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#140507 - 02/06/07 09:21 AM Re: How do you know? [Re: jj2000]
jj2000 Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/06/07
Posts: 6
I'm Sorry if I offended anyone, that was not my entetion. I guess I sholdn't have jumped on the board so fast God bless, have a nice night.


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#140513 - 02/06/07 09:49 AM Re: How do you know? [Re: jj2000]
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Hi jj2000,


sometimes it can take a while here till someone responds to a post...I'm sure you didn't offend anyone.


I don't have the answers to give you, they will all be within you, and I'm sure a good therapist would help you to understand your attractions more.



peace
Beccy


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#140527 - 02/06/07 01:20 PM Re: How do you know? [Re: beccy]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
JJ,

A lot of people tend to think of sexuality as 1/0 on/off black/white. It's not that simple.

Gay, Straight, Bi... it's all a label that restricts us and binds us to someone elses expectations. In my opinion, humans are sexual. Everything else is just a detail.

Your attractions are something that you can work with in counseling. It may be that your attraction to men is a residual result from the abuse. I don't know. That is something you'll have to discover as time goes on.

Welcome to the site. \:\)


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#140537 - 02/06/07 04:34 PM Re: How do you know? [Re: jj2000]
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
Hey, jj
yep, we're here. just perhaps not at the same time zone! yes, it all stems from your abuse. You are normal. You aren't alone. It affects the vast majority of guys who have been abused - some more than others.
I would take those feelings as signs of where you really are. If your experiences with guys makes you feel dirty, those are your feelings. If you feel better with women, that's a strong sign as well. Do you have a therapist? this stuff is hard to sort out alone.
Paul


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#140542 - 02/06/07 05:36 PM Re: How do you know? [Re: jj2000]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5773
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Hi ii:
Welcome to MS. Not every post gets answered and not all get responses right away. Please be patient. You have raised a good question that a lot of men around here have discussed in this forum and other ones on the site.

I'm sure you will get some feedback from others.

Ken


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#140553 - 02/06/07 10:36 PM Re: How do you know? [Re: jj2000]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 795
Loc: North Texas
Hi JJ2000, I totally understand you being nervous. Welcome to the board. I am sorry that you needed to find us. Hopefully as you talk to us things will become clearer. I do recommend finding a good therapist that works with male survivors. One of these days I'll have to follow my own advice, until then I am just winging it.

About the feeling disgusting when being with men, and not felling disgusting when being with women. This could just be from social conditioning. Being with a man is bad, and being with a woman is good. Are you straight or gay, I think for now that is less important than to realize that what happened to you, has effected you long term and is still effecting you. Telling us about it will help you to understand and come to terms with it.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#141073 - 02/10/07 10:42 PM Re: How do you know? [Re: Ivanhoe]
dillon Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/02/07
Posts: 55
Loc: california,san deigo
same thing happend to me when i was 4 i was being sexually abused for 11 years when i was 11 i was sexually abused again by a whole diffrent person and i have thoughts about boys but i want to go out with girls so what im trying to say is that ur not alone =)

_________________________
watch this video

[url=link] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSWUYeNDwX0

New video!!

[url=link]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kroz7SmSLTw&mode=related&search=

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#141074 - 02/10/07 10:57 PM Re: How do you know? [Re: dillon]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
dillon,

just want to say welcome to the DB. Glad you were able to find us. Sorry you were abused. It's happened to most of us here, and it hurts. Thanks for chiming in to reassure another person that they are not alone. I can tell from that that you're one of the good guys. Again, welcome.

Safe Hugs,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#141253 - 02/12/07 10:19 AM Re: How do you know? [Re: WalkingSouth]
dillon Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/02/07
Posts: 55
Loc: california,san deigo
thanx =)

_________________________
watch this video

[url=link] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSWUYeNDwX0

New video!!

[url=link]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kroz7SmSLTw&mode=related&search=

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#142639 - 02/21/07 06:32 PM Re: How do you know? [Re: Ivanhoe]
needs2heal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 3
Hey,

I have just read the posts and I am was confused about my sexuality. I was SA by a male and it felt that the choice was taken away. That was until recently when I was finally able to share my story here. For 12 years I remained in denial about the abuse and not to mention, torn between being gay or straight. Since then (telling my story), I have been working on regaining my choice. At the time, it did feel like I had no choice and left me feeling torn between the two, but now I know that the abuse happened to me. With it happening to me, I know that it was not my fault and that I made or had no choice in the matter. Now I am standing up for the child inside of me, that 11 year old boy and I am reclaiming my choice. I get a choice in the matter and I, me, I will make the choice.

I do not know if this helps anyone else. What I feel like I should say is if you feel you had no choice in matter of your sexuality, then NOW, wherever you are, take a stand for that boy that was abused and that lives inside of you; stand up and reclaim that choice for HIM. This is not to say that the road is not hard, it will be, but the boy inside of you deserves it, does he? BY THE WAY, for any females, this works the other way as well.

Stand up and reclaim the choice. You make the decision, do not let anyone make it for you. It is your life.

Sorry for such a long post.

Josh


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