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#272823 - 01/27/09 02:28 AM Not gay, just sympathetic
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 279
For years after I was sexually abused, I rationalized that I must have been gay. It was SO much easier than facing the truth, but in the end I realized it wasn't who I was.

I remain sympathetic. I think I can understand why a man could love another man alot more than your average heterosexual, hell I would rather be bi than anything, but its just not something I'm capable of. How do I present this to the outside world without revealing my history of sexual abuse?


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#272832 - 01/27/09 05:44 AM Re: Not gay, just sympathetic [Re: InsideTheWall]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
This happened to catch my attention, so i hope my G/B/T brothers here don't mind me jumping in...
Anonymous- just a thought, but who says you have to "present" anything to the outside world in the first place? Your sexuality, and SA history, is your business, period.

I happen to be straight, but due to my history and where i'm at recovery-wise, i'm not ready to be in any kind of intimate relationship- but that doesn't mean i feel obligated to explain that to every woman who flirts with me. I often feel more comfortable around my gay or lesbian friends, simply due to the lack of sexual tension; they're certainly not going to hit on me, any more than i'd hit on them!

OK, maybe i'm rambling a bit, but the point is- you're not obligated to present anything else to the world, other than what you're comfortable with at the time.
Over the years, there were many times i felt like people were looking through me- like my face was telling every stranger far more than i ever wanted them to know... it's only been through the process of recovery that i've been able to see myself as others actually see me, as opposed to how the abuse taught me to see myself...
hope this helps somehow

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#273325 - 01/31/09 12:56 AM Re: Not gay, just sympathetic [Re: dgoods]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Anonymous,

You stated:
Quote:
I remain sympathetic. I think I can understand why a man could love another man alot more than your average heterosexual, hell I would rather be bi than anything, but its just not something I'm capable of. How do I present this to the outside world without revealing my history of sexual abuse?


If I understand you correctly, you are asking how do you express your sympathetic views on homosexuality without being put in a situation where you feel you have to defend those views by explaining your past sexual experiences and/or childhood sexual abuse.

Is that what you are asking? Ways to defend such a position without the defense moving towards your history?


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#277416 - 02/27/09 11:12 AM Re: Not gay, just sympathetic [Re: M3]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Ok...you guys forgive me for thinking out loud...but you have no idea how good it makes me feel to know that there are men out there who were sexually abused but didn't turn out gay, bisexual, or just outright confused.

Unfortunately, I did....but if I had my way about it, that wife and 17 kids I dream of would be a reality. That reality was very dreary...but you guys are sharpening the visibility with each post that I read.

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!


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#277557 - 02/28/09 07:02 AM Re: Not gay, just sympathetic [Re: overcomer4life]
riz Offline


Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 123
Anonymous,

Believe it or not, there are open-minded people in the world who would look at your openess toward gay people as, well, open- minded and positive.

When I first met my husband I admired the fact that, although he wasn't gay, he did not put down that lifestyle. His friends were gay and straight, male and female. I thought he was refreshing, original, and intelligent... much better than the stupid "macho" types, afraid to accept anything that was not the same as them.

This world cracks me up that we have to worry that people will criticize us and need us to explain yourselves, just because we adopt an open-minded viewpoint...about gays or anything else.

Riz


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