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#272386 - 01/23/09 12:24 PM How do I stop it....
kb4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/20/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Saskatchewan,Canada
First let me say how I am overwelmed that the "Newest Members List" changes every day...and I thought I was alone in this.

My brother the perp. Is still "giving it to me" after all these years.I confronted him for the first time recently.There was no remorse. His excuse was he was a lonely mixed up kid.More recently while on a holiday with my family He came into my house I don't know what he did here but I feel violated all over again.There are other examples like this.

My wife knows of the abuse but none of my siblings.I am struggling with telling them.They know of friction between us but don't kow the real reason why.

Ant thoughts?


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#272387 - 01/23/09 01:02 PM Re: How do I stop it.... [Re: kb4]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
My brother Canuk,

You may want to think twice about disclosing to your family about an incestuous relationship between you and your brother. Sometimes these things go well, but for the most part they do not.

Remember that each family member has a different relationship with him than you do. Many may very well be dis-inclined to believe you - make you the bad guy for telling. That happens more often than you may be aware of. If your family should dis-believe you, how are you going to feel about that?

All too many of us know the feeling of being revictimized by our family for revealing having been victimized by a family member. It's known as punish the victim.

What is your purpose in wanting to tell? What is it that you wish to achieve? Are you prepared for not being believed? Are you able to prove that what you are telling is the truth?

There is a lot to consider here before you just go charging into this.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#272391 - 01/23/09 02:05 PM Re: How do I stop it.... [Re: joelRT]
kb4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/20/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Saskatchewan,Canada
All good thoughts Joel.

I will think about this today and answer later on

I know it is complicated.

Thanks


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#272397 - 01/23/09 05:10 PM Re: How do I stop it.... [Re: kb4]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5773
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
You might want to take a look at:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer3.html
for some ideas. You really have much more power than it feels like right now.

Good luck.
Ken


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#272401 - 01/23/09 05:45 PM Re: How do I stop it.... [Re: kb4]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Originally Posted By: kb4
Ant thoughts?
haha! ant thoughts? LOL well let's have a picnic and see! grin on the other hand, my perp brother died of a cerebral hemorrhage at the age of 23. since then, have had to deal with the effects of having been abused by him. so i can't relate to having a living perp. [although my 4 rapists are another story....] you know, we could go on and on about how ruined our lives are by these people, but at some point a decision has to be made. do we allow these people to continue to determine our future happiness?

how can we move in a direction that allows us to take back what hey have stolen from us?

how can we become the people we were intended to be,in spite of the interruptions?

hmmmmo....just wondering.....

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#272438 - 01/24/09 02:04 AM Re: How do I stop it.... [Re: Sans Logos]
kb4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/20/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Saskatchewan,Canada


Ken,

The link was very helpfull and has given me alot to digest.I should have read this before the first try at,not really confrontation,but fixing this.

It does cross my mind that maybe I am hesitant about telling others is that this secret is one power that I have.

I'll give this some more thought

Any advice is appreciated

Kris


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