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#271356 - 01/14/09 09:26 PM Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
POTENTIAL TRIGGER

Was having a discussion with my T last week about emotions, and how during recovery they seem all over the place. She listed off a rather short list of what men's emotions usually are, and I suggested that horny is an emotion. She countered with what I felt was a very female response, equating horny with arousal, but I continue to feel that its also an emotion.

Its not only a desire to have sex with someone, but a desire, a feeling of need to connect physically and emotionally with someone you love, someone you care about, someone you want to care about you. I see it differently from arousal. Arousal is a physical response indicating an ability to engage is sexual activity. Its not the same as desire, or a want or a willingness. I think there is a huge difference here.

So, what say you gentlemen? Is horny an emotion, or have I missed something here? Thanks.

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#271360 - 01/14/09 10:09 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Hi Jim,
Great question! I tend to agree with you. I decided to check with dictionary.com. They have 8 definitions for emotion and they generally define them as feelings that can be accompanied by physiologic reactions.
If a woman is feeling blue, she can become emotionally expressive. If someone has longing for physical touch a feeling can be horny but not always.

She may be trying to get you to understand the difference between sex and intimacy to understand whether your feeling horny is reactive to stress or being alone (if you are). As a survivor, I know it gets blurred for me sometimes. I sometimes used to use sex as a reaction to an emotion. I think it is both arousal and emotion. Love is an emotion and healthy sex or making love is an emotional and physical expression.

These are just my thoughts to consider and rather than get hung up on it, if it is important to you, discuss it next time you meet.

Good luck,
Dan

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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#271367 - 01/14/09 10:29 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Jim,

My take. Well, you had to know I'd chime in on this one, didn't ya!?

While it is true that we feel emotions, and it certainly is true that feel horny, horny is not an emotion but rather a state of being. I will agree with you that horny engenders emotions and or desires such as you describe but if your de>
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#271369 - 01/14/09 10:32 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Danbuff]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Thanks Dan:

It wasn't a focus of our discussion thats for sure. It was one of those doorknob conversations on the way out the door. I think I was somewhat surprised by what I perceived as her narrowness of thinking, just as she was surprised by the question I posed. I don't think she ever thought about it before, and I, well, I bit at what I perceived as something bordering on being sexist. To me, horny can be wanting to touch, or be touched, in a sexual way. I see the "wanting" part as integral, and preceeding arousal. Its in the brain and then proceeds elsewhere where the endorphins do their thing. grin

I'm not hung up on it, well maybe a little bit. But just because I think I was put off by what I found limited thinking.

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#271371 - 01/14/09 10:37 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: joelRT]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Jim,

To me horny is desiring sexual activity with another person.
Not so much phsyical intimancy or closeness.

I can see a beautiful person walk by me and feel horny. And it is usually not emotional closeness that I desire from them.

Just my two cents.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#271372 - 01/14/09 10:37 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: joelRT]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Joel, if I didn't see a post from you I'd call 911!

Please consider though my response to Dan, about the wanting part. I see single guys in that category.

Cheers!
Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#271374 - 01/15/09 12:37 AM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
My dear friend, Jim.

It is far too late at night for me to formulate the post that I feel you deserve smile for me to make (hey, you started this). But I will certainly get back to you within the next 24 hours with something savvy and deep - now put that phone down!

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My Story 2
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#271375 - 01/15/09 12:53 AM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: joelRT]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 303
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
Well this may be the typical young man's response, but for me being horny or feeling horny has only been about one thing, and that's getting my rocks off, usually by myself. Only recently did I realize, after going through some initial therapy, that this was very limited.

To sum it up, whenever I feel or felt horny, all I wanted was an orgasm, a really really intense one. I've had girls who have at time fulfilled that for me, but never once was it a girl who I really loved or felt attracted to. I always felt like I could do the same for myself alone with nobody else. For some reason, those women I love are for me are somewhere that I can't reach.

Either way, at 21 years old my understanding of love and sex is probably no more advanced than a 14 or 15 year olds, so take my definition with a grain of salt.


