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#270709 - 01/10/09 05:59 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: 1love4christ]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: 1love4christ
I wanted to ask how you deal with the old age question of: "where were you god when I was being sexually abused and how did you intervene?" this is something i battle with time to time as a victim.

i would like to hear how you deal with this and share anything that helps you that can help me.


nestor,

I have wanted for some time to offer some of my thoughts on this, since I have also struggled with it.

It is a pretty big area and one could write a book about it. In fact there are books about it. I haven't found a good one yet however. That is, the books are not written by and for survivors.

Some of the thoughts that helped me are given below:

Jesus also suffered. He suffered more than I did (or you did).

"The abuses of those who abused you fell upon me" - This is about Jesus.
Psalm 69:9 and Rom 15:3 (Berkely Translation)

Jesus took our pain and suffering upon himself.

Just as we wonder, 'Where were you God? . . . when I got abused? '

Jesus had the same feeling on the cross. Jesus experienced the utmost cruelty and torture on the cross. He didn't deserve it. He asked why God (the Father) had abandoned him.

Matt 27:46
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
NIV (New International Version)

This is also in Psalm 22:1
God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
NIV

It also declares his nakedness:
Ps 22:18 (NIV)
18 They divide my garments among them
and cast lots for my clothing.

Jesus was beaten very badly before the crucifixion.
Matt 27:26
"Then he (Pilate) released Barabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified. NIV

Jesus declared that John the Baptist was a very great man. Yet even though Jesus was not too far away in miles, John was captured and later beheaded by an evil perp named Herod. This shows that evil happens and that Jesus knows and cares.

Matt 11:11 (NIV)

11 I tell you the truth: Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist;


Matt 14:10-12 (NIV)
. . .and had John beheaded in the prison. His head was brought in on a platter and given to the girl, who carried it to her mother. John's disciples came and took his body and buried it. Then they went and told Jesus.

Matt 14:13 (NIV)
When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place.

In other words, Jesus cared deeply. But Jesus did not stop it. It wasn't an accident. God wasn't blind.

So what does this mean for us? Here was a great man, John, who was near in time and place to Jesus. Yet this did not stop the hurt to John. But Jesus cared.

Another biblical account that has helped me is that of the slaughter of the babies (infant boys) in Bethlehem. Here we had innocent young boys who were killed mercilessly and brutally. Herod the perp (the uncle of the Herod who killed John the baptist) ordered them killed to defend his lineage on the throne.

Matt 2:16 (NIV)
When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under. . This caused great suffering by the mothers.

Why does this speak to us who are survivors today? Because here were a bunch of innocent (young) boys who are hurt (killed) by an evil perp. There may have been a hundred baby boys. Did God know? Yes. Did God care? Yes. Did God stop it? No. Are the babies now with God in heaven? Yes.

How is murder different than sexual abuse? You probably already know the answer to this.

A few more thoughts:

God loves children and cares for them.

Matt 18:1-7 (NIV)

1. At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"

2. He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3 And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

5 "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. 6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

And what does Jesus say to perps?

7 "Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!
8 If your hand or your foot causes you to sin cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire.

And the conclusion showing Jesus attitude?
Matt 18:10 (NIV)
"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.

One other biblical account on this. I have found this account emotionally moving and helpful. The boy Ishmael was 13 years old and was exiled with his mother to the desert:

Gen 21:14-18 (NIV)

Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the desert of Beersheba.

When the water in the skin was gone, she put the boy under one of the bushes. Then she went off and sat down nearby, about a bowshot away, for she thought, "I cannot watch the boy die." And as she sat there nearby, she began to sob.

God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation."

Here God heard the boy crying. God heard his suffering and his grief, and answered. The boy hadn't really even prayed as far as we know. It was a desperate cry.

I hope this helps

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#270973 - 01/12/09 01:08 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: nathan555]
Juni Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 502
Loc: Florida, WPB
Hi Nathan,

You are a deep person and I thank you for your candor. We could all learn a lesson from you.

There is a dark side to all of us. We are but human born to humans with a long line of sin through the ages. Human nature is enmity towards God. This comes from Adam. We will not rid ourselves of it until JC’s return. That is a reality.

