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#273669 - 02/02/09 10:05 AM This is really beginning to irritate me
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Hey Guys ans Gals

I'm sure that this has come up before, but well here it is again........

I want to know why it is that when registering at MS, people are not required to fill out the profile questions before being accepted.
How is it that anyone can just sign up indiscriminately?
Geez, the newer members are not even laying claim to being former CSA victims!!!

Being able to view a person's profile gives me some indication of who it is I'm dealing with and how to interact with said person.
Yes, I KNOW PEOPLE CAN LIE, and I'm not suggesting that people give a breif autobio of themselves, but some general info could be very helpfull as well as reasuring.

OCCUPATION - Optional
HOBBIES - Mandatory
LOCATION - Mandatory by country
GENDER - Mandatory
AGE - Mandatory
SURVIVOR, Yes/No - Mandatory
PARTNER OF SURVIVOR - Mandatory

If you don't fill out all the fields, you don't get on!!!

Thanks for considering this..................

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top
#273670 - 02/02/09 10:17 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: joelRT]
lars3229 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 800
Loc: Iowa
OK, I'll be first Joel. smile
I updated my profile with my location and my birthday. smile can't find anything to change gender, but I'm a man, and I am a survivor. smile
But I didn't add any hobbies cause right now about the only thing I do is work.

Thanks for the idea. smile

Peace,

lars

_________________________
You may trod me
in the very dirt
But still,
like dust,
I'll rise.

-Maya Angelou

"I quite often remember to forget these sorts of things."
-Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie

Top
#273673 - 02/02/09 10:56 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: joelRT]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
is this going to become the perennial topic? i brought up this very thing last november in the wake of the tobyreal fiasco.

i thought garnering a bit more info would contribute to reducing the level of deceit.

didn't hear anything back about it, BUT, in light of the fact that the web software has been recently updated, i doubt that there will be any switching to a different kind of software, something more updated.

does this web even require responding to a confirmation email before access is granted? i don't remember.

the troubling thing is that people post messages, even when they seem like authentic people, but they have not even exercised the courtesy of filing out the meager profile questions. i too think that at least a profile should be filled out before someone would be allowed to post, but this software is not set up to with that level of insurance. and i don't think the organization is ready to go back to the drawing board. the chat room is another issue that i don't believe people should be allowed access to without having fulfilled certain requirements [there again, filing out a profile completely, or having posted a survivor story etc.]
one thing to remember, this web community is pretty much a pioneer for these types of forums, going all that way back to 2000. how many of these types of forums existed back then. yea the software is old.

also, with both trish and larry not around as much the safety issue seems more urgent.

but it is what it is, in the mean time ....... onward we press

i don't think this concern is going to go away none too soon, and i am sure that those who are moderating are feeling the same stresses we all feel about it, but what to do, what to do?

respectfully,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#273675 - 02/02/09 11:14 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: Sans Logos]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Quote:
does this web even require responding to a confirmation email before access is granted? i don't remember.


Nope, I just signed up and was on the board. I even had two accounts here for awhile. I tried to get the first one canceled, but it never happened.

So come one and all, most of you being of the utmost sincerity to be sure, and welcome to all the thrill seekers, pervs and whatever have you, as well....................

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top
#273676 - 02/02/09 11:57 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: joelRT]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
i admit i know nothing about the ins and outs of these things, but i'm pretty certain they do have a way of tracking ip addresses. maybe that is why there does not seem to be a real sense of urgency for mandatory profiling [or, once again, it could be the limitations of the current software]. at any rate, it would seem to make more sense to have a preventative measure in place, rather than waiting until there is a breach and then trying to fix the damage. maybe nathan cold weigh in with his knowledge and expertise; all my comments here are pure conjecture and guess work.

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#273677 - 02/02/09 12:02 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: lars3229]
fromtoday Offline


Registered: 10/04/08
Posts: 74
Loc: UK
Hi Joel,

I'm guilty of not having much of a profile, I suppose I get a bit jittery/paranoid about giving too much information, but I get your point.

I hadn't thought much about my profile since I joined so I've just checked, I'm a wife of a survivor but there's not actually anywhere you can put that, unless somebody knows better, ive just added a bit to the no.

I'd be happy to put my age and gender ( 33 & Female) but there's nowhere to put that, I don't want to put my birthdate.

I don't want to put my occupation, and I'm not sure about hobbies, if I put reading do you think I will get recognised - lol - just kidding.

