Hey Guys,

I have posted recently on the current state of my sexuality and I was seeing a girl with whom I engaged in sexual intercourse with. Shortly after I found myself filled with self hate and doubts about everything around me. I have researched the symptoms of clinical depression and I fit the bill quite perfectly right now. I exhibit the symptoms almost to the letter. I had to break it off with her and this is the third time I have had to do this for pretty much the same reasons. So now I am ready to witness my feelings instead of trying to prove myself for others. I decided to post my raw feelings on my facebook page last week and now speculation has begun at work on whether or not I am gay. Suddenly there are gay men adding me as a friend on this website and sending me private messages. I feel invaded and really angry about everything right now. I wish I could fade into the pasture where nobody will notice me, seems so much easier tthat way.

All this attention feels like a constant pull in one direction or another! Yes I don't where I am at sexually but that does not mean I have to be subjected to the non stop debate on something personal to me. Now this girl I love is not speaking to me, probably because I violated her trust on more than one occasion. I can't shake the negativity and I feel backed into a corner. I want to be left alone!!!!

there are many men here who were csa by men and for this or other reasons have struggled with their sexuality and identity.
It is sad when they do not give space for hetros to deal with issues. some ( not most) are almost hetrophobic. I say this to get a balance.

Were you sexually abused in childhood?
If so there can be flashbacks during or after sexual intercourse
it can even produce frigidity.

This is a forum for male survivors of sexual abuse
If you were not sa then plainly this forum isn't the place for you to find answers.

I wish you well in your journey.

Nathan 5

hey my man, you can change your facebook preferences so people are not able to automatically add you; you can also set it so that only certain people can even see your profile.

i hope this helps,

hugs,
ron

Dan,

It is good to see you back...

I see Nathan questioned you. that ran thru my skull too.

When I look back at your posts, obsessive ain't I ;-), and I see you questioning yourself a lot and bouncing on an off. Oh well, if you say you belong here you belong here... Heck, I think you fit. I get the feeling that you are looking to an external to complete you and you keep "throwing yourself under the bus". I pray that you find your inner true self, the one that keeps trying to get you to look at him and nurture him.

My deepest prayer is for you to love yourself unconditionally, and that you find the forgiveness you need for healing yourself.

Love Wes