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#272971 - 01/28/09 03:00 AM confused
b869 Offline

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 767
Loc: Philippines
I fall in and out of love w/ a few girls. I would miss everything about them but not sexually. The thing is I'm sexually attracted to boys and I hated it, not because i have anything against gay people its just that i want to be normal.

I don't know if its because of my abuse or I just dont think i could accept me being gay. Its killing me, not knowing whats wrong w/ me.



When thing get complicated go back to simplicity

Harvey Fierstein
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

#272985 - 01/28/09 08:50 AM Re: confused [Re: b869]
LandOfShadow Offline

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Maybe the perspective of someone much older than you, who's been through a journey of trying to separate the effects of sexual abuse from whatever my sexuality is would be helpful.

This certainly could be different for you. But it's only until I really tried to recover what exactly happened to me, re-examine all the feelings and circumstances and reflect on how that's all effected me that I've come to feel better about myself sexually. And yes, a lot of my attraction to men has quite a lot to do with various abuses and traumas when I was young. A lot of what I thought for a long time was attraction to men has turned out to be not so. It's taken me a very long time to "figure out". In fact, I was pretty happily partnered with a man for 16 years. Gay relationships can be absolutely just as satisfying and meaningful as straight ones, but where do I feel "at home" and best? 30 years later I still have questions.

I say that abusive sex and my natural sexuality got put in a blender and mixed on high and now, I'm trying to separate the two out again. I may never completely. I'm sad about that, for sure, but I've come to feel good about all my relationships, same and opposite sex, tangled with abuse or not. I'm doing the best I can. And it's very important to NEVER FORGET...

It isn't my fault.

It isn't YOUR fault either.

Good luck to you sorting it all out. Getting help from professionals with training in abuse is a great idea in my opinion. Those people have helped me enormously. It's hard to figure out all on your own.

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard

#272991 - 01/28/09 09:38 AM Re: confused [Re: b869]
Sans Logos Offline

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hi b869,

just jump right in to recovery! smile

this question is typically on the minds of many of the men who find their way to this website and its organization.

there is so much wisdom in this particular section on sexual identity issues, and i encourage you to spend a lot of time exploring what others have written [not a suggestion, a pre>
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy

#273000 - 01/28/09 12:54 PM Re: confused [Re: Sans Logos]
Juni Offline

Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 502
Loc: Florida, WPB
Hi b869,

Welcome to MS.
This is a topic many of us know all too well.
Our experiences have propelled us into this quandary. What am I, who am I, what do I want to be, what should I be?
There are so many questions after abuse.

I have read a quote on one of the posts that said, “the longest journey you will ever take is the journey to self discovery.” This is so true.

It is important that you give yourself a break and allow yourself time to sort through the issues and variables that will ultimately lead to a conclusion in time. No one can do that for you, you must do it yourself, but you can not do it alone.

The good news is that there is hope and you have taken the first step necessary to find the answers you seek.

That you are safe right now is what is important. In the meantime avoid the mistakes that made you a victim. Many of us were repeatedly abused because we repeatedly and unknowingly made the same mistakes.

Stay safe.


Today I'm O.K.
One day at a time I make the journey.

#273017 - 01/28/09 04:37 PM Re: confused [Re: Juni]
kb4 Offline

Registered: 01/20/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Saskatchewan,Canada

I knew in my heart I wasn't gay but yet had this physical attraction.It drove me crazy.Things are alot more sorted out for me only after a week of knowing why.The abuse caused this attraction and I am not gay that is not who I am. I just figured that out.

It may not be that easy for you,I hope it is but it may take time


#273027 - 01/28/09 07:24 PM Re: confused [Re: kb4]
nathan555 Offline

Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
I had same sex feelings but they are not mine
three evil men abused me and set in place triggers
some men tell me they are gay and comfortable with being gay OK
but I too am not gay
these feelings might be within me
but they are not mine
they belong to the three evil men who violated my will
and abused me
and wounded my soul


5 depending on God's grace gives hope
6 my dark side , my hurt inner being my struggle
8 looking to the day of overcomming


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