Maybe it would be good if there was a statement, one that is just on your profile and doesn't go onto the signatures in posts.

I have been visiting the site for about 2 years, although I read more than post, I originally registered in a different name but got scared off by some posters at the time, I then reregistered about 12 months later under this name.

It does make me feel better when I read a full profile, maybe I should eat a bit of my own cake....

_________________________
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see.....
_________________________________________________
Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody

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#273679 - 02/02/09 12:42 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: Sans Logos]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Filling out a profile does in no way compromise anyone's anonimity - you can't be traced by anyone because your hobby is gardening or bird-watching or whatever.......

It just simply is helpfull to know if someone is indeed a survivor, spouse or just curious.

To me age is important as well - I don't do teens and I tend to stay away from women, for the simple reason that I have learned from experience and at other's expense that I tend to be a little too direct in my responses, lack diplomacy, etc. and that has been off putting to some. Not a good thing when you consider that this a support site.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top
#273694 - 02/02/09 03:46 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: joelRT]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Ron,

I agree that people should be required to provide some info like whay country you are from. sex. age and if you are a survivor.
But more than that is really nobodies business unless I want to share it with them. This is from a guy who posts under his real name.

Michael Banks

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#273734 - 02/02/09 08:04 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: michael banks]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 310
Loc: Colorado
Hey a question I think I'm qualified to answer!

I'm the newest member yet to reply to this question.

It wasn't a small thing for me to choose to register as a member. It's another brave and difficult step on the healing path and while there's some assurance to anonymity, I was still giving the site my personal email address, some personal information and, of course, my ip address (everything on the internet leaves a trail).

But I agree with the original poster of this thread. There should be some minimal mandatory questions like gender, general age (it could be age ranges instead of a birthday, ie: under 18, 18-25, 26-35, etc), country and whether you are a survivor.

I considered it a commitment of myself to the fellow members to at least say something about myself, an offering for their trust that I would make at least that much of an effort, offer that much to start a healing relationship.

I haven't the first clue about maintaining websites or what program or code is required for that registration process but I would hope that if it couldn't be made mandatory, then perhaps additional language could be added to that page that many members regard answering the age/gender/survivor questions as a minimum to show your commitment to fellow healers.

My two cents

_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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#273778 - 02/03/09 01:34 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: Survivinguy]
pemac01 Offline


Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 25
Loc: Texas
I agree there should be some mandatory information given, but being in Law Enforcement, I balk a little at putting to much out there. The stuff I share here I would rather not share with my co-workers, And some of the more undesireable folks either. It's very scary how easy it is to get hold of people's personal information. I see it almost every day.
Despite this, I think Joel is right, and some of the fields should be flagged as mandatory.


Top
#273782 - 02/03/09 03:49 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: pemac01]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi everyone,
I'll have to agree with Joel on this too.

But like a very few of us i use my real name. I have filled out my profile as is currently set up.

I'm not ashamed about what i post, it's from the very depths of my soul. If someone out there gets his/her kicks about reading what we post on the public pages they are worse off than we are. My 2 euro cents worth.

Heal well my brothers/friends.
Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#273805 - 02/03/09 10:50 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: petercorbett]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11140
Loc: Denver, CO
Joel,

Let's assume the questions are a requirement for sign-on. I like seeing answers in the profile that I can relate to. If someone knows sigh language and posts that, I can say 'hey, we have something in common' and would like to get to know them better.

I see your points, but let me play Devil's advocate for just a moment:


OCCUPATION - Bank Teller
HOBBIES - Jogging
LOCATION - USA
GENDER - Male
AGE - 21
SURVIVOR - Yes
PARTNER OF SURVIVOR - Yes


Now, anyone that knows me knows these would not be my answers. I pretended for a moment to be a scammer in filling out the questions (a la Toby). The answers are actually a composite of a couple of past scammers from the site, both who were women.

My point is that having the profile questions answered does not mean we are going to get acquainted with the real user behind the profile. Recent past experience shows how well that goes over.

All things considered, I would like to see more profiles filled out.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#273807 - 02/03/09 11:07 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: joelRT]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: joelRT
Filling out a profile does in no way compromise anyone's anonimity - you can't be traced by anyone because your hobby is gardening or bird-watching or whatever.......

It just simply is helpfull to know if someone is indeed a survivor, spouse or just curious.

