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#269264 - 12/29/08 10:50 PM Get over it
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
As some of you might know I don't have what people call a healthy relationship with my family, what's even more acurate when talking about my father. We've always had our disagreements about everything and most of the times our opinions diverge he makes sure I stick with his in the end (so I don't have to go to sleep with parts of my body changing colour to green/purple/black hues).

Thing is because of this I've learnt how to keep myself under the radar so that I won't have to pay for it. But there comes the time when I happen to be the main source of jokes of the night. Tonight while dinner my father brought up my disclosure into the subject. I just stood there speechless while they made fun of every single detail that has made me completely insane over all this time.

Between some gross remarks (like "I really think all of this wouldn't be a problem if you would just get a girlfriend and have quality sex." - is that what you're supposed to say to your 16 yo son?!) to top it off the most supid comment was from my cousin, the great question "Aren't you over that yet?"

Seriously, all that I wanted when I heard that was to storm out of there or just disappear or to spill the contents of my stomach. I just can't believe people can really think like that. Like as if it was very easy. As if all that I had to do was to press a delete buttom and forget it all. FUCK!

Sure. No problem. I'll get over it. How do I do it?

Excuse me if I sound like a cliche, but I'm a person and not a machine. I just don't know what people want from me. That I just forget and move on? When those things used to happen it wasn't like I lost a five pounds note, you know, something that you lost that has a value but that you don't really care about it. It's more like as if I had lost something irreplaceble, some part of myself that I don't know how to live without. How can I get over it? What fucking nerve do they have to ask that of me?

_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



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#269275 - 12/30/08 12:01 AM Re: Get over it [Re: user2007]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 422
Loc: Louisiana
God I love that statement, FUCK YOU I WON I SURVIVED!


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#269278 - 12/30/08 12:14 AM Re: Get over it [Re: sportinrucks]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
J, hang in there. That sounds fucking awful to deal with. In my experience if I didn't have my family to rely on or talk to I had a couple very close friends that I had known for a long time, as well as some neighbors I was also very close with. They almost adopted me as a (fifth) son. If you have people like that in your life and your family isn't giving you shit to work with, go to them. Find somebody who can understand you.


In the meantime, take as much as you need to feel better. If you need to be alone, be alone. You need to take as much time for your own personal self as you can until you feel better. If shits rough right now, look for the best support you can find, grit your teeth, and just survive until you can find a better place.

If your being beaten up physically by your Dad, you gotta tell somebody and get yourself out of there, call the cops, whatever you can do. My Dad used to catch beatings all the time, and then one day his old man went to cane him and my Dad grabbed the cane, broke it in half, and threw his pop into a chair and more or less told him to piss off. That was back in the 70's though when the police weren't quite so uptight about domestic disturbances. Stay strong, I wish I could help you more than just typing these words here, but this is all I can do for you. Please keep on keeping on.


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#269289 - 12/30/08 01:11 AM Re: Get over it [Re: AndyS87]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Greetings, J. Yes people can be cruel, be it "family" or friends. Nobody ever knew about my secret, I didn't have a real family, be it aunts,uncles or cousins. Didn't have a "mother" as she was my first sexual abuser. But I had kept my secret buried for 55+ years. The fist and only real friends two that I have/had (then) were retired military (like me) and on the 1st of August of this year little Peter came to the surface, he reminded me about our lost childhood and the total range of abuse, sexual, physical, emotional and mental perpertrated upon me by my "mother". Then came a "friend" of the family, and then came the total strangers. So unlike you whom is trying to deal and come to terms with yourself at a young age, and are looking for some support from those whom you had thought loved you, is pretty rough. Me I'm an old boy just now trying to find his way too. So tell those people to just F**K off. Find some REAL friends, like those of us right here. We will never judge you, we will never ridicule you. But I and others here will offer you compassion, understanding and love. I wish you well in your recovery. Heal well my friends/brothers.
Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#269296 - 12/30/08 04:57 AM Re: Get over it [Re: petercorbett]
SurviveManc1 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/30/08
Posts: 80
Loc: Manchester, UK
J, i hear you mate.

I never seem to quite get to the bottom of the "Get over it" or begin to understand why anyone would say that.

When a couple split up, people never say "Get Over It" so why the fuck would one say that to a lad thats been sexually abused??

I'm not very "Family Friendly" at the moment, so i dont want to offend you or anyone, but it sounds to me like its an accute case of "families being cunts!"

I noticed your UK too like me (so we're in same time zone).

PM me if you wanna chat mate.

_________________________
The more you refuse to hear my voice, the louder i will sing! - Labi Saffre

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#269407 - 12/30/08 05:49 PM Re: Get over it [Re: SurviveManc1]
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
Thanks for the response, guys. I know I can always count on you. Right now there's no one around me who I can sincerely trust but I hope things will get better soon.

I really appreciate all you have done for me.

J.

_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



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#269425 - 12/30/08 08:46 PM Re: Get over it [Re: user2007]
blueshound Offline


Registered: 09/21/08
Posts: 14
Loc: Ontario, Canada
For what it's worth J_McCormick, the person I needed to learn to trust was me.

I realize now that the reason I had a hard time trusting other people is that I couldn't trust myself. I had a hard time forgiving myself, letting go of the shame and guilt. It's still there, just not as strong anymore.

It's a combination of time and the work I've been doing on myself (not consistently, I've fallen back into old behaviours/bad habits many times). But it does get better.

_________________________
blueshound

You're stronger than you believe you are.

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