Newest Members
kk90, Austintexan, Cancan, LS, PaulnMA
12256 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
ByondClosedDoors (41), Dave1425 (32), DeafDavid (23), LowSky (57)
Who's Online
2 registered (Obi, 1 invisible), 35 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12256 Members
73 Forums
63118 Topics
441400 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#270851 - 01/11/09 05:29 PM Reaction to cruelty
martian Offline


Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 8
Loc: Purgatory
For as long as I remember I have had an involuntary sexual reaction to cruelty.
Often when I witness cruelty I experience the same bodily reaction as when I get sexually aroused.
I always feel my blood pump to my penis twice.

This cruelty can be anything (mostly on TV) from inflicting pain on another, humiliation, physically hurting someone, usually in situations where the perpetrator has power over the victim.

Other than these bodily reactions I don't have anything with cruelty, sexual or otherwise or S&M or anything like that.

My older brother however, has displayed joy in being cruel to other people all his life and as his little brother I was his favorite target.
Also my father had (probably still has) a secret interest in S&M.

I was wondering if I am the only one who experiences crazy things like this or if anyone here is experiencing any bodily reactions like this.

_________________________
Empty as I am.

Top
#270859 - 01/11/09 06:01 PM Re: Reaction to cruelty [Re: martian]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
It is probably not an unusual reaction. Many of us have similar problems with porn or with violent porn. It seems that we become sexually aroused seeing abuse combined with remembering our own abuse. It may be that we experienced sexual pleasure when we were abused and are confused by our bodily reaction to abuse. Your bodily reaction to violent stimuli is most likely related to some pleasure that you experienced when abused or some degree or fear which manifests itself in a bodily reaction to the stimuli, much as a churning stomach does. Remember, what happened to you wasn't your fault. You were a child who did not have the ability to consent to sexual contact and you were dependent on the adults around you for your safety and welfare. A physical bodily reaction to fear caused by getting triggered by violent stimuli is not unusual in CSA survivors.

This too shall pass eventually as you work towards your freedom through your recovery.

Have hope,

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#387643 - 02/28/12 03:37 PM Re: Reaction to cruelty [Re: Trucker51]
martian Offline


Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 8
Loc: Purgatory
Thank you for your reply Trucker51.
I now understand that these reactions are similar to the 'body memories' I experience when confronted with pain or injuries and all the strange associations in my mind.
I am sorry it took me three years to post a reply here.
Hopefully some day I will be able to tell my story.

_________________________
Empty as I am.

Top
#387715 - 02/29/12 01:33 AM . [Re: martian]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 11:27 PM)

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.