To me age is important as well - I don't do teens and I tend to stay away from women, for the simple reason that I have learned from experience and at other's expense that I tend to be a little too direct in my responses, lack diplomacy, etc. and that has been off putting to some. Not a good thing when you consider that this a support site.


I agree it is nice to see profiles filled out. I haven't filled out the hobby section though, if that was made mandatory i think i would be a little stuck, i'm not sure i have any real hobbies, maybe i will think of something to add.

Age and gender could be good fields to show i think. It may help users to interact better. I am not sure if everybody would be comfortable with doing that, so maybe making it mandatory would not be such a good idea, but having the option there to put it down would be good.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


Top
#273808 - 02/03/09 11:09 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: FormerTexan]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Andy,

I take your point about the fraudsters and I'm certain (in fact, I know) that the MOD team has means for dealing with those people and eliminating them from the site.

I've cut & pasted below a copy of two PMs yesterday to the same friend.

PM 1Truth be told, filling out a profile does in no way compromise anyone's anonimity, but it does give the rest of us an idea of who we are talking to at first, when a new person shows up.

EX: I don't do teens. I don't have the tact and diplomacy required to help make them feel safe here. I also try very hard to stay away from curious women and what I often consider their insipid questions, and I do so for the same reasons as stated above.

For as direct as I am with you is how I approach everyone. I have had some unfortunate experiences where I have greatly offended some people simply because I assumed that I was dealing with a male adult survivor. Sometimes you can't tell by the post. (or by the handle)

PM 2
Knowing about a guy's interests/hobbies can be one more way to help make a connection with a like minded survivor - I think that in some cases it could help make on-site friendships a little easier.

Ron is a great guy to be sure, but I like him just a little wee bit better than some because he too is a bird man, 'get it'?

What kind of music is a guy into? Is he an avid outdoorsman? (M3 is) Is he a Gym Queen, landscaper hobbyist, does he do volunteer work??? All these things can help make a person feel that he fits in all the more because there are guys here just like him......Anyhoooo, that's my take.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top
#273810 - 02/03/09 11:13 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: king tut]
mike5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 170
Loc: Cleveland, OH
I removed most of my profile information a while back after someone started messaging my about where I live and generally giving me the impression they were trying to track me down.

In the spirit of this thread through, I've added most back, except for the location.

Mike


Top
#273811 - 02/03/09 11:20 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: joelRT]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: joelRT
Is he an avid outdoorsman? (M3 is)

Me too!, i will add that as one

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


Top
#273812 - 02/03/09 11:23 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: king tut]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Lewis,

Here's a hobby - you draw, wonderfully I might add!!!

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top
#273814 - 02/03/09 11:25 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: joelRT]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
ok, here are the ones i just put up:

Outdoors, Science, Nature, Dinosaurs, Archaeology, Egyptology, Drawing

thanks Joel, it was a good idea for you to point this out

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


Top
#273815 - 02/03/09 11:30 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: king tut]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Lewis ! we not only share the same Queen (how is old Betty, anyway?), but also common interest - archaeology and Egyptology.

I always knew that you are an awesome dude, but now you're even awesomer laugh

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top
#273816 - 02/03/09 11:31 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: king tut]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...

Originally Posted By: joelRT
Here's a hobby - you draw, wonderfully I might add!!!

hey lewis, cross your eyes and look down....there's your NOSE!

LOL. sometimes the obvious eludes the subject.





Edited by Sans Logos (02/03/09 12:24 PM)
Edit Reason: to add the quote....it made better sense...to whom? no one
_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#273821 - 02/03/09 12:07 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: Sans Logos]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
OCCUPATION - Truck Driver/Semi (semi-retired)
HOBBIES - Snow Skiing, Golf, Casinos, Travel, Cruises.
LOCATION - Denver, CO
GENDER - Male
AGE - 51 (08/12/57)
SURVIVOR - Yes
PARTNER OF SURVIVOR - Married
MEDICAL ISSUES - Hepatitis-C positive.
POINT IN RECOVERY - Advanced
MAJOR THERAPIST - Mic Hunter
DRUG TREATMENT - Hazelden, MN/Prescott House, AZ
EDUCATION - Some college, Major: Urban Planning/Economics
MUSICAL TASTES: Electric Blues, Rock, Modern Rock

Lewis: My one brother-in-law is a Professor of Archeology too.

