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#306130 - 10/12/09 01:20 PM Re: Born old? [Re: Casmir213]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Ding! Count me in as someone who can completely understand... i remember constant comments like, "You're 13-going-on-40!" or "What an 'old soul' you are", etc, etc. I remember being exasperated at what seemed to me the hopelessly trivial concerns of people my own age, and always hanging out with older kids, if not adults.

Of course, on the darker side, that's something my 2nd perp kept telling me... "You're so mature for your age".. i guess it's a two-pronged issue for me. Glad you bumped the thread, Jim.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#306133 - 10/12/09 02:16 PM Re: Born old? [Re: dgoods]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, All.

OMG - This fits me to a T. I so struggle with feeling young and old and all the ages in between and have trouble just being 45.

As a Kid, I wanted to be old so I could rule and take over control as I see it today. Of course as a kid I had to idea.

As A KID, I wanted to be a kid as well. I wanted to run and play and jump around with all the other boys. I wanted to jump in the mud and catch frogs and dress up Ken and Barbie - yes even in the mud.

Well, I can do the above (shhh dont tell anybody but I bought a Ken and Barbie doll a month ago - just to resurrect the lil guy - Donnie) and I am having fun BUT I am 45 and need to act 45.

I can relate and raise my hand to what has been said.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#306134 - 10/12/09 02:19 PM Re: Born old? [Re: DJsport]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
dj,

speaking of being born, i hope you have ken and barbie living in separate boxes........

crazy

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#306137 - 10/12/09 02:35 PM Re: Born old? [Re: dgoods]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted By: dgoods

Of course, on the darker side, that's something my 2nd perp kept telling me... "You're so mature for your age".. i guess it's a two-pronged issue for me. Glad you bumped the thread, Jim.


Oh man, where have I heard THAT before? Were you there too? crazy

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#306140 - 10/12/09 02:56 PM Re: Born old? [Re: Geeders]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
ive been trying to put this issue into words for 2 months and couldnt yet.

i do relate


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#306399 - 10/14/09 01:11 AM Re: Born old? [Re: Geeders]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Geeders,

I can totally relate to what your saying. I have friends (people who don't know about the sa and other abuse) who like to joke that I was never a child based on how serious I am and so focused on the adult world. While it is funny since their perception of me is accurate every time I hear this from them it still hurts a little bit for it reminds me of what I lost in childhood and adolescence. When I question myself about this I fall into a cycle of what does it matter, or why is childhood important anyways. In theory I can answer these questions easily yet on an emotional level it becomes harder. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#306433 - 10/14/09 11:24 AM Re: Born old? [Re: jls]
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 237
Loc: Manhattan
Monsoor!

Great topic dood. Chuck, I've also been told I have an "old soul". Although I'm uber-introverted and introspective in person, I've always been very mature for my age. I met my boyfriend when I was 21 (he was 35) and I was light years ahead of him in terms of maturity. Some of you probably know me as a fool in chat. Whether it's a mask or my inner child at work, there is another side of me that is very serious and mature.

What is the meaning of maturity? Is it synonymous with being wise or accumulating life-experiences? Or is maturity a phase where one loses touch of his or her inner child? Sorry for the ramble. Great topic monsoor.

Jay

_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

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#306543 - 10/15/09 06:44 AM Re: Born old? [Re: GentleSoul]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
"What is the meaning of maturity? Is it synonymous with being wise or accumulating life-experiences? Or is maturity a phase where one loses touch of his or her inner child?"

These are fascinating questions. Please respond.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#306569 - 10/15/09 01:14 PM Re: Born old? [Re: jls]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
I recently came across a baby picture. My wife thinks I must be around 6 months old in it. It's a startling picture because the baby looks, well, old in the eyes. My wife says it's as if the baby is saying "how could you?" It kind of reminds me of one of those old renaissance paintings in which they would give babies adult-like faces. Interestingly enough the look on his face is virtually identical to the look in my first grade picture, or again as my wife says, the look I get on my face when I blank her out when she says I'm not listening or when I know I'm putting on poker face because anything closer to the truth of what I'm feeling would be inappropriate.

OK enough of the baby and kindergarten vibe. Yeah, I always felt old as a young child long before I met my perp, but I think this is really common to children from alcoholic households. You've got heavy stuff to try to deal with and in my case I had my grandmother giving me the guilt trip that I had to make sure and lie to cover up their alcoholism so that no one would know.

Then as those of you who've read some of my other posts about my perp may remember, he insisted I grow up and be his full blown adult partner at 14. I wasn't spending much time with kids my own age because I was always with him. On the few occasions I could, maybe he had something else to do at which there would be no excuse for me being there or whatever, man was it great!!!!!!!!!!

Sure, I thought much of their concerns were childish or more to the point I knew (I now know who can really know about someone else) that they didn't have to deal with the stuff that I did.

Contrast that to being this adult that's suddenly realizing this big part of himself has remained stuck as a teenager...man/child.

It is with that topic and the theft of my own sexuality that I find the first glimmers of anger toward him beginning to form. But that's definitely a different topic.

Thanks Jim for bringing this back to us. I would encourage some of you who have been around here a while to do this more often. It's not only great to have topics to read about which already have tons of posts to their credit, but it's a serious reality check seeing an endless stream of posts, screen names and avatars that no longer appear on the boards today. It's like looking though an old family album with pictures of people you don't know, but everything about them is completely familiar in a way. It makes me feel like I'm part of some tradition, which while it's not one anyone wants to be part of, in that it is a tradition of men taking back their lives from their abusers, it's a proud one indeed of which to be a part.

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#306573 - 10/15/09 01:37 PM Re: Born old? [Re: sono]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada


Edited by Geeders (10/15/09 03:25 PM)
_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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