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#270149 - 01/06/09 07:48 PM Wow what a website!
hopeforhim Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 4
First off, let me say I am so grateful I found this place today. I am an ex-wife, of a survivor. We are divorced, but still very much love each other. I feel as though the issues with his traumatic experience are to blame for the majority of our problems.

His experience was due to a stepfather, about 7 years he lived through this hell. His mother was not a participant, but was aware, of his, his sister's, and his half brother's abuse. She never tried to stop it, never tried to get them out of the house, never did anything to prevent this horror.

Not only was there sexual abuse, but also mental, and physical abuse to all three kids. His half brother was the son to his mother's and stepfather's union.

I can't even begin to imagine 3 helpless children being subjected to the terrors he put them through. To hear some of the things that happened, I don't even think a movie could be quite so awful.

At this point, I must salute all here who have suffered this, you are amazing to have endured.

We are in the NE part of Oklahoma, and its difficult at best to find any resources. We were divorced about 2 years ago, but got back together about 6 months ago. In the past month, he has shut me out again, and I'm not sure why, except that when he started feeling safe and loved again, his insecurities kicked in and forced him to run.

Everything I've read seems to suggest his is a typical response to love, affection, and the idea that he IS a good man, and has self worth.

I am hoping I can bring him to this website, and perhaps he can find others that share in his story, and can aid in his healing.

I have already read several topics, and can find so much familiarity in reading others' stories.

Thank you again.


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#270151 - 01/06/09 08:02 PM Re: Wow what a website! [Re: hopeforhim]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6607
Loc: FEMA Region 1
May I suggest something that helps out many folks? (yes Rob, you may). Order the book "Victims No Longer" by Mike Lew. Its available through our bookstore via our amazon links. In fact, I recommend that you order it yesterday!

Happy/Sorry to have you aboard!

_________________________
Hell needs firewood too ya know!

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#270152 - 01/06/09 08:03 PM Re: Wow what a website! [Re: hopeforhim]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
hopeforhim,

First of all, welcome to malesurvivor.

Second, YOU ROCK!!! I put my wife through hell while trying do deal with the pain of my past. Her never ending love for me gave me the strength and courage I needed to get help. She has been my rock for over 30 years now. So you hang in there. You can't fix him but you can be there for him.

Love ya
Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#270155 - 01/06/09 08:10 PM Re: Wow what a website! [Re: Still]
hopeforhim Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 4
Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
May I suggest something that helps out many folks? (yes Rob, you may). Order the book "Victims No Longer" by Mike Lew. Its available through our bookstore via our amazon links. In fact, I recommend that you order it yesterday!

Happy/Sorry to have you aboard!


Thank you and as soon as I can, I will order this.. am in the process of trying to find him the right counselor, he has expressed a desire to see someone and I am on a mission to find someone.


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#270156 - 01/06/09 08:19 PM Re: Wow what a website! [Re: Derdlecar]
hopeforhim Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 4
Originally Posted By: Derdlecar
hopeforhim,

First of all, welcome to malesurvivor.

Second, YOU ROCK!!! I put my wife through hell while trying do deal with the pain of my past. Her never ending love for me gave me the strength and courage I needed to get help. She has been my rock for over 30 years now. So you hang in there. You can't fix him but you can be there for him.

Love ya
Darrel


Thank you.. he has told me over the years, I am the only person he has ever been able to confide in and talk to. He has been able to retrieve repressed memories since being with me, and now I feel as though he needs help more than ever. He has never gotten any counseling, and I believe he is at a time in life that he has to do this to deal with life.

I love him too much to ever give up on him, I refuse to let him fall through the cracks, he is one of the strongest men I've ever known, and I cannot convince him of this. It is so painful for me personally to know that this monster caused him so much pain, and he never got prosecuted for it. The sister testified against the stepfather a couple of years ago, he had been caught picking up juveniles and taking them home. He was never convicted. Apparently he plead out.

One of the milder stories about my ex and his sister: they were little, about 8-9 years old, the stepfather took them outside, told them he was going to teach them how to shoot a .22, had some coffee cans lined up on fenceposts.. told them to shoot the cans, after they had shot the cans several times, he told them to go grab the coffee cans.. there were kittens in each can..

One time his stepfather had the idea to teach my ex how to swim.. he was about 9 or so, the stepfather threw him in the pool, jumped in after him, and held him to the bottom of the pool with his foot. To this day, my ex has only managed to go swimming with me one time in 8 years.

There are so many stories he has told me..


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#270161 - 01/06/09 09:28 PM Re: Wow what a website! [Re: hopeforhim]
NatureDrum Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 116
hopeforhim,

My hat off to you for the love and support you give your ex. I am glad he is open to seeing a counselor and is taking steps to work through this. I wish you both well on this part of your journey together.

Peace to you and your relations,
Nat(ureDrum)

_________________________
Negotiating the treaty for peace of mind.

My Story

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#270250 - 01/07/09 03:01 PM Re: Wow what a website! [Re: hopeforhim]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
You can take a look at:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/resource-directory.php

And be sure to read "The Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping" before calling anyone.

Ken


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