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#273865 - 02/03/09 04:52 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: Trucker51]
lars3229 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 800
Loc: Iowa
OCCUPATION -
HOBBIES -
LOCATION -
GENDER -
AGE -
SURVIVOR -
PARTNER -
MEDICAL ISSUES -
POINT IN RECOVERY -
MAJOR THERAPIST -
DRUG TREATMENT -
EDUCATION -
MUSICAL TASTES -



Edited by lars3229 (02/18/09 10:51 AM)
Edit Reason: nevermind
_________________________
You may trod me
in the very dirt
But still,
like dust,
I'll rise.

-Maya Angelou

"I quite often remember to forget these sorts of things."
-Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie

Top
#273891 - 02/03/09 08:19 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: Sans Logos]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Originally Posted By: Sans Logos
does this web even require responding to a confirmation email before access is granted? i don't remember.


As I understand it, yes it does. If someone registers then the site sends them a confirmation e-mail that they have to acknowledge for the account to remain in the system. If they don't confirm the account within 24 hours, then it falls off the system.


As to filling in the profile, my feeling is that when a lot of guys first land here they are terrified because they are just beginning to confront this thing called recovery. Trying to maintain a level of anonymity is very important because they certainly don't want anyone to know about "it". Feeling like someone could be here that they know and figure out who they are in their small town can be very frightening. It's a reason my own profile is not filled out, but I waffle back and forth on it. I still, after 4+ years of doing this, fear that it will someday be plastered across the front page of my small town paper "_______ ________ WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AS A CHILD, read the story below".

_________________________
Eddie

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#273894 - 02/03/09 09:13 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: EGL]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Originally Posted By: EGL
As to filling in the profile, my feeling is that when a lot of guys first land here they are terrified because they are just beginning to confront this thing called recovery. Trying to maintain a level of anonymity is very important because they certainly don't want anyone to know about "it". Feeling like someone could be here that they know and figure out who they are in their small town can be very frightening.

And I fully appreciate that. I 'get it'.

Just making contact with other survivors, and thereby outing oneself as one, for the first time is enough to make someone go screaming up a mountain side at full speed all while ripping their hair out- anything to get away from the truth of it.

However, the profile is not about a person's intimate details, but rather it is a general, and certainly vague, idea about what, not who, a person is.

Personnaly, I first check the profile of every new contact I make. Not because I'm curious about the nitty gritty of someone's life but more in the hopes of finding something in that profile that can help me better acknowledge that person and make my welcome of them more meaningfull. And only that, so as to help a guy feel that he's, finally, found a home for himself here at MS.

Read my Profile and then I dare anyone to find and name me.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top
#273928 - 02/04/09 02:31 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: joelRT]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I'll admit that would be kind of a bad thing depending on where you are at and how secure you are with your recovery. It might be a good thing someday too. Imagine that level of freedom??? Remember Eddie the Eagle? He got on worldwide TV and even now he is still a folk hero.

I think that age/birthdate might be a requirement which might make it easier for us to decide how to respond to guys that we are unfamiliar with. So too should the Survivor yes or no question. Some of the other stuff could be voluntary though type of work and other interests would give guys something to talk about, along with geographical location.

I'm pretty secure and happy to take the fight to the streets if it will help save somebody else from suffering through what I had to.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#273939 - 02/04/09 08:45 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: Trucker51]
pemac01 Offline


Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 25
Loc: Texas
Throw my hat in the fill in the blanks too - lol

OCCUPATION - Police Officer
HOBBIES - Hunting, Fishing, Camping, Hiking, Backpacking, Working Out, World of Warcraft
LOCATION - North Texas
GENDER - Male
AGE - 45
SURVIVOR - Yes
PARTNER OF SURVIVOR - Married
MEDICAL ISSUES - None
POINT IN RECOVERY - Beginning Baby Steps
MAJOR THERAPIST - Family Therapist now, looking for personal
DRUG TREATMENT - N/A
EDUCATION - Some college, 14 Years Military (Proud Marine)
MUSICAL TASTES: Country, Rock, Modern Rock, Metal, & Southern Rock


Top
#273942 - 02/04/09 10:00 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: pemac01]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
.Ok me too. I'll jump on the bandwagon.

OCCUPATION, Retired Air Force, Retired Air Force NAF worker. Retired Army & Air Force Exchange Service.

HOBBIES, Watching my 2 grandkids grow up.

LOCATION, TEXAS.

GENDER, Male.

AGE, 70.

SURVIVOR, Yes.

