I am reading and doing the exercises in a book called " The Sexual Healing Journey. A guide for Survivor's of Sexual Abuse" by Wendy Maltz. It might be of some help. I am a gay man, but have had your concerns in the past, myself. Take care of yourself and keep hanging on.

My ititial abuse and after effect of self isolation and wanting to be accepted lead to abuse by others. What has happened is the same of many of your stories. I don't want to be attracted to men but I am. Of the 2 times that it consentually happened I blanked out and then was tramatized for weeks. Throwing up, not leaving my apartment, and taking showers until the water tank turned ice cold. The times with girls I feel discussed with myself afterwards and intentually end however long the relatioship had lasted... I wanted to say something more positive but I can't find the words right now.

You Are Doing Just Fine .....Joseph......Let It Out....When You Feel Its Right....It Gets Better......Steve

HEY It looks like in one way or another this has effected all of us. I have had years of unhealthy sex with both gender and since I entered T I have had no sex and I really am not sure what I am going to do. I have alot of issues from being sexually abused by my older brother for years when I was a kid. Sometimes I think I might just stay celibate. GOOD LUCK

Funny you should mention celibacy, that makes me think of a funny story from when I was like 4 or 5. My Mom asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and one day I told her I wanted to be a priest or a monk or something like that and go live in a monastery (godfather and close family friend was actually an archbishop until he passed a few years ago, and I miss him like you wouldn't believe. Back then I was too young to appreciate how wise he was though). Anyways, that became a running joke in the family, but hey, three of my friends who are some of the most religion bashing people I know just became ordained ministers online. Maybe I'll give it a shot (no offense to anybody who is really really religious).


Anyways, maybe that'd be a lot funnier if any of you knew me outside the internet and what a mischievous little shit I am sometimes. My Dad claims that my smart-assery is a lot less annoying now that I'm away at college though.

When I was a youngster I also wanted to be a priest. I had reached a point in my life once, where I actually wanted to have an orchiectomy (removal of the testis) so that my need for sex (which I considered love) would abate. I had lost one testicle as a youngster due to physical abuse and had a prosthetic put in place as an adult.. I was newly married and failing miserably at it. I was dealing with some identity issues and was sick of it all. I actually tried to strangle my testicle so it would die. I was not successful and took to drinking large amounts until I got some help.

YEah, I never went that far myself. Well maybe passively, my twin sisters favorite thing to do from fifth-8th grade if I really pissed her off was to give me a swift kick in the nads, and I pissed her off A LOT. Then there was the whole thing where I never used to wear a cup when I was sparring, so you can imagine how that ended. I've actually gotten pretty good at taking groin shots. I just hope I don't end up sterile.


Funny thing about that too is I'm Eastern Orthodox, you can make it all the way up to high priest and still be married. Bishop or higher tho you gotta be celibate.




Sry, I feel like I hijacked the thread.