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#199088 - 01/11/08 08:02 PM This site SUCKS for changing my post title
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
that if a man rapes a boy, the abuser therefore is homosexual, and I am tired of hearing others ignore this fact, making excuses. I had to post this. I'm tired hearing that my abusers were heterosexuals, when it's clearly untrue.



Edited by none (12/11/08 05:18 PM)

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#199095 - 01/11/08 08:29 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I am sorry it is uncomfortable to you to hear such. But I think it is quite truth that many abusers of 'same gender' sexual abuse really are what is to be thought 'heterosexual'. I think that is because in thought and emotion, sexual abuse and rape, it is more about 'control' and 'power' then about the actual act of sex. That is my understanding of it. I do not know nothing of your abusers, of what orientation they was. But I do not think it impossible that they could have been male and still be considered 'heterosexual'. I am not 'making excuses' for any one or anything. It is just how I understand of it. I could much be wrong, I am sure.

And welcome to here.

Andrei



Edited by ak (01/11/08 08:29 PM)

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#199097 - 01/11/08 08:45 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: ak]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
control and power? this is something a psychiatrist would tell a patient so he or she won't feel so bad about what actually happened, yea control and power has something to do with it, but has to do more with sex, and once a male does something that is considered sexual with another male, no matter what age, (except if he is being forced or something like that), then he's homosexual or might also be bisexual but no longer heterosexual, it's no longer possible


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#199109 - 01/11/08 09:10 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I will not argue it with you at all. I am sure there is other people who will have their opinions, and who will have more experience and knowledge of medical studies and such. I do think that you are seeing it very 'black and white', and in my mind, I still believe it is more about power then sex. But that is just mine own thoughts. You will believe what will help you deal of it, just as I do. I wish you good luck.

andrei


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#199112 - 01/11/08 09:37 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: ak]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
What of the man who rapes a boy while he is married to a woman for several years with two kids of his own? That's more often the case than not in my experience with offenders.

It all depends on if they're "fixated" pedophiles or not. A lot of offenders have feelings for adults and kids, and sometimes the adult attraction is of the opposite sex.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#199124 - 01/11/08 10:47 PM Re: The way I see it [Re: AndyJB2005]
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I don't think my uncle was a homosexual or heterosexual. I think he was a pedophile!


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#199132 - 01/12/08 12:31 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: JasonSmalls]
none Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/11/08
Posts: 38
My uncle was arrested for molesting a neighbor kid when I was younger. I did catch him watching gay porn once. That itself does not make a homosexual. He was a pedophile of course, and also a bisexual- he was into women, and on the other hand, into little boys.


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#199150 - 01/12/08 04:40 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: none]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi none,
Originally Posted By: none
that if a man rapes a boy, the abuser therefore is homosexual, and I am tired of hearing others ignore this fact, making excuses. I had to post this. I'm tired hearing that my abusers were heterosexuals, when it's clearly untrue.


Question, if a homosexual man in a fit of rage, rapes a girl does that convert him into a heterosexual?
I was raped in 1968 when I was 11, by a stranger. At that time the meaning of rape was when a man was so over come by lust, that he took a woman by force. It took me a few years to hear about homosexuals. I immediately took the old meaning of rape and updated it to include homosexuals, I finally understood what had happen to me. I continued to think this way until 1992. In 1992 I tried to tell the navy that I felt that my lack of performance was due to the rape effecting me. They did not buy this and forced me out of the navy. Being that the navy would not help me. I finally broke down and bought a book about rape.
That book was Recovery by Helen Benedict , My copy of the book came out in 1985. On page 155 in my book they talk about child molesters as being 83% heterosexual, for me that was very eye opening! I will never know for sure, my rapist was a stranger. What that 83% means to me is that I have conditioned myself to not trust, and to avoid homosexual men. So besides the rape and and the other effects it has had on me. I need to remove this conditioning. One way that I am attempting to do this is by reading the posts in the gay section of this web site.

I strongly suggest reading a good book about rape.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#199151 - 01/12/08 04:50 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: lostcowboy]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
PS: please look at the Table of Contents She has the five myths of rape listed.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#199166 - 01/12/08 10:11 AM Re: The way I see it [Re: lostcowboy]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
none,

The idea that pedophiles are homosexuals is one of the myths of child abuse. The vast majority of convicted abusers of under-age boys identify themselves as heterosexual and do not have sex with other men. They prey on boys, but otherwise their sexual partners are women. Their idea of intimacy and sharing their lives also revolves around women.

The sex involved when an abuser molests a boy is not the same as what takes place between two gay guys. In the first case there is a huge disparity of power and the victim has almost always been tricked or groomed into complying with the abuser's wishes. When two gay guys have sex they are sharing themselves by mutual informed consent.

The professional literature on psychology and child abuse is unanimous on this.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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