In my struggles I had an amazing experience in a long chat in a pub
God striped down my religiosity and I saw it
God is love
that's it
might sound simple but I am only alive because of His love
not keeping religous rules or games
Nathan 5

Everthing that I was taught then is reinforced over and over by what is taught now. It does not matter what I want to believe. I've already started over from scratch or else I would not be in a church period. Yes, I was hurt by a priest but that priest is not the worst of those who get to torture me. Where would any of you be if what happened to you then was happening now, and you still couldn't do anything about it?

I understand God's love of you and everyone else but there is none for me. What has God done in my life except for "allowing" me to be destroyed? How does God love me? I search daily and there is never any evidence. I don't believe in religion, I believe it is a relationship thing but it's like He does not want anything to do with me but to see me in pain and confusion, that's if He even acknowledges my existance in the first place.

"He died on the cross........ " just doesn't do anything for me. So it is me who is evil and wicked.... it all follows what I was taught, it's not something someone wants to believe.

All I can say, is that I am greatly sorry that people have misused and abused you with the Bible.

There are alot of people whose Love and Faith in God is actually very shallow, and among them are those who haven't resolved there own abuse issues. I feel that many of these people have only heard about God and have not experienced the real and unforgettable love of this enemorous Being who is the very essence of Love, for He is Love. In all the demensions that we have need of.

Watch here for more of my Story, Peace be with you, one Catholic to Another.

I simply want to walk along side of you on this Journey. Without judgement, without making presumptous statements; But I have a listening ear and a big heart, I have heard the cries of your heart, I been there and it can be sorted out, laid to rest and you can get on with your life. Your life will unfold as a Rose blossom and the thoughts and pains will become a distant and fading memory, and you will be enable to say, "All is well with my soul."

Will you let me walk with you on this journey of healing?

Thanks for listening.

thenewsboy

I don't believe I have shallow faith. I don't think me having any faith makes any sense but I do have a little. I was hurt way worse before that priest ever got ahold of me. He just sealed the coffin by all that he did and all that he taught. I went to him for help and after all that he did he's listed as a martyr for you guys.

I'm by far no Catholic, that was a long time ago that I was ever considered one of them. I'd hate to think that anyone would think I have any connection. I don't believe anything that Catholics believe with any similarity.

When I asked Jesus to come into my heart I gave Him my clean side of my heart divided by a wall of shame and pain.
I took down that wall
and behind it was utter darkness of my csa and its ugly effects
it was so dark and full of decay I couldn't see
well I discovered / saw the disgusting abuse I suffered at the age of 2 ! I went through my dark valley I acted out I ranted, I messed up my head and said and did things I regret
in my darkness my only hope was that God exists and that I want to be the man He made me to be. for a while I hated the thing I'd become. no, not hated - despaired, resigned myself whatever
some things feel good and was I ever giving consideration to them
I asked, pleaded with Jesus - come into my dark side
with a wave to cleanse and restore

I continued my journey
no idea where it would lead

in my darkest hour I had the chat I mentioned above

finally at church on Sunday night Jesus entered my whole heart and cleansed it
its beating again

Man - it hasn't happened to you - ask
just ask and ask - whatever it takes

ask Jesus to come into your darkest part of your heart
Jesus loves you there is love for you
demand it
refuse to give up

one thought -- I had barriers to hide my csa
only when I pulled them down could He come in
He knocks at our door
mine were a steel grill, a quarter inch thick steel wall,
a brick wall and the shame and pain wall - it was massive

hey - its safe to let Jesus in.

just sharing my struggle from darkness to light

and I am nowhere perfect

walking the journey

Nathan

I liked how you expressed in words your hope, your fears and the journey to wholeness.

regardless can I walk with you?

It was the hardest thing I did in my life
I thank God He brought me here
for guys who were here for me to walk me through my darkest days
for those who ensured I didn't use religion as a crutch or excuse
and Jesus Christ who delivered me in His timing I earnestly pray for those still waiting.
Nathan

nathan
I am amazed at the caliber of man I have become considering where I started, It had to have been God shadowing me, encouraging me, giving me strenghth every step of the way. His best work is done in fractured hearts