Newest Members
jeremywickers, JScott12, TMatti2, DaiseyLady, uvagrad4
12501 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
innocence (60), pablo999 (53)
Who's Online
1 registered (manipulated), 23 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12501 Members
74 Forums
64187 Topics
447904 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#27117 - 12/09/02 07:49 PM problems with paying for therapy
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 695
For the first time in my life, I began therapy for the "real" issue of incest, as compared to never attending counselling for that focus. I've spent a lot of money warming couches.

There is a great deal of inner conflict with how I will pay for the present counselling. It couldn't come from my own pockets. I don't have it. But I was told about how the state attorney's office has a sexual victim compensation deal where I can get therapy for this. I had good talks with a case manager there, she sent me info with names and numbers about therapists in the area, and then we spoke again about how it would all work.
After contacting and interviewing my present therapist, I was led to believe that it was good to proceed with therapy (before I had filed any paperwork). I was confident that as questions came from the state as far as validity, my therapist would vouch for me.
3 sessions in, I send the compensation request form in. I get a reply saying they need a police report on it. I didn't panic since I was told there are always checks and police reports aren't absolutely necassary for adult victims. So I called the number on the letter and eventually talked with a lady. She said I could not receive help unless I had reported while I was still a child. Minors can file a report at any time until they are 18. She said I was ineligible for assistance. And when I called back and rechecked, I was told I would have to report the perp if I wanted assistance now. I don't want to do that. Maybe my hate hasn't come forth, but I never intended on making his life hell just to get free therapy.
Suggestions? Experience with this?


Top
#27118 - 12/09/02 08:11 PM Re: problems with paying for therapy
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
I have not experienced anything like this. I see that they need to make sure that a person really was a victim. But I would not think it necessary to have to file a police report.

There is one thing that strikes me though. I wonder if you might not want to report the perp since he most likely in perping other kids now. That would be your purpose, not getting free therapy.

Sorry that they are makling it so complicated for you.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

Top
#27119 - 12/09/02 09:10 PM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
I also was directed to the victims assistance area at my local police dept. However, I was told that for my case to procede that I needed to file a report. The perp that I filed against was dead .... so there is nothing that can be done to him and he can't hurt anyone else. If you get a decent cop and he is compassionate ... he will help you with filling out the paper work. All I can say is that the laws need to be changed. Right now the laws are designed to protect the perps and re-victimize the victim.

Good luck with it all. I know that I am fighting a losing battle with my insurance company and trying to get them to pay for the therapy that I have been paying OUTRAGEOUS premiums for.

Take care

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#27120 - 12/09/02 10:27 PM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Perhaps I was quite fortunate but I found a non-profit organization called the Center Against Sexual Abuse/Assult (CASA). This is in Phoenix but there must be more of these organizations around the country. They operate on a sliding scale so I only pay $15. I find it well worth the price. Good luck,
mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

Top
#27121 - 12/10/02 12:20 AM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Thad Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/28/01
Posts: 1752
Loc: Oakland, CA
Each state runs their programs a bit different, however, in CA I have been involved in filing a claim many years later for someone who was 18. No police report was made but there was evidence of sexual trauma from previous therapy and reports in his social services file - it is in the process now of being submitted and considered.
It is true that I was also told that there had to be a police report - however - it was a policy guideline that was an interpretation of the law concerning relief and was something that could be challenged on the basis of the fact that the policy excluded a common symptom of abuse, after revealed trauma.

_________________________
"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin
"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

Top
#27122 - 12/10/02 03:33 AM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Mark S Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
Fhorns.

I feel slightly odd replying to your post. I'm a UK citizen so feel I'm not qualified to know your laws etc.

I do however find it distressing that your system is so weighed against the victim, I thought it was bad enough over here.

Whilst I hear and understand that it would be great if you were able to report your perp for the sake of others, that is not your problem!!! It may sound selfish but you/we have to keep ourselves safe. As I have said in other post my perp was a male nurse. He may still be active he may not. If people had told of his actions before he got to me, (I was obviously not his first), I wouldn't have had all those years of hell. If I had been able to tell sooner I may have saved others from his vile acts. For ages I felt guilty that he may still be active. Then my therapist reminded me that I have to keep myself safe in order to function. As I say in an ideal world we would all find the inner strenght, courage, etc to confront our perp, we don't live in an ideal world and many of us are only just finding the courage, inner strength to look after ourselves.

Over here in the UK, I found a therapist through a charitable organisation. They asked for donations based on what I could afford. Which wasn't very much as I'm a disabled wheel chair user. I was in Therapy for almost two years and the cost wasn't bought up once. I only hope such orgnisations exist where you are.

Good luck in your endeavours.