Like Paul we have a thorn and as Paul discovered, God’s grace is sufficient for us. It has to be, because it makes us who we are. We can not undo or erase our life's experiences along with it's consequences. We have to take our cross and live life the best way we can, through faith. This is how our faith is strengthened, through our reliance on his grace, forgiveness, and any miracle He gives us. The day we stop depending on God is the day our faith begins to die.

This may be difficult to accept at first, however, you are unique and special. God accepts you as you are. He can use you. You will be a light and hope for those who need it. Men will see the way you gain strength through your faith and God’s ability to help you get through each day, despite yourself, and this will encourage and help other men build-up their faith.

Our bad side may not go away but we can increase our good side of the wall to the point where it will overshadow the bad and you will find yourself with good impulses to the point where you won’t engage in the bad. I am a testament to that. I used to engage in all kinds of destructive behaviors and acting-out and today I am so much better, not perfect just better. It’s a daily battle as it was for Paul who said, “For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice” Romans 7:19. The goal then is to do engage in the battle daily by seeking strength from God who gives us “a way of escape” that we need to overcome daily, sometimes hourly, and by engaging in good service freely without expecting recompense.

My two cents.

Juni

_________________________
Today I'm O.K.
One day at a time I make the journey.

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#270991 - 01/12/09 04:48 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: 1love4christ]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
Nester
our reactions to abuse vary depending on how much faith we had beforehand and the support we received after.

Where was God - waiting for us to cry out to Him in our pain. Look at it this way. What is abuse? = a violation of our will. So God who gave us boundries and free will (the powerer of choice) is not going to invade us. that would be abuse. besides He empowers us when we respond to Him.

please, all who read this post - I write out of my struggle and the cries of my heart. I suffered before I saw the Lord's hand of deliverance. and I still stuggle - see my posts
but I have faith in Jesus Christ. He gives me hope.

on the way to the cross Jesus suffered - easy to roll out those words, but His pain was extruciating like ours. He took our pain with His pain. His suffering was real and as severe as ours.
He is our deliverer becaue He suffered - like the painn of a nail into His hand - as I relived my pain at the moment I was violated I felt His pain - man - He took my pain.

He released me to cry. my rage did nothing - I read an interesting article that anger is productive but if it is not properly expressed it turns to rage and that is destructive as I know.

I was fortunate that my Grandmother, my Aunt and a Christian friend of my mother showed me the love of God before I was abused at 2. In Sunday school I had a teacher who showed us Jesus love which I soaked up.

One last matter - the Lord once asked me how much compensation I wanted for pain and suffering. I said a huge amount. He showed me He paid a much greater price. I felt healing as I looked at Jesus on the cross paying a price over above and beyond millions and millions and billions of what we would call pain and suffering. He paid a price beyond our cry for justice

Nathan

_________________________
5 depending on God's grace gives hope
6 my dark side , my hurt inner being my struggle
8 looking to the day of overcomming

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#272064 - 01/20/09 02:04 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: nathan555]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 02:14 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

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#272065 - 01/20/09 02:30 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: dusty42]
lars3229 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 800
Loc: Iowa
I hear you loud and clear Dusty.
This is still a difficult issue for me.

lars

_________________________
You may trod me
in the very dirt
But still,
like dust,
I'll rise.

-Maya Angelou

"I quite often remember to forget these sorts of things."
-Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie

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#272121 - 01/21/09 01:38 AM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: lars3229]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 02:12 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

Top
#272130 - 01/21/09 06:26 AM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: dusty42]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
my only hope is that God comes in His love to restore and heal
it helps me
Nathan 5

_________________________
5 depending on God's grace gives hope
6 my dark side , my hurt inner being my struggle
8 looking to the day of overcomming

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#272194 - 01/21/09 02:35 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: nathan555]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 02:11 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

Top
#272246 - 01/21/09 11:16 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: dusty42]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
It's true, dusty. No one can answer your questions but you can find the answer. Just remember that hatred, bitterness, and emotional pain are not where it's at. If your journey takes you down those roads turn around quick and go the other way smile

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#272252 - 01/22/09 01:37 AM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: WalkingSouth]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 02:10 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

Top
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