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#273666 - 02/02/09 09:37 AM Boy, 14, admits sex abuse on boys
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#273754 - 02/02/09 09:45 PM Re: Boy, 14, admits sex abuse on boys [Re: duncanUK]
king tut Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
I know the offending kid was 13 at the time, but it is the same damage to the boys, his young age is no excuse for his actions.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#273760 - 02/02/09 10:42 PM Re: Boy, 14, admits sex abuse on boys [Re: king tut]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
I agree Lewis that the damage to the boys abused by teens is just as bad. I haven't read the article yet, and wanted to respond before I did. What I wanted to say is that I think about the motivation of young abusers a lot, vs that of adults. Teen abusers are less developed mentally and emotionally, and more prone to bad judgements. They are still developing boundaries, and trying to figure out their sexuallity themselves. I think considering cirmcumstances of abuse and the age of the abusers are at least something to consider. My abuser was a young teen. His abuser was a full grown adult, who always had a creep factor for me, and who I would have been terrified of in an abuse situation.

I totally understand that what happened to me was NOT ok regardless of the age of the abuser, but what I did find out much later in my life, long after the abuse ended is that the adult that my abuser grew into could not have been more remorseful about what happened. That does mean something. At least it did for me.

So, now I will read the link. Maybe I will have more to say afterward.

Richard


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#273762 - 02/02/09 10:49 PM Re: Boy, 14, admits sex abuse on boys [Re: KeithR]
onlyakid Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Yes I think remorse shown by abusers is a good thing and helpful as it helps the survivor know deep down that he did nothing wrong.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#274041 - 02/05/09 08:46 AM Re: Boy, 14, admits sex abuse on boys [Re: KeithR]
LandOfShadow Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Originally Posted By: KeithR
... I think about the motivation of young abusers a lot...


Richard,

I do to. I think "traumatic re-enactment" is real, and wonder if the investigations of these crimes do involve trying to find out if the teen abuser was himself abused.

A couple questions I have (which perhaps have no scientific answer) but Isn't it usually the case that a teen abuser was abused themselves? and Do prosecutions and investigations of these teen abusers take full account of the effects of the prior abuse on a teen with respect to their abusive behavior?

I don't excuse their abuse, I just see a larger picture of a cycle of abuse and still developing children.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#274062 - 02/05/09 12:06 PM Re: Boy, 14, admits sex abuse on boys [Re: LandOfShadow]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
got to admit - I've oftentimes wondered about my uncles childhood... - he was only about 12 himself when he started doing stuff to me - I can't imagine what made him feel that it was ok to do the things he did to a boy barely 4 years old - and I doubt he'll ever tell me - just leaves me to wonder...

does'nt excuse what he did in any way - just might help me to understand the "why" of it though...

I think all of us fight for the "why" of understanding it... - we want it to "make sense" as to "why" they did it - sadly. it rarely ever makes sense... - it's just plain "abuse"... - it just plain hurts...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#274072 - 02/05/09 02:05 PM Blank [Re: TJ jeff]
steveb121 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/02/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Swindon, UK

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#274611 - 02/09/09 05:50 PM Re: Boy, 14, admits sex abuse on boys [Re: steveb121]
ComicBookGuy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 443
Loc: London, England
I was nine, my abuser 11.

I had no anger toward my abuser, until 18 months into the healing process, then I reported him to the police - I'm certainly one of his very first victims if he did go on to offend, something I'll never know as I never saw him again. No way would he know what to do what he did nor hide out in one of the more secluded areas of school waiting to entrap younger kids, not without an adult abusing him.

Since back in those days multiple grades of pupils were taught together part of my nightmare is wondering if I was a random or if I was specifically targeted - much less than "why me" or "why did he do it", he was always going to abuse someone and to this day I wonder about three other kids and whether it happened to them, given how they were for the next two years and in the next school we all went to.

The elder brother didn't abuse anyone else that we know of, this kid had the choice to find help (of which there is plenty compared to historic victims and survivors) and instead chose to pass it on. So I'm not bothered about understanding this teen now he's crossed the line, he can just go to prison and then on the register.



Edited by ComicBookGuy (02/09/09 05:51 PM)
Edit Reason: spacing paragraphs
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#274615 - 02/09/09 06:19 PM Re: Boy, 14, admits sex abuse on boys [Re: ComicBookGuy]
ComicBookGuy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 443
Loc: London, England
Originally Posted By: LandOfShadow
A couple questions I have (which perhaps have no scientific answer) but Isn't it usually the case that a teen abuser was abused themselves?


Christiane Sanderson's The Seduction of Children is a five year old book repeating the details of the last major study - even though it was a sample, they used lie detectors to weed out the bogus responses - since the percentage came out to something stupid like [Three] out of every ten abusers having been victims in childhood if the truth-telling abusers totalled 30%.

Despite correcting that stat since looking at the book again in the library yesterday (end March 09) I translate that as two of out every ten will offend and the third of the ten victims, will be tempted to abuse - 50/50 whether it happens or not. As far as I'm concerned only this one victim in ten will be the one that gets the boundaries wrong and doesn't specifically go out to target children in turn like my abuser did. That's as much understanding as I'm prepared to give.

Until a newer and bigger study's performed than the one 5/6 years ago, that's the corrected stat. For adolescents it was 1 in 8 or 12-13% of abused kids, offending when teenagers.



Edited by ComicBookGuy (04/01/09 07:37 AM)
Edit Reason: corrected stat
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#274696 - 02/10/09 09:42 AM Re: Boy, 14, admits sex abuse on boys [Re: ComicBookGuy]
Donk Offline


Registered: 02/05/09
Posts: 9
What an interesting article, and what a myriad of considerations if one was involved in this case.

The fourteen year old learned to rape from where? Has he been abused? Did the police try to make enquiries about this? If a fourteen year old was abused by an adult it would be defined as CSA. But here we have a fourteen year old as the perpetrator and suddenly he "knows" what he is doing, or so the article seems infer.

I assume nothing and accuse no one. I am just asking questions out loud.

As we all know, we might have a mentally childish fourteen year old or a very mature fourteen year old.

The most disturbuing fact is that a fourteen year old is an apparent perpetrator of abuse on someone younger than him. Is any explanation to be offered for this having happened?

We await the next bulletin with interest and concern.







Edited by Donk (02/10/09 09:44 AM)

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