POTENTIAL TRIGGER

Was having a discussion with my T last week about emotions, and how during recovery they seem all over the place. She listed off a rather short list of what men's emotions usually are, and I suggested that horny is an emotion. She countered with what I felt was a very female response, equating horny with arousal, but I continue to feel that its also an emotion.

Its not only a desire to have sex with someone, but a desire, a feeling of need to connect physically and emotionally with someone you love, someone you care about, someone you want to care about you. I see it differently from arousal. Arousal is a physical response indicating an ability to engage is sexual activity. Its not the same as desire, or a want or a willingness. I think there is a huge difference here.

So, what say you gentlemen? Is horny an emotion, or have I missed something here? Thanks.

Jim

Hi Jim,
Great question! I tend to agree with you. I decided to check with dictionary.com. They have 8 definitions for emotion and they generally define them as feelings that can be accompanied by physiologic reactions.
If a woman is feeling blue, she can become emotionally expressive. If someone has longing for physical touch a feeling can be horny but not always.

She may be trying to get you to understand the difference between sex and intimacy to understand whether your feeling horny is reactive to stress or being alone (if you are). As a survivor, I know it gets blurred for me sometimes. I sometimes used to use sex as a reaction to an emotion. I think it is both arousal and emotion. Love is an emotion and healthy sex or making love is an emotional and physical expression.

These are just my thoughts to consider and rather than get hung up on it, if it is important to you, discuss it next time you meet.

Good luck,
Dan

Jim,

My take. Well, you had to know I'd chime in on this one, didn't ya!?

While it is true that we feel emotions, and it certainly is true that feel horny, horny is not an emotion but rather a state of being. I will agree with you that horny engenders emotions and or desires such as you describe but if your de>

Thanks Dan:

It wasn't a focus of our discussion thats for sure. It was one of those doorknob conversations on the way out the door. I think I was somewhat surprised by what I perceived as her narrowness of thinking, just as she was surprised by the question I posed. I don't think she ever thought about it before, and I, well, I bit at what I perceived as something bordering on being sexist. To me, horny can be wanting to touch, or be touched, in a sexual way. I see the "wanting" part as integral, and preceeding arousal. Its in the brain and then proceeds elsewhere where the endorphins do their thing.

I'm not hung up on it, well maybe a little bit. But just because I think I was put off by what I found limited thinking.

Jim

Jim,

To me horny is desiring sexual activity with another person.
Not so much phsyical intimancy or closeness.

I can see a beautiful person walk by me and feel horny. And it is usually not emotional closeness that I desire from them.

Just my two cents.

Mike

Joel, if I didn't see a post from you I'd call 911!

Please consider though my response to Dan, about the wanting part. I see single guys in that category.

Cheers!
Jim

My dear friend, Jim.

It is far too late at night for me to formulate the post that I feel you deserve for me to make (hey, you started this). But I will certainly get back to you within the next 24 hours with something savvy and deep - now put that phone down!

Well this may be the typical young man's response, but for me being horny or feeling horny has only been about one thing, and that's getting my rocks off, usually by myself. Only recently did I realize, after going through some initial therapy, that this was very limited.

To sum it up, whenever I feel or felt horny, all I wanted was an orgasm, a really really intense one. I've had girls who have at time fulfilled that for me, but never once was it a girl who I really loved or felt attracted to. I always felt like I could do the same for myself alone with nobody else. For some reason, those women I love are for me are somewhere that I can't reach.

Either way, at 21 years old my understanding of love and sex is probably no more advanced than a 14 or 15 year olds, so take my definition with a grain of salt.

I have come to the conclusion
after years of guilt
perhaps because my mother said
"don't let me ever catch you playing with yourself"
where was the man to man advice from my father?

that getting my rocks of by myself is meant to be a natural release

only complicate when I get flash backs of ca

but I faced my fears tonight
and have found a new freedom

in time you will find the woman you love
Nathan 5

Andy:

Thanks for being so candid. I appreciate your input. Its been a long time since I was 21, and to just feel that way again... nevermind! You also made me remember something from my youth. Another word for horny was having a case of the D.S.B.'s. Dreaded Sperm Buildup!

Mike:

Thank you too for your input. I'm not sure I see the difference though between what you are saying and arousal? Maybe its just my interpretation? You see someone you find attractive, and feel that you want/need/could have sex with them. At that point you are stimulated, and your brain starts to do its thing. I think what I am trying to undertsand is that anticipatory feeling, prior to the stimulation. That feeling that you want or need to touch, or be touched, prior to having a focus of stimulation, be it with someone else or yourself. That longing feeling of an anticipated release, ahead of actually getting a release, or being aroused or stimulated. Does this make any sense?