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#271408 - 01/15/09 09:35 AM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: AndyS87]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
I have come to the conclusion
after years of guilt
perhaps because my mother said
"don't let me ever catch you playing with yourself"
where was the man to man advice from my father?

that getting my rocks of by myself is meant to be a natural release

only complicate when I get flash backs of ca

but I faced my fears tonight
and have found a new freedom

in time you will find the woman you love
Nathan 5


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#271413 - 01/15/09 09:52 AM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: AndyS87]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Andy:

Thanks for being so candid. I appreciate your input. Its been a long time since I was 21, and to just feel that way again... nevermind! grin You also made me remember something from my youth. Another word for horny was having a case of the D.S.B.'s. Dreaded Sperm Buildup!

Mike:

Thank you too for your input. I'm not sure I see the difference though between what you are saying and arousal? Maybe its just my interpretation? You see someone you find attractive, and feel that you want/need/could have sex with them. At that point you are stimulated, and your brain starts to do its thing. I think what I am trying to undertsand is that anticipatory feeling, prior to the stimulation. That feeling that you want or need to touch, or be touched, prior to having a focus of stimulation, be it with someone else or yourself. That longing feeling of an anticipated release, ahead of actually getting a release, or being aroused or stimulated. Does this make any sense?

_________________________
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WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#271418 - 01/15/09 10:54 AM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 303
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
HAHAHA! DSB. That's great, goes right up there with the NRB, no reason boner.


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#271420 - 01/15/09 11:27 AM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: Geeders
I think what I am trying to undertsand is that anticipatory feeling, prior to the stimulation. That feeling that you want or need to touch, or be touched, prior to having a focus of stimulation, be it with someone else or yourself. That longing feeling of an anticipated release, ahead of actually getting a release, or being aroused or stimulated. Does this make any sense?

... trapped in isolation with no key to open the door and let anyone in to even touch me - much less draw stronger feelings ...


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#271425 - 01/15/09 11:44 AM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: MarkK]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 303
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
I think I know what you're talking about Geeders, but I have absolutely no idea how to put that feeling into words. It's kinda like you're looking forward to whats about to happen so much that you get yourself all worked up for it until the point where you can't take it anymore and you'd give anything to get to the release? Is that what you're getting at?


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#271426 - 01/15/09 11:57 AM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: MarkK]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

Hey Brothers :-)

I concur with an earlier statement that horny is a state... to me it is closely related to lustfulness, it is wanting a release. Horny is the state that has most often been about my misconnection. I have spent the majority of my adult life disconnected from my emotions. I heard Patrick Carnes speak about confusing fear with arousal and my head snapped back. soo much of my life has been driven by a misconnect of emotions driving me to arousal... wanting a ejaculatory release to numb the underlying pain in my soul.

For me Horny, unless I know my arousal to be linked to an expression of love, is about numbing my emotions to escape from my pain. I can no longer trust when I am horny it is a red flag that tells me to "lean into my pain" and work my program of recovery.

Love you all, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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#271454 - 01/15/09 03:39 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
I feel horny driving my car sometimes, and then I may see or read something that makes me feel horny. I don’t get an erection I don’t want emotion or necessarily have sex I just feel horny, then it passes. Sometimes I get aroused and part of that arousal is hornynes. Other times I just want to get off and I don’t see that as horny. So yes I agree horny is a feeling.

Dusty


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#271457 - 01/15/09 04:09 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
jim for me horniness is definitely a brain chemistry thing.

i think someone else got my share of testosterone, so i don't feel the effect of the build up unless a lot of time passes in between sexual activities.

arousal happens when hormones and fantasy or realtime 3d contact conspire.

ron

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#271461 - 01/15/09 04:34 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Sans Logos]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

When I was a kid I was learning to play the horn. That is, one made out of brass with a mouthpiece on one end and a bell on the other.