PARTNER, Seperated.

MEDICAL ISSUES, Glaucoma, Hearing loss, Arthritis.

POINT IN RECOVERY, 15 months. Found the lost boy, at a WoR in Georgia.May '09.

MAJOR THERAPIST, had a CSA T. only. Now a VA appointed T.

DRUG TREATMENT, ALCOHOL ABUSE, 32 YRS sober.

EDUCATION, Air Force GED High school '58. School of hard knocks 69 Yrs.

MUSICAL TASTES, Irish Tenors music, C&W, Golden Oldies, Andy Williams, Perry Como, Henry Mancini, etc. Military music.

That's me folks, just a plain old (Irishmoose)

Heal well, my brothers/friends.
Pete (Irishmoose)











Edited by petercorbett (01/01/10 02:59 PM)
Edit Reason: update
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


Top
#273955 - 02/04/09 11:35 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: petercorbett]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Loc: USA OCCUPATION: retired (or re-tread or rewired perhaps)

HOBBIES: Watching 4 grandkids grow up. Music performance, music listening, reading, photography. The only photography contest I have entered I won "best of show". I watch about 5 movies per week. I have a little dog. On TV I watch mostly news and documentaries. As a kid you would have thought my hobby was being abused.

Here is a link to one of the world's best horn players:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52Q0FVB8q3E

LOCATION: censored

GENDER: Male.

AGE: 70 soon (13 March).
(exactly the same age as Petercorbett same birthday)
I felt like 12 years old for many years.

SURVIVOR: Yes. Below are links to my survivor stories:
Part 1:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...2889#Post212889

Part 2:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...4009#Post214009

Part 3:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...6048#Post216048

Part 4:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8205#Post218205

Part 5:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...9028#Post219028

EMDR

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...6150#Post256150

PARTNER: Deceased female (wonderful woman).

MEDICAL ISSUES: sugar sensitivity, allergy to pork (I should have been Jewish).

POINT IN RECOVERY: After much, much therapy, I am on my 6th T (not golf), I am finally really feeling better day to day. Guys it is possible. At this point I am working on socialization issues. I still have very low self esteem. I have had PTSD, depression, dissociative disorder, depersonalization disorder, and some there isn't a name for yet.

MAJOR THERAPIST: My T works for a church counseling center and gives me a break on fees (otherwise I would have come to own their premises LOL). He is compassionate and a survivor.

DRUG OF CHOICE: food.

EDUCATION: Degrees from Colorado and Georgia universities. I studied French horn with the local professional for 6 years. I attended the Barry Tuckwell Institute and Kendall Betts Horn Camp.

MUSICAL TASTES: I have been hooked on classical music since I was a boy. My favorites are Mozart and Mahler. I adore Bach. I play the french horn (I am a professional wannabe). I play horn every day. The link above is Mahler's 5th Symphony. I also love movie sound track music. A lot of it features the horn. I believe that listening to classical music has had a healing influence on my life



Here is a link to Star Wars and other soundtrack with much horn playing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sE_vbrj0MqU


OTHER: I believe in God (the God of Abraham, Isaac and Moses). I read ancient Hebrew and Greek literature daily (English translations of Genesis through Revelation).

Allen

pufferfish whistle






Edited by pufferfish (02/25/09 12:41 PM)

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#273979 - 02/04/09 04:41 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: pufferfish]
behindthewall Offline


Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 126
Loc: US
OCCUPATION - Student and part time jobs
HOBBIES - Anything outside, music
LOCATION - U.S.
GENDER - Male
AGE - 19
SURVIVOR - Yes
MEDICAL ISSUES - Nothing official
POINT IN RECOVERY - Not sure if I am recovering yet, just starting I guess
MAJOR THERAPIST - None
DRUG TREATMENT - Never been in treatment but it probably wouldn't hurt
EDUCATION - currently enrolled
MUSICAL TASTES: Metal (Korn,Slipknot,DamagePlan etc)


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#274008 - 02/04/09 10:52 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: behindthewall]
SuperTramp7981 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Massachusetts
Sure I'll play


