetary
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Adam,

Larry's pretty much said it, Bro. Be gentle on yourself. Give things time to work themselves out. You'll get there. Please don't be afraid to do the hard work necessary to take the blame off of Little Adam. Little Adam doesn't deserve it. Never did. Little Adam got all that shit dumped on him by Adults who were to selfish to put it squarely where it belong, ON THEMSELVES!

Your T is going to be a very necessary part of helping you through all this, Adam. He or she has the education necessary to spot where the problems are and help you through the rough spots.

We'll be here to help in whatever way we can. Don't hesitate to say whatever is on your mind when you come here Adam. We'll listen.

Lots of Love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#27435 - 12/25/05 03:22 AM Re: i found my little boy ,he's in the cemetary
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
john ,i know if you told your brother i'm sorry then you could just be brothers again ,i don't think you have to say it everyday ,brothers are like that ,if i could bring jimmy back i could say i'm sorry and that would be that ,just brothers again ,but i can't, your brother is still here so he knows your sorry ,and i don't think he wants you to blame yourself . my brother paid the ultimate price for my stupidness.that pig hurt you both ,help each other heal.adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#27436 - 12/25/05 03:23 AM Re: i found my little boy ,he's in the cemetary
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
john ,i know if you told your brother i'm sorry then you could just be brothers again ,i don't think you have to say it everyday ,brothers are like that ,if i could bring jimmy back i could say i'm sorry and that would be that ,just brothers again ,but i can't, your brother is still here so he knows your sorry ,and i don't think he wants you to blame yourself . my brother paid the ultimate price for my stupidness.that pig hurt you both ,help each other heal.adam

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#27437 - 12/25/05 03:25 AM Re: i found my little boy ,he's in the cemetary
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Thank-you Adam.

(((((((Adam)))))))

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#27438 - 12/26/05 06:02 AM Re: i found my little boy ,he's in the cemetary
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Adam,

You are right, John and I still have each other and we can help each other heal. You know what else Adam, we want to help you heal too. Read Johns sig line. I know that he means that with all his heart. Read mine, sometimes you cry sometimes not. I'll hug and support you either way. You are very important to me as well as my brother and others here on the board. I also know that none of this brings Jimmy back and none of us can replace your loss. However, we can still be here for you and support you in any and every way we can.

Hang in there my friend and remember that you are loved

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#27439 - 12/26/05 10:02 AM Re: i found my little boy ,he's in the cemetary
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

Jimmy would not want you to take the blame for what happened. In another post you wish him a Merry Christmas, and I think that's so cool. I am sure he wishes you happiness as well and does not blame you.

I hope his Christmas wish for you would also be for you to look and see how many other brothers you have here, guys who can and do care about you even though they have never met or even seen you and probably never will. I think Jimmy would want you to feel how special this is bro.

You aren't alone.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
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