I do not just "relive" and it is not "all in my head" what is done to me. It is what it is, I am raped, tortured and mutilated present day by my perps. I can't explain things for anyone to understand. The more I say, the more disbelief because with any logic it seems impossible to people.
I am certifiably not insane or hyper-irrational. No, I am not possessed, I don't "subcontiously" do things to myself or any of the things anybody seems to expect in order to clarify to themselves for their own understanding. They can not be caught, they can not be stopped. It has seemed beyond anyones knowledge and abilities to know what to do.
In most folks minds it is downgraded to what you have been taught about your experience and others'. It's not my fault that there isn't any book to explain what happens to me and my body aside from Eph 6.
When I ask questions about God I don't ever seem to get an answer that is not text book. Nobody can even tell me how God loves me because the answer given is directed to everybody else and does not mean so much. If someone don't understand that they can give me an answer and I can explain the faults in it as it pertains to my existance. That's where the question came from in giving the post a title. The only chance that I will know is when I am gone from here. He either loved me or hated me, either answer is fine as long as He gives the reason, because I am lost as to why I am punished.
The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number