Wow....pretty eye opening.....it sounds like there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was forced into adulthood at age 14.....putting up the walls, yet reaching out to anyone or anything for relief. Now, 36 years later, finally realizing how much I missed....always trying to be "secure" while worrying about being abandoned and being afraid...sucks

Anyone have any ideas on how to get the kid (Mikey) back and learn to have fun.....sure gets lonely living in my own prison ......I have not told anyone about the abuse..not ready for that yet.

Sorry for not responding earlier JS. I don't think I have answer to the question, "What is the meaning of maturity?". I heard somewhere from a WoR or read somewhere from a book that it might be a phase where adults lose touch of their inner childs. It would be interesting to know what causes the strange phenomenon regarding the accelerated maturation amongst survivors. I guess the more you know about the truth, the less ignorant (or innocent) you get. Just a thought... Talk amongst yourselves before you get verklempft...

Jay

I think your right about our accelarated maturation. In part it can be credited to adapting to the abuse, which makes me wonder how we as survivors would be different if we weren't.

This question is quite hard for me to answer.

for one thing, as a young child I was always old in one way or another because of my intelligence. i learnt quickly at age 9 or 10, that while I could play ninja turtles and other space games with friends and chat about films or muck about, ---- there werethings I was interested in, ---- music, physics, theology, which were radically different from what other kids were doing.

So, I already started at a miner disadvantage. Then, because my abuse was perpetrated by, and took place around teenagers, I literally never got to do any of the standard teenaged things at all, ---- heck, I stil haven't!

I'm uncomfortable at parties and happier just chatting to people, and I've never been on an honest to goodness date, ---- Evenings out with female friends yes, but a literal date, ---- no.

At uni i've done some fun nd random thigs, --- wandering off into the woods with friends for a bbq. While I always tend to be the safety conscious one, I'm not afraid to do random stuff as well, ---- up to a point.

this includes red hot coal golf into the river, ---- which is bizarre, but good fun.

I can certainly have fun being random and playing games though i come across as serious much of the time.

SometimesI've felt too old for anything, ---- sometimes inexperienced as a new born puppy, it depends upon the situation totally.

I've felt so old that I should be dead, if that's any oonsolation.