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#270268 - 01/07/09 07:11 PM He was the best friend I'd ever had
loberhead Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 172
He moves throughout the world
Like a sandstorm on the Sahara,
He is the Nile that flows forever
Cutting a wound across the land.

He'll be your friend before you know him,
He'll have your trust before its earned;
But soon he will wander, again
Breaking the hearts of all he has known.

When we moved in, he noticed me.
He was the best friend I'd ever had,
And then one day he told me to go away
Didn't think I'd ever feel that bad.

Where did you go? Why did you lie?
Why didnít you even want to say goodbye?
Was it really so easy to trade me
For another child, another friend?

There are times I wanted to call you
And times I wanted to see you, again
You were the first person I looked up to,
Back when I was just a little kid.

I donít tell people that I still miss you,
Because they think what you did was wrong.
But, they donít understand what love is
And that true love is supposed to hurt.

I donít remember all the strangers
That Iíve done things you taught me to do.
Thereís been more than I can number,
But I still remember you.


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#270280 - 01/07/09 08:14 PM Re: He was the best friend I'd ever had [Re: loberhead]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Chris,

It's a brave thing you've done here. It's important to own our feelings, whatever they may be. That's where our recovery has to start, and if we can't be honest with ourselves, how are we to make progress?

And you're certainly not alone in missing the abuser and having feelings for him. That often happens, and those feelings can remain even when we begin to realize how terribly wrong the abuse was. I remember when the man who abused me was caught and sent packing, I was soon feeling a terrible sense of loss. I wondered what was wrong with me that he didn't want me anymore. Was I that stupid? That ugly? That undesirable? I felt abandoned and rejected. I was 14.

But eventually, Chris, you will see the real tragedy here. Billy could have been a cool mentor, a true big brother, someone you could have looked up to and been safe with. Unfortunately, he chose otherwise. But that wasn't your fault, just as none of the rest of it was your fault.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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