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#273858 - 02/03/09 03:36 PM Re: No where to turn ! 1st post. [Re: Highlanderhog]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Highlanderhog,

Welcome to MS, so glad that you found us.

Here is the place where you deal with issues pertaining to male CSA - not in AA.

AA, as you well know, is a living program whose sole purpose is sobriety and issues about sobriety. AA is not set up in any way to deal with any other life issues - nor should it be.

While it is true that a great number of recovering alcoholics are also former CSA victims, it is also true that these same recovering alcoholics refuse to even look at, let alone deal with, their childhood sexual abuse. These people believe that if they just get and stay sober then all will be fine.

When someone (you - me) comes along and throws something (other than sobriety issues) on the table that recovering alcoholics are uncomfortable with, they either recoil in shock or they deny that they see what they see.

Been there, still have the T-Shirt! You couldn't pay me enough money to go back to AA...........Such narrow, narrow people.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#273860 - 02/03/09 04:03 PM Re: No where to turn ! 1st post. [Re: joelRT]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Originally Posted By: joelRT
You couldn't pay me enough money to go back to AA...........Such narrow, narrow people.

ouch! oh no he dih-unt snap snap!

joel some people may resembl,..... er, i mean, resent that remark. oh well, i still love ya buddy, nothing you could say could ever change the label i have placed on you. no matter what everybody says..... you're ok in my book. wink

ok, to the real reason i am replying: i did the 'my problem is alcohol' mindfuk for 23 years and just kept banging into walls as well. i too saw that as my main issue, and of course, food, overwork, process addictions...they were all there too, but for some reason they did not seem as grave. it was primarily the social stigma around being a drinker that kept me from drinking for so many years.

the truth is there are many reasons why people indulge in obsessive compulsive self-deprecating behaviors. i was glad i blamed alcohol as the primary addiction for all those years, because it at least gave a clearer position from which to resolve many of the standing issues, but also glad i was able to see and accept as the wall it was, for me to hide behind to avoid dealing with the root of my compulsions.

but that's just me.

some of my favorite people are recovering alcoholics. mostly everyone i know is living with some type of narcissistic behavior, and that's just human nature.

but at some point i had to lose the label in order to move into wider realms of recovery.

highlanderhog, in many ways i found aa to be helpful, but i also found it at times to be a greater inhibitor for realizing full human potential to the extent that everyone with a few months sobriety qualifies as an expert on how everyone else best live their life. considering how complex the issues around human being, it's understandable why the stick-to-it-iveness statistics are so low.

while there are no guarantees, unless people transfer their interdependence to a structured program of recovery and healing, very little true progress possible.

ok, now, just make sure the tomatoes are not canned please.....

ron



_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#273861 - 02/03/09 04:24 PM Re: No where to turn ! 1st post. [Re: Sans Logos]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
My good friend Ron, as well as anyone who may care to bitch slap me laugh

I payed my dues in AA, I did what I was told to do and I did it faithfully. Against my better judgement, I didn't question the program, blamed myself when it just was not freakin' working all to discover that as a complete living program AA cannot live up to it's promise.

If all you want is to get and be sober, then AA is where you want to and should be!!! I will tout that to my dying day!

I use to this day many of the precepts and concepts of AA in my daily struggles and I will be forever greatfull for what I learned to apply to my life while in AA.

However, if what you want is a full life, then you need to look outside the confines of the "you can't get or stay well without us" proned in AA.

STATISTIC: According to the powers that be in AA itself, the recovery success rate of AA is 11% - everyone else who walks through the hallowed AA doors ends up in the ditch. Why, you ask? Well, because you can't get or stay sober without the AA brotherhood, of course. C'mon people put down that drink and pay attention!


Unlike my buddy, Ron, I dodge cans beautiffuly - go ahead....... laugh

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#273870 - 02/03/09 05:09 PM Re: No where to turn ! 1st post. [Re: joelRT]
Highlanderhog Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/25/09
Posts: 33
Loc: Arkansas
"I use to this day many of the precepts and concepts of AA in my daily struggles and I will be forever greatfull for what I learned to apply to my life while in AA."

Without taking the steps and learning the tools like inventory my onion would still have the first layer. I was considered an outgoing, happy, " normal" kid until the abuse started. Alcohol saved my life for a long time but then it quit working, I was still ME when I drank. My biggest issue with AA now is I am isolated with my secret. Plus many want you to make AA the sole of your existence and friends and do 5 meetings a week, all conferences, service work, etc... Understand 1/2 or more of the people where I live are retired and that is great for them plus since they are almost 98% from somewhere else they have awesome AA dedication stories of walking uphill both ways in the snow and picking up newcomers on they way to a meeting while walking with a broken foot LOL.