OCCUPATION - student
HOBBIES - video games, books, history, soccer, rugby, hockey, music, reality, progressiveism
LOCATION - Massachusetts
GENDER - Male
AGE - 20
SURVIVOR - Yes
MEDICAL ISSUES - I'm sure there is a few
POINT IN RECOVERY - started a while ago,not really any further
MAJOR THERAPIST - none
DRUGS OF CHOICE- Irish Whiskey, Vodka, herb, chinese food
EDUCATION - In college, history major
MUSICAL TASTES: Everything except Metal, and obnoxious flag draped country. (Seriously, I listen to rock, grunge, folk music, african music, reggae, latin music, rap, pop..so much)

_________________________
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfil de book.

Chat Name-Lparsons

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#274032 - 02/05/09 07:25 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: SuperTramp7981]
mapleleafsn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/08
Posts: 131
Loc: Eastern Canada
I'll bite

LOCATION - St John's NL, Canada

OCCUPATION - Food Services, Chef by trade, enjoy baking cookies best
HOBBIES - snooker, hockey, woodworking, Just started piano lessons
GENDER - Male
AGE - 46 Sept 19/62
SURVIVOR - Yes
PARTNER OF SURVIVOR - Married
MEDICAL ISSUES - depression, on welbutrin
POINT IN RECOVERY - Early for CSA, Advanced for AA
MAJOR THERAPIST - Gary Parsons
DRUG TREATMENT - Miracle Valley, BC
EDUCATION - Trade College and University for social service worker
MUSICAL TASTES: I enjoy all types of music especially if it is live

Community: My wife and I do a lot of community work with reintegration of exoffenders. Started a branch of Partners in Hope here in NL. Set up a transition house for guys comming out of the corrections.



Edited by mapleleafsn (02/05/09 07:26 AM)
Edit Reason: typo
_________________________
When the pain of remaining the same finally outweighs the pain of change---things will begin.... life is meant to be enjoyed not endured.

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#274052 - 02/05/09 10:42 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: mapleleafsn]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
The guys of MS are the awesomest guys that I have ever had occasion to get to know!!! smile

Truly, you all contribute, each your own way, in restoring my faith in MAN-kind. Thanks so muh.

I initially threw out a comment here in the hopes of illiciting a positive & forward moving response from admin crazy and instead I have been given to see, through each of you, how blessed I am to be a part of this community. Man, do I ever need to be here...........

I won't comment personally to each of you, but rather in closing I'd just like to say this - my respect & my admiration for each of you has grown tremendously.

P.S.
Mapleleafsn, I'll put my peanut butter crunch chocolat chip cookies up against yours any day! grin
The transition house thingy? been there, done that (one full year). Being there turned out to be one of the most important stepping stones on my recovery journey. When I was finally released from there, I was still far too self-absorbed to thank the facillitators for their investment in me. Today, and in the name of every guy searching for the formulae of "how do I manage to find the way to fit in?" I thank you for the amazing work you do.


_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#274114 - 02/05/09 09:41 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: SuperTramp7981]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Michael Banks


Occupation: Trucker Driver
Hobbies:?
Location: Mojave Desert, Ca.
Gender: Male
Martial Status: Married
Children:7-Ages 30,25,22,6,5,4,2
Survivor: Yes
Point in Recovery: CSA-thriving AA- 20 years
Medical Issues: wife! lol
Therapist: None at this time.
Drug treatment: Kaiser Chemical Dependency Program & AA
Education: Some college. USMC-4yrs
Musical Taste: Hard Rock- AC/DC,G&R,Old Van Halen,Aerosmith Etc

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#274377 - 02/07/09 09:13 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: michael banks]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 310
Loc: Colorado
One more step right?

Occupation: Legal - that's the best I can do at this point, sorry.
Hobbies: Online Video Game(WoW), Texas Hold'em, reading, listening to all music, travel, loving my wife, raising our two adopted children, public speaking (yes I really enjoy it).
Location: USA
Marital Status: Married for ten years
Children: 2 Ages: 2 and 5
Survivor: Yes
Point in Recovery: half way? 8 years of therapy, almost 2 years of group therapy, nearly 2 year break from all therapy and now back in therapy with my original T.
Medical issues: not much - glasses after a detached retina; anxiety
Therapist: Yes a great one.
Addiction Tx: None. Never liked drugs even over the counter, very conscious of drinking habits - nothing consistent, never to inebriation.
Education: BA, JD
Music: Everything but acid rock. Acoustic, Classical, Country, Christian, Classic Rock, Rock, Metal (yes I think Slipknot is music), Jazz, Rap, Pop, Techno and always willing to try a new style or band.





