There was a group of people who made me strip naked and to sit in a circle. I was told that I was a god they were worshiping. They "worshiped" me my forcing me to do and receive sex acts. In every way that they raped and molested me they said that they would become virginal in that sense once again.

So, it would go like this..
Cultist#1: "Oh, my god, let me drink from your body, so that I may be pure once more." Then, he would force me to let him suck me off. After that, things would be weird, and I would feel very good.

Cultist#2: "Oh, my god, I beg of you to drink of my body so that your sweet licks may make my vessel clean." Then, I would have to give him a blow job.

Cultist#3: "Oh, my god, whom I worship, please let me make love to you so that I may be a virgin once again." Then we would frot, which means we would rub penises together.

If I wanted to, I could choose to have the rapes one after the other end in an orgy (called "blessing") which would allow them to all have sex with eachother and myself so they could re-groom me.

I realize now from my adult mindset that this was a horrible, gruesome thing. But, I feel like it was so sweet and kind. I feel like it was romantic.. I feel like they made love to me. Somehow, I feel like I'm a victim. I'm definitely in denial , because if someone were looking over my shoulder while I wrote this I would say that they didn't do anything wrong.

I miss performing orally, and frotting the best... It was all an empty, evil and shallow thing that makes me feel aroused at being brutalized. I miss it. I want it .

I'm a faggot . I don't know how to describe it. I have such feelings of affection and attraction towards those guys. I was married to so many men as a young boy . I just don't getit. Why would they divorce me . WHy

Some times, if one of them were mad, they would "Divorce" me by raping me brutally.. but then, I was told that if I wanted them to love me again, or if I ever loved them, that I could invite them to the ceremonies again.