_________________________
Please just use HLH instead of HighlanderHog!
I have lived the saying " religion is for people afraid to go to hell and spirituality is for those who have already been there." But, I am happy for anyone who has a Higher power that works for them no matter where they find it.

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#273871 - 02/03/09 05:15 PM Re: No where to turn ! 1st post. [Re: Highlanderhog]
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1299
Loc: Northern Ohio
What a Brave & Strong man you are Highlanderhog.

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#273872 - 02/03/09 05:32 PM Re: No where to turn ! 1st post. [Re: Highlanderhog]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Highlanderhog - this is last time that I'm writing the whole out (I can't type at the best of times). From now on it's gonna be HLH from me smile

I hear what you're saying about how difficult it is to get some grounding under you when you're alone out in left field. Until you manage to connect in a more tangible way with others, might I suggest the following site? It's a long read to be sure, but it goes a long way to explaining why you are, as a CSA survivor, how you are.
http://jimhopper.com/

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#273875 - 02/03/09 05:52 PM Re: No where to turn ! 1st post. [Re: joelRT]
Highlanderhog Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/25/09
Posts: 33
Loc: Arkansas
I thought of that after I registered I am going to see how to show that abreviation HLH. I take for ever to type yet I use a longname , duh.

_________________________
Please just use HLH instead of HighlanderHog!
I have lived the saying " religion is for people afraid to go to hell and spirituality is for those who have already been there." But, I am happy for anyone who has a Higher power that works for them no matter where they find it.

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#273879 - 02/03/09 06:05 PM Re: No where to turn ! 1st post. [Re: Highlanderhog]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
smile HLH, and thanks!!!

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#273945 - 02/04/09 10:27 AM Re: No where to turn ! 1st post. [Re: joelRT]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, HLH.

Well I'm a graduate of AA, been 32 years sober. Most of my alcoholic days were in the military. Mostly limited to Friday PM-Sunday PM, then later in my career it was more frequent. I started drinking at 16, joined the Air Force at 17. Just why did I turn to alcohol? I was running away from something, but I just didn't really know what from. But I had always put it on the emotional, physical and mental abuse rendered to me since the day I came into this world, by my "mother". Now from at about 4-5 years of age she was taking very good care of my penis. However I had never considered that sexual abuse until I was 69 yrs old. But i was a victim of sexual abuse by a friend of the family, between 8-14 yrs old for years and some total strangers. But this stuff on that sexual abuse by my main perp was buried deep into the depths of my soul and mind, until last August.

My participation in AA in the Air Force, was a valuable lesson for me, It for me was a rewarding experience. We were always in civilian clothes, and on a first name basis. However being in the military we see and work together, but what is said, what is heard and who we seen was a secret unto our selfs.

Now there is no way that I would ever try and work my CSA with a group in AA. It's a whole different ballgame. Nor would I try and work my AA with a group in CSA.

Vastly different circumstances, different kinds of REAL friends too.

Gotta keep both seperate, 12 steps included, along with ones concept of a "higher power". I hope that this makes some sense to some one.
Heal well my brothers/friends.
Pete (Irishmoose)



Edited by petercorbett (02/04/09 10:30 AM)
Edit Reason: sentence structure
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#285041 - 04/23/09 08:43 AM Re: No where to turn ! 1st post. [Re: Highlanderhog]
mapleleafsn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/08
Posts: 131
Loc: Eastern Canada
Hello HLH

I too am a friend of Bill W and Dr Bob. I recieved mixed ideas from other members of that fellowship in regards to seeking outside help for the abuse issues. I found this site late 2008 when I finally started with a T that had some knowledge of Childhood Sex abuse issues. My heart goes out to you in these early days of dealing with the elephant. It was a great relief for me to finally get an understanding that many of my attitudes and behaviours were a direct result of the abuse. Is my life perfect now? Not really, however it is greatly improving each and every day. The fears of what other people may think about me because of it have diminished dramatically. If they want to talk behind my back, so be it. My attitude is to get my life on a better path and not to worry about what others think.

Welcome to the rest of your life my friend. You are not alone with your history. visit this site as often as you need to so that you can remind yourself that you are valued and accepted for who you are now and not what you may have mistakenly thought of yourself.

Steve

_________________________
When the pain of remaining the same finally outweighs the pain of change---things will begin.... life is meant to be enjoyed not endured.

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