Edited by Survivinguy (02/08/09 09:21 PM)
Edit Reason: forgot anxiety lol
_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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#274379 - 02/07/09 09:25 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: Survivinguy]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
I'll throw out here even though my Profile is filled in:

AGE: 29
GENDER: Male
OCCUPATION: Disabled submariner
HOBBIES: none really
LOCATION: Maryland, USA
MARITAL STATUS: TBD
CHILDREN: none
SURVIVOR: Yes
POINT IN RECOVERY: Early for Military Sexual Trauma
MEDICAL ISSUES: Got 'em
THERAPIST: VA issued frown
EDUCATION: USN 4 years, some college, wish for my JD
MUSIC: Country, '70s & '80s Rock

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#275143 - 02/13/09 07:23 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: pemac01]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
While we can make them mandatory, it's not going to stop people from lying about them.


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#275335 - 02/15/09 09:51 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: Roofus]
ComicBookGuy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 443
Loc: London, England
Well I've actually filled the profile in better and refined the location, simply because London now has nearly 10 million people in it, so am not worried about people knowing that level of geography, they'd have get on a plane and come here to find me first...the email address I registered with, I use for nothing but survivor issues.

I stopped putting my real DOB on forums etc since Facebook got big, it didn't take a genius to see the ID theft potential that posed, but I'm pretty sure I said I was in my mid-30s in one of my earliest posts.

Point in Recovery? Is this a field that only comes up when you join as a member? For me that's 2 years in. All the rest is profiled.

[EDIT]What the hell...

AGE: Mid 30s
GENDER: Male
OCCUPATION: Joined a temp agency-last job, cellphone customer service
HOBBIES: Books, Music, Videogames
LOCATION: <--- London, England
MARITAL STATUS: Single
CHILDREN: none
SURVIVOR: Yes
POINT IN RECOVERY: 2 and a half years
MEDICAL ISSUES: None
THERAPIST: Yes
EDUCATION: College, all computer tech stuff self-taught
MUSIC: Classical/film soundtracks, Dance, Rock



Edited by ComicBookGuy (02/15/09 10:04 AM)
Edit Reason: joining in with the fun!
_________________________
- CBG

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#275337 - 02/15/09 10:13 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: ComicBookGuy]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
The e-mail address you registered with here at MS is only accessible by admin.

No member can obtain the personal info you signed up with.

That was not the idea behind filling out a profile for the benefit of those here on DB.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#275446 - 02/15/09 11:57 PM . [Re: joelRT]
GoFigure12 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/22/06
Posts: 72
Loc: USA
.


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#275687 - 02/17/09 04:39 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: GoFigure12]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Go,

To me recovery is all about learning to be open and honest in all things that I do. Not just here on M/S. I do not care to carry any secrets both from myself and others. My abuse issues gained their strenght over me in the corners of secrecies and darkness.
If we don't bring our abuse out into the open how can you ever hope to overcome it. Or to help those whom are still lost out there in their abuse.
I choose to share all of me warts and all for all to see.

DO YOU SEE? I DARE TO BE ME.

As the old saying goes I am only as sick as my secrets.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#275724 - 02/17/09 10:15 PM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: GoFigure12]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Originally Posted By: GoFigure12
The way I see it, the wide range of personalities & needs & expectations & fears of newcomers on this site requires us all to be tolerant and flexible in what we demand of our new members and guests... There's plenty of time to get to know them once they've made it through their initial crisis phase.


Well said, Friend.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#275763 - 02/18/09 04:52 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: michael banks]
pemac01 Offline


Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 25
Loc: Texas
Well put. I'm very outspoken but I held the secrets of my abuse for way to long before I told my wife and started down the road to healing this very old and ragged wound that I had. On the flip side of that, I can very well understand why people would want remain unknown. Everyone is different and everyone's needs are different in regard to what they have to have to cope or heal with what has happened to them. I thnk what works for one will not always work for the next. It's all about getting past the hurt and being able to live again.



Edited by pemac01 (02/18/09 04:52 AM)

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#441448 - 07/20/13 06:12 AM Re: This is really beginning to irritate me [Re: joelRT]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3430
Loc: O Kanada
OCCUPATION - Parent/Musician/Technician/Writer/Producer
HOBBIES - Reading/Research/Music/Writing/Mountaineering
LOCATION - Canada
GENDER - Male
AGE - born 1961
SURVIVOR, Yes/No - Yes
PARTNER OF SURVIVOR - No
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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