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#268569 - 12/24/08 11:38 AM No longer feel shame, quite the opposite in fact
mrrecovery Offline


Registered: 07/22/08
Posts: 80
Ok, the shame is gone. I no longer think i was bad (shame = 'i was bad" while guilt = "I behaved badly")...I no longer think that people (women in particular) will view me negatively if they know about the abuse...quite the opposite, in fact. As crazy as it sounds, i feel superior...that i am REAL, that i have SURVIVED...what? you are upset because your neighbour hasn't cut his lawn? fuck you, i was sexually abused and tortured and lived through it (and other shit) to become highly successful, and more importantly, a good person.

I feel like the mutants in the X-Men...I feel myself referring to "civilians" (non-survivors) the same way they used to say "humans" with such disdain...i find myself wanting to socialize only with other survivors..i have started wearing my malesurvivor wristband (that i got at a weekend of recovery) and i have the urge to tell everyone that i am a SURVIVOR (no, not a victim)...most importantly, last night my therapist and i simultaneously came to the conclusion that i am losing my "victim" attitude and my "poor me" control mechanism (per the Celestine Prophecies).

I am a SURVIVOR.

mrrecovery

_________________________
WoR Alumni - Mysthaven Nov 7-9, 2008; Advanced WoR - Alta Sept 11-13, 2009, Mike Lew Victims No Longer Workshop 2010, Malesurvivor International Conference 2010

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#268570 - 12/24/08 11:43 AM Re: No longer feel shame, quite the opposite in fact [Re: mrrecovery]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
yay you! mr grin

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#268571 - 12/24/08 11:46 AM Re: No longer feel shame, quite the opposite in fact [Re: Sans Logos]
mrrecovery Offline


Registered: 07/22/08
Posts: 80
thank you!

_________________________
WoR Alumni - Mysthaven Nov 7-9, 2008; Advanced WoR - Alta Sept 11-13, 2009, Mike Lew Victims No Longer Workshop 2010, Malesurvivor International Conference 2010

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#268584 - 12/24/08 02:02 PM Re: No longer feel shame, quite the opposite in fact [Re: mrrecovery]
GettingHealthy Offline


Registered: 12/20/08
Posts: 3
That is AWESOME! Right on man!

Your post really gave me hope for the future. I am beginning therapy Monday, and I think that is exactly what I needed to read.

Thanks for sharing! Congratulations!!


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#268586 - 12/24/08 02:17 PM Re: No longer feel shame, quite the opposite in fact [Re: GettingHealthy]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Good to hear it. Keep up the good work. Eventually you will get to a point where what happened will not affect you or your future decisions, and you can feel good about yourself and move on without the hang-over of your past affecting your every move.

Hope to hear from you again. Keep your head up and have hope,

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#268596 - 12/24/08 04:51 PM Re: No longer feel shame, quite the opposite in fact [Re: Trucker51]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
A ray of hope! Thanks!


_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#268609 - 12/24/08 09:39 PM Re: No longer feel shame, quite the opposite in fact [Re: mrrecovery]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
I'm looking down on you, you know why, with a great big, east, west grin grin. I'm on your right hand side, and I am SO happy for you!

Merry Christmas Mr. R. You're fantatstic!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#268613 - 12/24/08 09:49 PM Re: No longer feel shame, quite the opposite in fact [Re: Geeders]
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
Hi mr,

The shame is not yours anymore. Good you are at that point that you can let go of the shame and put it where it belongs.

Yes, You are a survivor. I stopped playing the victim card also and moved on looking toward the positives in life.

Your post gives me a renewed strength.

Your survior brother, Jim

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#268616 - 12/24/08 09:57 PM Re: No longer feel shame, quite the opposite in fa [Re: GettingHealthy]
mrrecovery Offline


Registered: 07/22/08
Posts: 80
Originally Posted By: GettingHealthy
That is AWESOME! Right on man!

Your post really gave me hope for the future. I am beginning therapy Monday, and I think that is exactly what I needed to read.

Thanks for sharing! Congratulations!!


thank you. I have been in individual therapy for 6+ years...things have accelerated DRAMATICALLY since i attended a Weekend of Recovery last month..I have since joined group therapy, purchased several books, and am in regular contact with other survivors (and of course spend time here).

I was going to suggest that you attend a WoR as soon as possible but i will hold off on that...i don't think i would have benefitted as much from it had i gone earlier in my recovery...the foundation needs to be there.

In any case, i am definitely seeing a (positive) change in myself...


thanks to all for your support...it is appreciated.

mrrecovery



Edited by mrrecovery (12/24/08 09:59 PM)
_________________________
WoR Alumni - Mysthaven Nov 7-9, 2008; Advanced WoR - Alta Sept 11-13, 2009, Mike Lew Victims No Longer Workshop 2010, Malesurvivor International Conference 2010

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