Newest Members
MJ545, Marant, BeingFound, journey4two, VASurvivor
12331 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cricket453 (60)
Who's Online
4 registered (tbkkfile, lapchinj, 2 invisible), 13 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12331 Members
74 Forums
63408 Topics
443325 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#268752 - 12/26/08 02:45 AM Struggle against my instincts
Gravity_19 Offline


Registered: 08/08/08
Posts: 1
Loc: TN
Hi, my name is Jon. I was abused from ages 8-13. Can ANYBODY PLEASE sympathize with me? The worst part of this whole ordeal for me is having to constantly struggle everyday with my "instincts" and sexual attractions that have been embedded into me.

I can't even walk by a child 8-13 without having to fight my own mind. PLEASE...can anyone relate???????????????


Top
#268754 - 12/26/08 03:07 AM Re: Struggle against my instincts [Re: Gravity_19]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Jon,

There are definitely those that relate and empathize with you. Abuse affects us survivors in sometimes very similar ways, and sometimes quite differently. First our boundaries are violated, and we deal with that whole issue in several different ways. Some of us are sexually compulsive, and some are sexually devoid. We often have a hard time connecting sex and emotion.

Some of us identify with being victimized, and continuing to be a victum (even putting ourselves in the position to be a victim). Some of us identify with the abuser and repeat or think of repeating that pattern.

Your feelings are not unique, and they don't make you some monster. You just have to create very very firm boundares as you work thour what is going on inside your brain. You are in a way stuck in the past due to the trauma, and it can be really difficult to work through. A therapist or support group is a really great way to begin to work through things. In your case, it sounds pretty important due to sme intense feelings.

I am sure you will get some very well thought out responses that will be helpful, but hey I'm up late, so I decided to give it a shot.

Richard.



Edited by KeithR (12/26/08 03:11 AM)

Top
#268755 - 12/26/08 03:28 AM Re: Struggle against my instincts [Re: KeithR]
jggab Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 53
Loc: California
Jon,
I agree with Richard. There is a lot to work through. Half the battle is recognizing the feelings that you have. Listen to what your mind and body is telling you. . . processes it. . . then discuss it. You will sort it out, but it's going to take time. If you haven't talked with a therapist, I highly recommend it. It helps to have the guidance when dealing with these feelings.

Jon


Top
#268768 - 12/26/08 09:14 AM Re: Struggle against my instincts [Re: jggab]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
When looking for a therapist, be sure to read:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/consumers-guide.html


Top
#268770 - 12/26/08 09:45 AM Re: Struggle against my instincts [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
Gravity I struggled with that for a while too. I remember when I was 14 I was babysitting for some kids and one of them exposed himself to me, I think he was 6 at the time, and I felt a similar impulse. Thank god I never acted on them. I was very very close to the family though and told the mother one day, and I'll never forget, because I felt so guilty and so awful, and she just looked at me and said "You are so blessed that god gave you a conscience to be able to tell me something like that." I should mention they were a very religious family, and so there was a lot of that god bless going on. But they really helped me out at the time.

My parents were getting divorced, all that junk. The next time I went over to babysit for these folks the Dad mentioned very briefly, not to be cruel or anything "Alright, be on your best behavior" and I just broke down into tears. That's when the wife asked me if I had been molested or sexually abused, and at 14 for the second time I told somebody yes. Asked if my parents knew, I told em yes, not realizing my parents for whatever reason had downplayed it in their own minds, although I can easily understand why. I just regret now that I waited until I was 21 to seek help for it, when all the signs were there when I was 14. That's life though.

Anyways, I had those same impulses as you for a long time, and eventually they just disappeared. I knew they weren't right and I knew exactly what caused them, but I don't know how I made them go away, they just did. There are plenty of other problems I have with sex and sexuality though, and although compared to a few years ago those are fading, they're still troubling me a lot in my day to day life. My gut has always connected them with my past experiences though, not with who I truly am, and I really believe that one I get to the root I can work on fixing the problem. I'm still trying to find the root though. Anyways, good luck, I think you'll be able to come out on top of this if you work on it.


Top
#268805 - 12/26/08 02:47 PM Re: Struggle against my instincts [Re: AndyS87]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Welocome Jon and Andy. I'm glad to have you both at our site smile


Top
#272083 - 01/20/09 08:21 PM Re: Struggle against my instincts [Re: KeithR]
timothyrecovery1 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/19/09
Posts: 31
Loc: Pennsylvania
I can relate to the feelings of thinking that I might be gay. I have had feelings toward boys and men but never acted out. I have seen therapists for over 1 year. I have reoccuring dreams of my abuse except I am the one doing things to boys. I attribute this to my stepgrandfather molesting me from age 5 through 8 or so. I have identity issues but am married and love my wife. I would like the feelings to go away. I feel so ashamed and demented.

_________________________
Timothyrecovery

Top
#272085 - 01/20/09 08:32 PM Re: Struggle against my instincts [Re: timothyrecovery1]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Tim:

Welcome to our support site. Glad that you found us. I think that you will find us to be a caring and supportive bunch of guy who will understand what you are going through.

Most of the "action" is on the survivor forum.

Keep coming back, and have hope,

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#272099 - 01/20/09 10:52 PM Re: Struggle against my instincts [Re: Trucker51]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Hey Tim,

Welcome to MS.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.