I really enjoyed the sound of my instrument as I heard it on the radio. When a piece of music had a lot of good horn playing in it, I called it "horny". I was describing a horny piece to someone. My sister overheard and got word back to me that "horny" was not the right word to use.



Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#271464 - 01/15/09 05:17 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: pufferfish]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

Allen;

may you be richly blessed... you brought a smile to my face and warmth to my heart. you often do this big Brother.

from the heart, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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#271487 - 01/15/09 08:29 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
dan_in_newengland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 162
Loc: Mass
ok, my take for what it is worth
Horny is a feeling
Arousal is a physical state
desire is an emotion
the desire to connect physical, that is normal
they all intertwine

Just my opinion.
Dan


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#271693 - 01/17/09 10:11 AM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Dusty Boy]
MichaeldR Offline


Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 36
Loc: South Carolina
Dear friends:

Horny (correctly: libidinous) is a feeling of wanting to get sexual release, by myself or with someone else.

Sometimes I just want to be near people or one special person. I call that Yearning.

Regards,

Mike

_________________________
Mike

My mantras:

Easy Does I - - - - - - Là où il y a la vie il y a l'espoir.
One Day At A Time - - - Là où il y a l'espoir: la vie.
First Things First- - - Where there's life there's hope.
LIVE and Let Live - - - Where there is hope: life.

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#271735 - 01/17/09 04:19 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
HAVEING LUST IS AN EMOTION. HAVEING AN ERECTIOL IS A PHISICAL STATE . AND THERE IS A LARGE DIFFRINCE

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MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#422956 - 01/22/13 06:18 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 432
Loc: USA
I think horny is an emotion, tied to lust and it causes the erection. I don't understand the difference. What I struggle with more is what I read here about "arousal templates". It's like our abuse programmed us to be aroused by what happened to us, and I don't understand that either. Will have to talk to my T about it as I don't understand now what is the right way to think. It seems like it is yet another sucky side effect of abuse. I'm new at T so maybe there are a lot of side effects I don't know about yet and that kind of scares me.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#422973 - 01/22/13 08:35 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 287
Loc: MO


I don't think horny is an emotion. Lust or need i think of as emotions. The difference between a desire to get my rocks off and my need for touch, safety, acknowledgement is obvious.

My horniness starts in my mind and will either motivate me to acheive an orgasm or serve as a short term distraction like a passing thought. The physical experience of arousal has nothing to do with emotion. It can be caused by feeling myself or being felt by another. Some parts of my body respond with arousal more intensly than others.

However, when my mind is stimulated I can also respond with arousal as when I was being photographed naked when I was 12.

I have no idea if this is helpful, but It is what I believe.

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#422989 - 01/22/13 11:26 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Horniness comes from our primitive mammalian brain. It's an impulse that triggers the release of dopamine. Dopamine is part of our reward circuitry and drives to eat, and mate.

When we want to feel close to someone that is oxytocin being secreted in the brain. This happens when we touch another human being. This interplay of Neuro chemicals constitutes physical attraction. It's all about brain chemistry.
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#423099 - 01/24/13 08:29 AM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1585
Loc: New England
From Collins English Dictionary"

horny [ˈhɔːnɪ]
adj hornier, horniest
1. of, like, or hard as horn
2. having a horn or horns
3. Slang
a. sexually aroused
b. provoking or intended to provoke sexual arousal
c. sexually eager or lustful
hornily adv
horniness n
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Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
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#423112 - 01/24/13 01:06 PM Re: Is Horny an Emotion? Potential Trigger [Re: Geeders]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
I think being horny isn't an emotion. It's a shield that hides other emotions, like pain, sadness and loneliness. Also, it's a habit.

Too often, we take feelings at face value, and that would be fine if we hadn't been sexually used and abused.

If I were you, I'd think hard about how you feel and what you avoid when you're feeling horny. Also, I'd relax overall about it, because, hey, it's just sex. Plus, I'd try to accept your sexuality as it is... with an easy heart. I'm trying to do this for myself. It's not always easy, but I think it's important to do.

Good luck.
Bob

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