Mark S


Top
#27123 - 12/10/02 04:41 AM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Ross Offline
Member

Registered: 06/18/02
Posts: 34
Loc: Vancouver, BC Canada
Hi Fhorns:

Kind of a tough place to be. Never a clear path with abuse. Incest is especially tough to deal with I think.

Contrary to some, I agree that an official complaint should be made. I say this because from reading various American state statutes it is my understanding there is often no statute of limitations for child sexual abuse, particularly for first degree sexual abuse.

In addition it helps too ensure the abuser, if living, is not abusing others.

I also think it validates the victim if handled correctly by authorities. I hope you get support and someone to help advocate for you where you live. Therapy really helped me.

Sincerely

Ross


Top
#27124 - 12/10/02 07:21 AM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Fhorns.
I don't know how things work down there in FL. but up here in MN the catholic church was reaching out to all victims of sexual abuse not just those abused by the church, I would give the victims advcate at the local diocese a call. They are helping all people up here in ST. Paul maybe they will do the same in FL. Good luck Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

Top
#27125 - 12/10/02 11:14 AM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Roy Offline
Member

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
I think it is important to make some distinctions here. Rules and procedures are in place to make sure the limited amount of money available for such things actually goes to serve those who are most in need due to their being sexually abused or assaulted. Otherwise anyone could say they had been victimized in this way and they would get free therapy. That's not the same as re-victimization or protecting perpetrators. Who's going to pay for it? The larger issue here is a national healthcare system like the rest of the civilized world has but that is a different conversation altoghether.

Sleepy Mike, the resource you found in Phoenix sounds great but is unfortunately and not surprisingly rare throughout the US. A few like it in places here and there but not much. We need a lot more like it thats for sure. Good luck with this fhorns, going through this must be very frustrating.


Top
#27126 - 12/10/02 12:35 PM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Sleepy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
Roy,
It would be nice if MS had a list of these organizations. Maybe they do. But it would be nice to have a quick link to them. Does anyone in the administration know more about this?
mike

_________________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

Top
#27127 - 12/10/02 06:45 PM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I have the same experience as Mark here in the UK.

It's a tale of bad news / good news here.
The bad news is that our National Health ( free service ) provides little or no therapy for people like us, the therapy they provide is done by 'general' therapists and you can wait a long time to see one

The good news is we have a terrific network of charity organizations that provide rape / abuse counselling or therapy. And like Mark says you pay what you can. I work there now, and I know it costs about $60 per hour absolute minimum to keep the service going. But we generally get very little direct off the client.
The National Health does pay for some who are reffered from a doctor, the rest of the shortfall is made from donations and tireless fundraising.

It's a precarious system, but a good one because it's driven from the bottom by people who are concerned and commited.
All we need is better funding.

The system you describe where you need police records to substantiate your claim is dreadful, and seems solely designed to keep people out of expensive therapy.
Who dreamed that one up - some tight-wad politician I guess ?

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#27128 - 12/11/02 10:10 AM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Mark S Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/02
Posts: 130
Loc: England
Dave.

I agree wholeheartedly with your views on therapy being offered by those that care over here. Even if you are lucky enough to be offered therapy by our NHS, (free at the point of delivery) and that therapist is compitent with the issue's that surround survivors, you only get six sessions then your out on your ear.

I'm a little suprised though, that the charity you work with are given funding via G.P. referals. When I suggested that my G.P. might like to help fund my charity (which is REALLY struggling for cash). I was met with nothing but empty looks. Maybe you could give me a few pointers.

I too was alarmed at the notion of having to file a report against a perp to qualify for funding. I actually find that coercieve and abusive in itself. I know I don't feel confident enough to confront my perp. And I'm reasonably well adjusted, (some may argue) after almost two years of therapy. Had I been forced to confront him at the outset of my therapy, well all I know is I wouldn't be here now.

Mark S


Top
#27129 - 12/11/02 11:19 PM Re: problems with paying for therapy
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
as for turning him in-----------turning one of my perps in was very difficult, he was still hurting others, if for any reason to turn them in is to stop further abuse and hope they get help.

Sometime perps are relieved once they are caught because they do not know how to stop.

dont look at it as free counseling, you deserve to heal also, many children do not report. I feel that that is an extreamly dumb to require a report as a child in order to recieve help through counseling for the adult survivor. I waited till I was 30.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By the way I had free counseling through abuse programs at the YWCA.

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#27130 - 12/12/02 12:28 AM Re: problems with paying for therapy
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
I also do volunteer work at a local rape crisis center and they offer peer support and low cost/no cost counseling for survivors of either sex. There have been about 5 or 6 calls from men in the year or so that I've been there mostly adults molested as children. I know from personal experience that it is not easy to admit to being assaulted and ask for help even if it happened a long time ago. There are more enlightened rape crisis centers around that recognize that men can be victims too. I hope that you can find one that can help.

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.