It is sad that a person can go so far on his road of life and not realize that He has been in the ditch.I guess if you never experience the road, the ditch seems o.k.I have not ridden the road but this forum has shown me it exists..Thanks.
I was abused by my oldest brother when I was about 7. We played a game called lovie. He was really miserable to me all the time except when we played it.It went on for a while I'm not sure how long and eventually I told on him to my Dad.That was the end of it.Nobody spoke of it again.
Kurt my abuser has to this day has said and done things to put me into what he has always seen as my place.I didn't realize what a profound affect it has on me untill my parents became ill and my Dad passed away.There was too much interaction between us and I confronted him with the past as well as how he treats me in the present.He act sorry and said he was a lonely mixed up kid. He agreed to work this out with some help from a professional but it seems he isn't serious.This is what led me to look for help on my own.
The biline of "you must do this yourself but you can't do it alone" fom one of the forums was the tsn turning point for me.
I realize now that csa has caused me to miss alot of good people. I have lots of freinds but it is mostly surface relationships.As soon as I get to close a relationship with guys it feels wrong, and pull away.
I have a very good life. A great wife and wonderfull kids but I am miserable. Lots of what I am reading here makes sense to me
Thanks for listening