I have a compulsion to shave all of the hair off my legs,arms,chest,anal area and pubic area. I have been doing this for years. My wife thinks that I am trying to look like a boy. I believe that pubic hair or any hair that reminds me of it is sick. I know the feeling of being smoothly shaved feels good. I know that I am not gay. I am attracted to some men and boys but feel that this is the result of the sexual abuse from my stepgrandfather when I was 5 through 8. I believe that some of the memories are still repressed. I have gone over the incidents in therapy for over A year. I could almost puke thinking of pubic hair in the back of my throat. I tell my wife to shave and she thinks that I am sick. Please give me your inputs. Thank you

Hey, Tim,




Welcome to the site.

I've known several guys that shave all their body hair for the r easons you are suggesting. It is a regular part of their daily routine. And, yea, getting their partners to understand was a huge hurdle.

What you are saying makes sense to me in the context of our experiences. For me, it manifested itself differently. I felt compelled to take a shower before and after having sex. Which, as you might imagine, severly limited the sponteneity and, where and when sex was possible.

At first and, before I disclosed, my partner just thought I was a bit quirky and, after a while, because they were accepting of it, I thought, we both should. That was where the line got drawn.

My therapist challenged me on it as I recall. Suggesting that if I felt compelled to do it, choice was removed, taken away. She asked me what it would feel like to have sex without taking a shower before and after and, as you suggest, the idea of it was, well, not good.

The next logical step was, that recovery was, at the very least, reclaiming what is lost. The intent is to empower. It was about making choices...the best informed choices I could make that would improve the quality of my life.

Knowing that it came out of my experiences as a survivor and, that that made sense to me, she suggested that if I were doing it to regain a sense of control in an otherwise out of control set of circumstances...well, "how was that working out," she asked, "if you cannot have sex unless you take a shower before and after?"

"If it isn't a choice that you can make freely,then," she said, "isn't that just as out of control? What have you gained?"

The bitch.





Dave

Hi Tim,

For many years now I have shaved my chest and pubic hair. I just know it has to do with my SA. The difference is my wife actually likes it. I have lots of obsessive compulsive behaviors. Showering before and after sex, making sure my breath smells good, changing my underwear frequently 2 or 3 times per day, keeping as many lights on as possible, knowing where my exits are, and not being alone with men. I believe it is all related to my SA. It has been an uphill battle but I have been able to carve-out a life out of all the mess in my life.

Juni